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Advanced Essay #2: New Roots

Posted by Jade Gilliam in English 3 · Block/Harmon · Y Band on

​Introduction
This essay explores how basic identity is rooted in the physical practices and rituals. It looks at how the change in environment affected my young mind. How I still struggle with the concepts today. I love this paper because it helped me sort out thing I'm still trying to figure out but I know in my next one I want to be more diligent in my analysis and buckling down on my thesis.


The words “Dear Lord” use to roll off my tongue like breath in and out of my lungs. There was no effort associated with my faith. My family attended church daily not weekly. The energy of my hope in the world was unwavering even bad days saw a thick silver lining. I went to private school so my weekdays were filled with the good book too. This was until my family stopped attending church and my private school life shifted in to a public school one. When our car radio was tuned to hits 1 instead of christian radio. When I’d fall asleep at night without requiring a prayer. When religion was stripped out of my life I felt lost, with no ability to gain my bearings. The straw that broke the camel's back in us attending church was an incident with my sister. One day at church my sister fell into a fit of distress during service. She asked for my parents while the pastor's wife told her it was just the holy spirit speaking through her.  When my parents found out about this they were furious. They yelled and like a shield their words protected my sister. We all left that day me a confused child who longed for the understanding that comes with age. Now when I think back I see that the church had a toxicity, they didn’t care to give my sister what she needed. So the thought of going back to return to an old identity feels off. Why go back to something when I've moved so far forward? Regression doesn't feel like the right course of action.

Throughout the film, Beasts of the Southern Wild, the characters discuss the universe and how it affects them. Hushpuppy a young girl expresses in the film, “If one piece [of the universe] bust, only one piece, the whole thing busts” Hushpuppy acknowledges her understanding of the position she occupies in the universe as a whole. She believes that on some level she serves a purpose. With religion the ideal of serving a purpose is an easily obtained. Removing the consistency of enforced organized religion in my life made the idea of serving a purpose a dissolvable concept. It was hard for me to understand why anything I did, or anything I would come to do would matter.

In a TED Talk detailing the feeling of losing one’s identity, Jeannie Woller says this about her struggle ending her soccer career, “I lost the institutions, the external platforms for which this identity, could be validated by others.” In public religious rituals, going to church, youth group, and attending christian school I had something reinforcing my religion. I felt lost without them. I felt as though I wasn’t enough without constant validation of God; I began questioning everything from my sexuality to the basic instinct of praying every night before I went to bed. COnfusion towards  identity was normal for someone of my age, but losing a complete sense of self was like a plant being ripped from the ground, like living without my roots. I had to figure out how all the pieces fit together. It was like putting a two separate puzzles together trying to make them create a cohesive image.

With the loss of religion in my day to day life, I lost a sense of self and purpose. Regaining that sense of self was something I struggled with. To this day I miss the oneness and faith I have lost with the loss of religion but there is a part of me that associates that feeling of faith with my juvenile self. Children believe deeper , they see colors brighter, so maybe the my physical growth has something to do with the loss.  I miss feeling always protected as I did before. Now I have to find a new place where I can feel that shield. Looking for a new environment to nourish and help me grow as a person. Realizing that when a plant is taken from the ground and planted somewhere else it still keeps some of its original root when being planted in a new place. Seeing myself as a plant that will be replanted gives me more optimism toward the future.


Advance Essay- Keyonne Johnson

Posted by Keyonne Johnson in English 3 · Block/Harmon · Y Band on

In my essay I talk about what kids have to do in their life but how some kids do not have the same problem. Sometimes does not have any one there to take there hand and help them through their life as a little kid.

My first time was that worst time for me, but I did not think that is would impact me so much later in life. I did not know that the people around me could care so much about one person that they just meet. Not give up on them even though they did not think that is was going to work and everytime I would go back there I thank them and work 120% harder because of what they did because of how they helped me get through a hard time in my life. “In the Congo, you grow up thinking about escape. When I was little, no one asked me what I wanted to become. They asked me where I wanted to go”. In some cases a lot of people do not go through some of the things that this kid has to go through and when I think of this it makes me remember the time were I was in a bad place at school and did not know how to go about things. I was breaking lot of things and doing whatever I wanted but then I found a gym with people that care about how I am feeling and that made me feel whole like I had lost something and after a year I have found it again. There is another thing that made me think of what other things that people or kids go through that not a lot of other kids go through.

