My drawing represents the scene where nurse Rachet asked the other patients if Mcmurphy should be sent to another ward.

I made my scene the way it was because it was the best I could visualize when it comes to a nurse asking her patients the question she asked.

Not only that but I visualized it by using strong line work but also drawing the people in what way I could due to the fact that I.m not really good at drawing people yet I drew them well dispute this.

What is portrayed in my scene is a middle aged, angry nurse who is trying to get the patients to send Mcmurphy to a ward where he will be isolated and drugged on a larger rate therefore causing him to be in a position where he could no longer do any of his gambling schemes or try to gain control of the ward.

What caused me to make my choice was that I wanted to show the aggressive relationship between The nurse and Mcmurphy but also how he tries to manipulate her machinations as if he were playing her like a violin only for her to revert to her usual way.

“… remember that vote we had a day or so back—about the TV time? Well, today’s Friday and I thought I might just bring it up again, just to see if anybody else has picked up a little guts.” “Mr. McMurphy, the purpose of this meeting is therapy, group therapy, and I’m not certain these petty grievances—” “Yeah, yeah, the hell with that, we’ve heard it before. Me and some of the rest of the guys decided—” “One moment, Mr. McMurphy, let me pose a question to the group: do any of you feel that Mr. McMurphy is perhaps imposing his personal desires on some of you too much? I’ve been thinking you might be happier if he were moved to a different ward.”

After seeing this I Believed that Miss Rachet could no longer tolerate Mcmurphy due to him becoming more obnoxious and disruptive but also because he had come to be a possible protagonist that could cause an uprising of the patients and than somehow overrun her and the other doctors.

Not only that but Mcmurphy could than use this said chaos to take over the ward therefore allowing the “Inmates to run the asylum which is why Nurse Rachet so that situation does not happen in anyway possible.

Another Brick in the Wall, Pt. 2 - Pink Floyd

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrxX9TBj2zY

The Handmaids are just normal women, or at least they were. When a handmaid is being “trained” they find themselves at the Red Center. There, they are taught the ways in which they are supposed to think, the ways they are supposed to see each other, themselves, and the things they have experienced. The control that is imposed upon them brought me to the song Another Brick in the Wall, Pt 2 by Pink Floyd. The lyrics in this song vividly reminded me of a specific scene that takes us back to the Red Center in the early days of Offred’s story. The specific lyrics that relate to this instance are “We don’t need no education, We don’t need no thought control”. In chapter 13 Offred and other soon-to-be Handmaids are Testifying, speaking about horrible things that happened to them in the past, the example given is of Janine who shares that she was gang-raped at fourteen and had to have an abortion. In response to Janine’s statement Aunt Helena prompts the group by saying “But whose fault was it?” and the women respond with “Her fault, her fault, her fault” This degrading chant doesn’t end there, it continues when Aunt Helena asks another question “Who led them on?” already expecting an answer, the women say “She did. She did. She did” If that wasn’t enough Aunt Helen tears Janien down ever more by asking, “Why did God allow such a terrible thing to happen?” and the women respond “Teach her a lesson. Teach her a lesson. Teach her a lesson.” All of this is meant to make the women think of their situations as their own faults as if they are to blame for the things that have been done to them. It’s all a way to get a hold of their minds, to “control their thoughts” just as the Pink Floyd song repeats through its lyrics, constantly reminding the listener “We don’t need no thought control”. They are taught they are part of a system, part of the machine that is the government of Gilead, they are broken down via a warped, not just education, but re-education to make them think they are simply “just another brick in the wall”.

