So Spring Break has started however its a bit hard to tell that it is supposed to be a break. It might be a break from school however now I have to worry about working at the pharmacy. Since they know that I go to a Philadelphia public school, they know that I have a whole week long break. That means that they get to call me in the morning and probably will call me every morning to ask me to come in early because they are 'understaffed' when in reality they are not, they just have a bunch of meaningless things that they would want me to do. It can be a real pain in the butt, however I guess I can not complain because I am getting paid for it. Making money just to spend on my college education. How great. In the meantime I totally forgot we still have to do these daily stories... so ugh yeah. Can this story count for like 3 stories that I have missed? :D

I just want to graduate high school.

I don't want to go to college now. 

That can wait.

I just want to work.

I don't want to worry about how much money we have.

Because anything is possible when we have each other.

I just want to start our family.

Because if other people can do it, so can we.

I don't want to save up for a house now.

I'm okay with where we are.

I just want to be here with you.

Because with love, we can do anything.

I promise we can make it work.

I had an awkward kind of day today. I can't really describe it. I have a lot of emotions going on...and I found out something about myself.

See I've been sick for the past week, so I haven't really been on moodle. This morning I woke up and scrambled to get to school today...only to find out that spring break has started. I made it all the way to the school, pulled on the door, and found that it was locked. I called Evett asking
"did spring break start?" she said
"Yea"
"Well thanks for telling me while I'm sitting in front of the school"
"Oh? I though you knew"

I told my mom and she drove me back home. We were both unhappy. I felt like a fool. I should have known, I should have looked online or asked someone...but the "proud" piece of my spirit was angry. I felt like someone should have told me that school was closed, that someone should have kept me in the loop, that my friend's should have had my back.

In a blind fury, I stopped talking to my friends...well that's what I put on my headline. Perry messaged me, and (like a true bitch) took it out on her. That she should've told me, that I was upset, and how I didn't want to talk. She told me that she did tell me, that she did let me know. I felt my pride get knocked down a few pegs as well as grow. At that point I just said that I was stupid and just left it at that.

Mom and I left the house and went on a shopping spree. I couldn't really enjoy myself, because I knew how much of a jerk I was. In that, I also saw some of my own flaws...

I realized that I was too dependent on others, that I never really rely on myself to do things. I realized that I have my father's short fuse and how much trouble it causes. I realized how thin skinned I still am and how much I really hated myself.

Mom bought me new skirts and a dress for school, then we decided to drive to jersey. We saw a car crash on the way there. The Idea of death scared me again...and I started thinking about my dad. I realized that I was not ready to die even though that's way far away...

I went to old navy and bough more clothes. I felt some what better; not mad but I felt the guilt from everything.

We came home, and I started typing this. I really don't know why I made this my daily story. I felt like maybe if I vented in a public place then I wouldn't have anything to hide or something...and If Perry and Evett see this and they get mad then I will take it down, willingly and come up with something else...I guess I just wanted...something...I don't know what I want...

Oh, and by the way, in writing all of this, I forgot to say that I'm still sick with an infection. I have a cough so bad that it keeps me from eating...

I realized how weak I truly am today :/

I worked a double from 9am-9pm. I haven't sat down for the past 12 hours. I had the choice to to take a break and eat, but I don't like taking breaks at work. I feel guilty that I'm sitting and eating at work and I just can't relax. Although I can't take a break for a 12 hour shift I DO have to eat, and was picking at some french toast and rice pudding in the back. My shoulders are killing me from carrying all the bus pans, however my legs and feet don't bother me at all ( I would like to thank running for that). Just about an hour ago I was all wound up, but now I have become one with the couch and my body is mush that is not going to move for the next 8-10 hours. Adios mis amigos I'm going to sleep.....great.

​Click Click CLICK!

Watching this consumes all of my free-time.

Planted a tree today and really glad I had off from work today. I'm home snuggling up in the couch with my mom and our roommate. We're watching movies. I love doing this kind of stuff on a rainy day. I'm so happy right now.

So I woke up today at 9:05 am and preceded to drag myself out of my nice, comfy bed to go plant a tree...

I put on some shitty clothes and got a ride from my dad down to the Kendrick Recreation Center.  I waited around for a while until the coordinator, Jill, showed up with her crew.

I volunteered for about an hour and basically helped move the trees to their locations and dig giant holes in the tree pits.  I planted one bare root tree and then left.  It took me about an hour.

It was freezing outside and I was exhausted, but now I feel kind of good about myself.  I did something positive for my neighborhood and now every time I walk by that tree, I'll remember that I helped make that tree's life possible.