I don't even really know what to say. All I know is, a day that I didn't really see feasible has come and I'm just happy... and excited. My friend from Oklahoma is finally in Philly. We're finally in the same place together. I honestly don't even know what to write. I just hope my mom doesn't do anything to mess this up for me.   

​For Wednesday

Have you ever had to go through the school day holding back tears and trying to avoid collapsing with every step you take? Not many people can attest to that. This was my wednesday, but still I went with my friend to the Emergency room so that she wouldn't be by herself. 

*Monday*
​​I keep forgetting to post these damn stories. So I'm gonna post them all in one post. 
That was for Monday. 


For Tuesday
I pride myself in being able to undoubtedly say that I have found and have practiced the epitome of the word cope. I used to hate that word when it was mentioned by my therapist. I used to think that "coping" was impossible when the my surrounding environment was constantly changing, but always negative. But over the past few weeks, maybe even months, I've been completely peaceful at mind. No matter what situation I found myself sitting in, while watching my friends fret and become emotional over the smallest events, I realized that I am hardly affected. At home, an environment that used to overwhelm me each and every day has become home. Anything and everything that my mother has said or constantly says, has done or constantly does to me does not anger or depress me anymore. I've realized that she is human. She controls her actions, decisions, and wahtsoever. And it is not my responsibility to control her, and it never has been. Understanding that: 1) I can't control her (or any other human for that matter), and 2) that its not my job to has taken a burden off of me. I'm at ease now. 

For you I'd be anything, do anything, say anything that you needed.
I could be the best friend you ever had or the lover you never really knew.
I could listen for days or tell you stories all night.
I could tell you I love you or everything's going to be okay.

For you I'd write a thousand songs if you said that's what you wanted.
I could lay by your side and hold your hand through the pain,
Hold you until all of the tears disappeared and your eyes returned to a perfect blue without red rims.

All you have to do is ask and I'll start a silly fight, make love in the rain, hide from the rest of the world under a tree.
If I could give you the moon and thousands of stars, I would lasso them all and hold tight for as long as my strength allowed me to do so.

I'd rip the heart from my chest and hand it to you if you needed it.
I'd slit my wrists and feed you blood if you needed the strength.
You can have my very soul if it'll make you feel whole.

If ever you need me, call me. I'll be there. I don't care what time it is.
If I get a text in the middle of the night, I promise you that I'll answer it.
If you pull me out of class I'll come running regardless of what I'm learning.

And I hate when you look down on yourself,
Like you're not every bit as perfect as I know that you are.

You're my best friend and I love you, I promise that I always will.

Now, you're probably saying to yourself "how did you get these seats you lucky bastard?" Well the truth is, I didn't. Taylor, Brett and I bought the cheapest available tickets from a scalper before the game and managed to sneak our way into the diamond club. Luckily enough for us, no one came to the seats or questioned why we were there. We are such rebels.

This morning was rough.
I have 3 classes today.
I missed two. 
I am surprisingly not happy at all about this. 
There's no point in being here for one class. 
-___- 

Oversharing and self flattery keep sweet sleep at bay.
The regret they stir! The grief! The shame!
Chase calming dreams away.