Linger - The Cranberries

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6Kspj3OO0s

In Gilead love is basically outlawed, it is a thing that only gets in the way of the system, as can be seen on page 220 when Atwood writes “Love, said Aunt Lydia with distaste. Don’t let me catch you at it”. Due to this fact, Offred’s only access to it is in her memories and “lingering” feelings. Offred is constantly reflecting on her relationship with Luke and the love she was once able to express freely in the before times. Linger by the Cranberries is about those feelings that are just hanging on and the massive effects they have on someone’s ability to function. In chapter 35 Offred reflects on the intricacies of love before Gilead, she reminds herself of the good and the bad. Linger is a melancholy song, a song of longing, a song where emotions that are slipping away but not gone yet are “tearing” the subject apart as the song describes. It’s about how these recurring feelings such as Offred’s constant reminder and reflections of love and loved ones. We see it tearing her apart, a line in the song, when she thinks of Luke and realizes that she’s slowly losing that wisp of a feeling when Offred says “And he was, the loved. One. I say. Is, is, only two letters, you stupid shit, can’t you manage to remember it, even a short word like that?”. You can see how much these vivid but distant memories are affecting her when Offred says “I wipe my sleeve across my face.” She is emotionally wounded by these feelings, and Linger reflects those emotions of not wanting memories to “fade” as Dolores O’Riordan the lead singer of the Cranberries emphasizes throughout the piece.

It’s A Man’s Man’s Man’s World - James Brown

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvlioQ2Ot2c

James Brown’s It’s A Man’s Man’s Man’s World sounds on the surface to just be about the ways men rule the world. The ways men control everything, and everyone. Under the surface and within the lyrics through the song contains a theme that is subtly similarly present in The Handmaid’s Tale. In the song, James Brown sings “This is a man’s, man’s, man’s world. But it wouldn’t be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl” In The Handmaid’s Tale it is the men who hold the majority of the power, or at least they hold positions of theoretical power. Nonetheless, they hold the highest rank and therefore can get away with more and have different duties than others below them. The commanders perform the ceremonies, they oversee the house. Angels are allowed to hold guns. The men have the power in this society that is undeniable. At the same time none of the men of this society can have absolute power without the women of Gilead. Women play a crucial role in the world of Gilead even though it is structured by men. We see this theme when the commander requests to start seeing Offred alone in his quarters, they play scrabble and he requests a kiss, and says “Not like that,” he says. “As if you meant it.” like he has been missing any sort of real attention, any sort of true connections. We see how even in a society where the commanders who are men rule and have power and control they are unfulfilled and lonely, they lack companionship and real emotion even in a world where they run supreme it would be pointless without women, as James Brown says. None of it matters, “it wouldn’t be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl”.

Something in the way - Nirvana

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VxdufqB9zg

Offred’s dreams and memories constantly hunt her, they are relentless. Although they are hard to remember and hard to consider they keep her grounded they keep her from feeding into the manipulation of Gilead. It’s a wedge between her mind and their mold. It’s what the song Something In The Way by Nirvana reminds me of. The song is dreary and repetitive just like Offred’s circumstances, the same boring things every day, and the only thing that stands “in the way” are her memories, the things that make her an individual, the individual Gilead is trying to strip away. Offred is in her room when she reflects on some traumatic events that led to the place she is now and she realizes “I don’t want to be telling this story. I don’t have to tell it. I don’t have to tell anything, to myself or to anyone else. I could just sit here, peacefully. I could withdraw.” but in saying this, in not wanting to tell her stories, the something that Nirvana repeats slips away and she thinks “Why fight?”. This song both in its lyrics and musical elements reflects Offred’s mindset in relation to her memories and the painful benefits they have in keeping her an individual.

Stronger Than Me - Amy Winehouse

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6N6IjW-2fb4

The handmaids are expected to be simply a vessel for childbirth. They are expected. The aunts are expected to be forceful and constantly forcing Gilead propaganda down your throat. The guardians are meant to be courteous and respectful. The commanders are expected to do their “job”. Everyone in The Handmaid’s Tale is supposed to be something. Stronger than Me by Amy Winehouse is about the expectations in gender roles, Winehouse throughout the song says things like “All I need is for my man to live up to his role” and “You should be stronger than me”. Harping on the expectations she has for the role of a man. I feel like this heavily relates to the ways Gilead expects the people enslaved by its ideology to act and to be. Gildeasd expects the women to be childbirths, to only exist to have commander babies as is shown in the line from one of Offred’s thoughts “We are containers, it’s only the insides of our bodies that are important.” Sometimes expectations base all a person is, in the song Winehouse only talks about the expectations hse has and how the man isn’t living up to them, it’s the same in Gilead, the women are their expectations and if they live up to them or not.

In chapter 41 in The Handmaid’s Tale, Offred begins the chapter by talking about how she wishes her story was different and more “civilized.” “I wish it showed me in a better light, if not happier, then at least more active, less hesitant, less distracted by trivia,” she goes on to say on page (267). Offred clearly states how she is unhappy with the way her story sounds and wishes it could be better when she tells it but like she says on page (267) “I’m sorry there is so much pain in this story… but there is nothing I can do to change it.” She’s aware she can’t change the horrors of her story but she continues to apologize and tell the readers she wishes it was better. My drawing represents chapter 41 but specifically page (268) where Offred begins to refer to the reader as “you.” She says “because after all I want you to hear it, as I will hear yours too if I ever get the chance, if I meet you or you escape, in the future or in heaven or in prison or underground…” Throughout the book she’s been speaking and telling her story but she has never directly spoken to the reader as “you” which makes me question who exactly she’s telling this story to. I would’ve originally continued to think she was talking to the ready but when she says about seeing “you” again it makes me think she is talking to Aunt Lydia or someone from her past. But then she also says “ I am coming to a part that you will not like at all, because in it I did not behave well, but I will try nonetheless to leave nothing out,” which makes me think she is talking to Luke because she continued on telling the story about her and Nick. Luke and Offred used to be together so the only logical explanation as to why “you” wouldn’t like what she has to say is if she was talking to Luke. During our class discussion, my classmates brought up the point that maybe she’s speaking to multiple people. Maybe she isn’t just speaking to the reader or to Luke, or even Aunt Lydia. That could be the case but I believe that she is talking to one person. I believe that if she really is only talking to one person then she is talking to Luke. Offred always speaks about Luke and how he would feel about certain things and how she misses him. She speaks about how she doesn’t know if he is alive or dead so on page (268) when she says “ By telling you anything at all I’m at least believing in you, I believe you’re there, I believe you into being. Because I tell you this story I will your existence,” which means that writing this could be her way of coping with the fact that she doesn’t know if he’s dead or alive. By saying “ by telling this story I’m willing you into existence,” could be her way of creating a sense of hope that he’s still alive. My art shows Offred in the middle surrounded by three main people: the readers, Luke, and Aunt Lydia. This is there to show that she is speaking to other people other than the reader. I chose to do only Offred in color to show how she is the main focus.

In The Handmaid’s Tale, I’ve come to realize the Commander is a very unique and complex character. When reading scenes involving the Commander, it’s hard to tell whether he’s a sympathetic character or the main antagonist. It’s easy for me to sympathize with him but it’s also easy for me to see him as the bad guy. Offred often feels sympathy for the Commander but, like me, she also understands that he is the main reason for his unhappiness because he built the system. Throughout chapter 36-38, the Commander takes Offred to Jezabel’s. Jezabel’s is described as a “brothel” or a “sex club” in which women are taken to by powerful men or even sent there if they are acting rebellious instead of being sent to the colonies. I want to really talk about chapter 37. Offred goes through similar emotions as me when trying to understand whether Jezabel’s could be a better choice for women instead of going to the colonies or if it’s just another way men take over women and objectify them. It’s so hard for me to read about the women walking around like objects and having to be okay with it. On page 235, she says “Some of them have on outfits like mine, feathers and glister, cut high up the thighs, low over the breasts. Some are in olden-days lingerie, shortie nightgowns, baby-doll pajamas, the occasional see through negligee. Some are in bathing suits, one piece or bikini; one, I see, is wearing a crocheted affair, with big scallop shells covering the tits.” The way these women are being objectified and used is infuriating to me. It makes me mad at the Commander. I was excited for offred to be taken out by the commander and made me have hope that the commander is a good guy and wanted to do something nice for offred but the fact that he took her here makes me think it was for himself just as much, or even more, then it was for Offred. I feel as though he’s taken advantage of Offred because he knew she hasn’t been out and dressed up in such a long time, so he knew she would go and he also knows that she can’t refuse to go because he has the power. “Well, what do you think of our little club,” he says on page 236. “His voice sounds pleased, delighted even,” says offred on 235. He says this expecting her to say she likes it and that it’s nice. He says it in such a proud tone that makes me think he is not only showing her off but he wants her to see the power he has and that he can break rules without being caught. Overall, it’s clear that I struggle with the idea that the Commander is a sympathetic character but I also struggle with the idea that he’s only the main antagonist. I’ve come to the conclusion that the world is not only black and white so why should it be in Gilead. I know some people in my life that are good people who do bad things so I also know that the commander can be one of those people.

SAYGRACE - You Don’t Own Me ft. G-Eazy (Official Video)

The Commander in The Handmaids acts like he owns Offred. There are times when Offred feels sorry for him and views him as a victim of Gilead, just as she is. Throughout the novel, however, it becomes clear through their interactions that the Commander is using his power over Offred for his own gain. He doesn’t see her as an equal but as an instrument for his own pleasure. The text states “Maybe none of this is about control.Maybe it isn’t really about who can own whom, who can do what to whom and get away with it, even as far as death.(135).He knows that this is wrong but continues to do so in order to show that he is in control of that relationship and can end it when ever he wants.

Michael Jackson - Human Nature (Audio)

In The Handmaid’s Tale, the author constantly uses human nature to analyze internal conflict in Offred. She tries to decide if she should give into the new ways of Gilead or if she should try to rebel against the regime. She doesn’t know what happened to her husband Luke and she is trying to contain some type of real-life mentality. Offred feels so bad because she doesn’t know what happened to her husband Luke. This song basically talks about how if you tend to do wrong things it’s not that big of a deal because everyone will end up doing something wrong in their life.

I’m Gonna Miss You - Milli Vanilli

This song represents the relationship between Offred and Moria, she is Offred oldest and best friend, she is often seen in many of Offred’s memories, in Gilead the two meet at the Red Centre and then again at Jezebel’s. Moira is an unconventional character, she is outspoken and rebellious. Throughout the text, their friendship represents true female friendship and Offred does not have many friends that she can trust. The song has one lyric that is repeated throughout the song, “and I never will forget the day we met, girl i’m gonna miss you”, this is how Offred felt when Moria escaped. The tone of the song is very slow-paced and has a sad track this can represent the feeling of how a person might feel when losing someone that is really important or close to them.

Brandy & Monica - The Boy Is Mine (Official Video)

This song is about two women fighting over one guy, this can be related back to Offred and The Commander’s relationship, he is married to Serena Joy but has this secret relationship that no one knows about with Offred. The women in the song go back and forth about who’s actually in the relationship with the guy, they both think that they have more grip on the guy and the song ends with both of them saying “The boy is mine”.This represents how the relationship between both The Commander and Offred and The Commander and Serena Joy are not strong relationships and he can keep going back to either one with no punishment.

Mint Condition - Breakin’ My Heart (Pretty Brown Eyes) (Official Music Video)

This song is ultimately representing The Commander and Serena Joy’s relationship,he continues to cheat on her with Offred and it doesn’t really seem to have an effect on him. He is careless with Offred making her risk her life multiple times for his own pleasure and personal gain. He has more power over Offred making her do things that she does not want to do. He is not loyal to his wife and he is breaking her heart,becuase in a marriage you are supported to have trust and The Commander isn’t really a trustworthy person.

In chapter 23, we read about a significant moment in The Handmaid’s Tale, Offred’s ability to experience and do something forbidden to the women in Gilead. Which is reading and writing. That is exactly what we see her do throughout this chapter, which stuck out to me. On page 138 we got to see the Commander ask Offred to play Scrabble. However, in the reading, it is described as, “It’s something different. Now it’s forbidden, for us. Now it’s dangerous. Now it’s indecent. Now it’s something he can’t do with his Wife. Now it’s desirable. Now he’s compromised himself. It’s as if he’s offered me drugs.” The comparison to being offered drugs is one that you can’t make often. The way Offred is describing this, you would think they would avoid playing it at all costs. That does not seem to be the case here though for Offred and the Commander. After reading this I felt confused as to why he would risk himself and Offred for a boring game of Scrabble. Such a small and silly thing could ruin Offred’s life, even though she wasn’t the one to make the choice. “All right,” I say, as if indifferent. I can in fact hardly speak.” Offred’s reaction makes me think she was also in disbelief that he would ask her that, by stating her inability to speak. I thought this part was intriguing because we assume Offred cannot say no, because of the repercussions. But I was confused as to why she did not fight to turn his forbidden offer down because it is something that if it were to be discovered the outcome would be plenty dangerous and bad. I wondered if she was suspicious of him if she doubted her trust in coming to see him. But I also think about how she could be terrified to say something, and like usual, she just gives in to what is asked. As for the Commander, I also questioned his motive, and I was interested to know his intentions. I thought that maybe he could be using this as bait, to see if she’ll fall into this trap. Of doing something she’s not allowed to do and is forbidden. What would he do with her if that was the case? If this was all just a set-up? I felt scared for Offred, for what could come. With something like this, all sorts could go wrong. However, I believe there has to be a reason why he would want to play Scrabble. Another reason why this intrigued me was because I thought he could be doing this as a way of wanting to help Offred out. The handmaids are not allowed to do much, so I think this could be his way of giving her some sort of entertainment, an “out.” Maybe he happens to be one who still has a bit of sympathy and can feel for Offred. Maybe he wants her to feel like she has some sort of potential to do more, to do the things that are forbidden. Freedom. But why? What could be his reasoning? I was still confused because, despite all of this, I thought, what if someone caught them? What if someone were to catch them in the act, playing this? Things would not play out well for either of them, and it would only make matters worse.

In The Handmaid’s Tale, Offred often experiences bouts of nostalgia, where she will go deep into her own mind. She thinks about the good and the bad times—though I think she recounts more good than bad—from the before times. She recounts stories from childhood with her mother, from a secret relationship with Luke, from a public relationship with Luke, and from being a mother. Margaret Atwood, the author of the Handmaid’s Tale, will often start these stories abruptly. Atwood will write about Offred and her companion, Ofglen walking to the market, and then Offred will recount a memory, somewhat randomly. Atwood writes, “Ofglen and I walk slowly today; we are hot in our long dresses, wet under the arms, tired… There used to be an ice cream store, somewhere in this block. I can’t remember the name… We would go there, when [my daughter] was little, and I’d hold her up so she could see through the glass side of the counter, where the vats of ice cream were on display, colored so delicately, pale orange, pale green, pale pink, and I’d read the names to her so she could choose. She wouldn’t choose by the name, though, but by the color. Her dresses and overalls were those colors too. Ice cream pastels” (164-165). This story, about an ice cream shop that no longer exists, and a daughter that, to Offred, no longer exists, comes to her after seeing a reminder of a previous time. This is interesting to me because instead of seeing something and moving on, she stays with the memory for as long as she can. Offred’s train of thought is powerful because she will give into it more than other people might. I also have this experience, because a lot of times I will distract myself with the first thing that comes to mind. When I was younger, this manifested itself in playing pretend games in my head, and now it manifests itself as getting distracted easily while doing work, and having a hard time getting back on task. I think I do this because my brain naturally turns away from the things it finds unfulfilling. For example, when I am doing math homework or chores, I’m not thinking about math or the trash, I’m thinking about summer camp or the last dentist appointment I had. These distractions reward my efforts. For all the grinding I’m doing with calculus or emptying the dishwasher, I at least can remember swimming with my friends and how clean my teeth felt. For Offred, I think this is similar. Gilead is such a cruel world, and Offred does not enjoy it. She distracts herself with memories of her past, which she enjoyed significantly more, even though she might not always recognize it. Atwood writes, “There seemed no end to [Luke]. We would lie in those afternoon beds, afterwards, hands on each other, talking it over. Possible, impossible. What could be done? We thought we had such problems. How were we to know we were happy?” (51). Offred recognizes that she was happier in a past life, where she wasn’t forced to give birth to babies that weren’t hers and perform rituals she probably would’ve called crazy as a teenager. Even though she knows that she can’t get back to her happier past life by thinking about it, she still does. Even though I know that I can’t stop doing my homework because I’m daydreaming about the summer time, I still do. We do these things as a form of escapism. We don’t like the current situation we’re in—although mine is quite a bit less dire than hers is—so we make up a new one from our heads that we’ve experienced before. Offred’s thoughts often end up straying to four characters: Her daughter, her mother, Luke, and Moira. These characters keep coming up both logistically (where has Luke ended up?) and emotionally (I hope my daughter is alive). These characters in her life are Offred’s chosen form of escapism because she loves and cares about them. It’s a lot easier for her mind to first wander to topics she thinks might cheer her up, when in the end, they might do more harm than good. This is because she spirals when she thinks about them, like when she imagined Luke dead or locked away somewhere. I also tend to spiral, and mine also tends to be about the stress of living and the wellbeing of loved ones. Offred and I both ‘escape’ to places in our minds, but it doesn’t necessarily make us feel better.

For my second Lit Log on The Handmaid’s Tale, I decided to write about a section of the story that resonates with me. The section in question takes place during the beginning of Chapter 25.

Offred wakes up, halfway in her cupboard instead of in bed. Cora was in the room, dropping the breakfast tray because of the sight before her. She thought Offred had run off, or even died.

After both of the women recollected themselves, Cora started to clean up the spilled food. They knew that too many questions would surround them if anybody knew about this incident. “I saw that it would be better if we could both pretend I’d eaten my breakfast after all [p.152],” Offred thought to herself.

Cora tells Offred that she’ll say the tray was dropped on the way out. That she’ll lie for her. “It pleased me that she was willing to lie for me, even in such a small thing, even for her own advantage. It was a link between us [p.152].”

This section stood out to me, as I’ve experienced links like this before. Links that are specific from person-to-person. Links that aren’t exactly in spite of someone or something else, but in support of dealing with them. They are often out of dishonesty, like this incident with Cora and Offred. But in return, a link between yourself and another will always make you closer.

My strongest example would be with my brother and our dad. My dad often checks my room during the evening to make sure that I’m doing my homework. Doesn’t matter which type of homework I’m doing, just that I’m doing it. One day though, I suppose he was just lazy because he decided to yell across the hallway instead of walking over.

“Is Xavier doing his work?” he shouted.

At that time, my brother and I were chatting and laughing about something random, being unproductive. I was at my desk with my computer shut, and he was sitting on my bed. I knew that I should have started my work by now. In fact, it was after 5:30 and my alarm for it had already gone off. What my brother did next surprised me, though.

“Yeah, he is.” my brother said to my dad. “He is doing his work.”

This moment is the connection I made to The Handmaid’s Tale. My brother pretty much lied for me, even though it wouldn’t have cost much for him to tell my dad the truth. “Even in such a small thing.”

It does get more complicated than that, however. While I didn’t start my homework, my brother was also the one conversing with me in the first place. It’s similar to how Cora would’ve never dropped her tray if Offred had just gone to sleep as normal. They were both factors in this situation. They were in this together. There was a link.

Between the story and my own experience, the actual stakes have both similarities and differences. Offered mentioned that “Rita would get surly if she had to cook a second breakfast [p.152],” and the same would go for my dad if he had to tell me himself to do my work. But then I would have to ask, why would they get “surly?”

With my dad, it’s about discipline and integrity. Being able to have responsibility on my own, for when I eventually leave this house and live my own life. Or at least prove to him that I have responsibility, rather. With Rita, however, it could be more due to the world they are living in. Gilead is such a stricter and ordered place than the one we live in now. It’s more run by fear than integrity. I would argue integrity barely matters at all, actually, with the clubs and Mayday resistance existing. But with so many live-or-death decisions surrounding these characters, little mishaps like ruining a breakfast simply can’t afford to happen as much as they do in real life. They have to be hidden.

Knowing the consequences of the truth, significant or insignificant, is what I believe creates the strongest link between people. The link is especially evident when they do not have to tell each other about the consequences directly. Sometimes–even if the means of achieving them are dishonest–there are just better outcomes. Both of the people involved, those people that have a link, will know that.

“Well, get to it.” my brother said, walking out of my room.

While reading The Handmaid’s Tale, the Pages 134–137 makes me wonder, what makes a story worth telling? What makes a story believable and different from the rest of the crowd? Something that makes me wonder this and not only that, but, relate to it is when Offered said this; “It’s impossible to say a thing exactly the way it is, because what you say can never be exact, you always have to leave something out, there are too many parts, sides, crosscurrents, nuances, too many gestures, which could mean this or that, too many shapes which can never be fully described, too many flavors, in the air or on the tongue, half-colors, too many.” q. – 134. This made me think back onto what my Grandma said. I remember a time where my Mother was trying to figure out who drank her soda and I got so frustrated although I didn’t do it, but my Grandmother said to me, “As long as you didn’t do it, you have nothing to be worried about, no matter how many times you get accused of it.” And in this moment when reading this chapter that’s all that filled my mind. Page 136 is where I started to question things and I started to feel intrigued but not in a happy way. In the middle section of the chapter, before reading it, what catches my attention is when Offred says, “We are for breeding purposes: we aren’t concubines, geisha girls, courtesans. On the contrary: everything has been done to remove us from that category. There is supposed to be nothing entertaining about us, no room is to be permitted for the flowering of secret lusts; no special flavors are to be wheedle, by them or us, there are to be no toeholds wombs, that’s all: sacred vessels, ambulatory chalices. So why does he want to see me, at night, alone?” and that made me feel uneasy. What did she mean? That’s all I could think of at first but as I took notes and really thought more about this; Offred was right. To me she was objectifying herself but she was also correct. In Gilead the women are used for pleasure, entertainment, and labor, and not only that but many of them are brainwashed into believing that this is how life is supposed to be due to God wanting this for women, while as for the rest, they believe that they are being punished or put through a test or lesson. As I continue reading page 136, Offred states how she could become an “Un-Woman”, what is that? She refers to this after saying how if she’d get caught by Serena Joy (SJ). She then states that if she chooses to not see the Commander, there could be worse consequences that come her way. I guess this would make sense because he has more power than her, their dynamic is awkward, sometimes it seems like the Commander has less power than she does, but that’s for another moment. “There’s no doubt who holds the real power,” Offred quotes on page 136. Something that I did think about was how Offred says that the Commander must be weak or expressing a weakness, to want something is to be weak. “But there must be something he wants, from me. To want is to have a weakness. It’s this weakness, whatever it is, that entices me. It’s like a small crack in a walk, before now impenetrable. If I press my eye to it, this weakness of his, I may be able to see my way clear. I want to know what he wants.” What I find to be intriguing about this is the more we read into Offred’s mind, the more she talks about how she’s never been in the forbidden room, not even Serena Joy (SJ) has been inside of this room. And not only that, it’s only ever cleaned by the Guardians. On page 137, Offred describes the room, but then says how she might just cry and the Commander seems very empathetic. Like huh? This confused me. I thought Commanders were supposed to be stern and clear with their intent– only follow orders. He gives her a frown and offers her a seat, he literally pulls the chair out for her to sit. He then smiles at her and she describes it as a normal smile… nothing suspicious. I fell off– what did he really want from Offred and why was he only doing this to her? What made her different from the rest? What made her stand out?