There is a movie called beast of the southern wild and that has a kids perspective of them living in an environment that could flood at anytime. They have parties all the time and the school environment is not that good. There is this part were the father of a girl named hushpuppy is dying and he tells his daughter “No Crying” and for me that real hit me because sadly in this world things are taken from us and that will make us hurt but was have to be strong for the people that left us as my grandma said before she died “ boy you better not let anyone make you cry like that again because if they do I am beating your ass and then they ass” when he told hushpuppy that that is what it made me think of and that is one of the reason that I work so hard for everything I do even though sometimes I do not know what I am doing.

Advanced Essay #2: Stromy

Posted by Kyla Gladney-Enos in English 3 · Block/Harmon · Y Band on

Introduction

With this essay, I was trying to accomplish the after effect confusion and feelings of someone being blinded with feelings. When asked to apologize for hurting one’s feelings, we don’t really mean it, so we lie and apologize for something we don’t really mean. I am proud of the way I structured this essay. At first, it was very difficult to organize my thoughts accordingly, but after awhile of preserving, I feel as though I connected the paragraphs in a way that’s unique. One thing I would like to improve for my next essay is my use of descriptive language. I feel like I lack in that department, which is not good. Hopefully, I can get better.


Stormy

Why can’t I help myself? There’s always something wrong with you. You need to stop this. Get better. You have to get better. There’s always something going on. It’s so ironic. The people who don’t care about what’s going on and fool around are the ones who aren’t depressed, but the ones who do their work and try and try and try are the ones who are. Maybe I should slack off. Maybe I shouldn’t care. My family will never understand.


This is boring. This is boring. This is boring. Why are we doing this? I don’t understand. Nothing is exciting to me anymore. What’s wrong with me? They say it’ll get better when I’m an adult. But will it really though? I don’t think so. I always ask myself, “What’s the point of life?” We’re born, we grow up, stress over grades, get into college, are in debt, work until we literally can’t anymore, and then die. Eventually, everyone is going to die. It’s inevitable. I heard someone say one time, “What’s the point of living if you can’t feel?” That’s exactly how I feel. What’s the point? Sometimes when we’re feeling a certain way, what we say and do reflect off of that. It’s like we let our emotions get the best of us. One minute everything seems to be fine, and the next, you’re seeing the effects after the stormy hurricane has hit.


I’m at the table eating dinner. We’re talking about our lives and how our day was. It’s only my mom, Micheal (my stepdad), and me. My sister is at work. I think to myself, “I wonder how she’s doing. I’m excited for her to get off soon.” Suddenly, my own storm hits as we start talking about SEPTA bus stops. “No, no!” said my mom. “Let me tell you something. You can’t talk to people like that. If I’m talking to you a certain way that isn’t disrespectful, then please don’t talk to me with disrespect. It’s a two-way street. Push out the same respect you pull in.”


Everyone in my household is sad except for my stepfather. Of course, that makes sense though. He’s not the result . He’s not my father's seed. Depression is hereditary. I don’t ever want to have children because I want to save them from feeling the way I am. Why would I want to pass this on to them? Why did my mom and dad pass this on to me? Questions, decisions, actions.


Things took an abrupt turn from talking about bus stops to being disrespectful. I instantly apologized for raising my voice and getting an attitude, but at that moment, it didn’t mean anything. Andrea Mathews from Psychology Today writes, “If we didn’t mean what we said, or what we did, who did? Because someone or something within us meant for us to do or say what we did or said, or we wouldn’t have done or said it.” Humans tend to deny the meaning of what they say. “I didn’t mean it” really means “I meant it, but now after saying it, it sounds bad, so let me try to soften the blow.” More times than we can count, we say things to make other people feel better, even though we know it’s not true.


In Beast Of The Southern Wild, the people living in Montegut, Louisiana are being forced out of their home by nature. Hushpuppy, the main character, is no more than six years when she is forced to fend for herself. Wink, Hushpuppy’s father, tries to reassure Hushpuppy and their community by telling them that he’s “coming to get you storm.” The community is already stressed out about what’s going on. Some people are leaving, and others don’t know what to do. Wink is trying to calm everyone down by telling the storm he’ll catch it. The problem is, a storm can’t be caught. You can catch the remaining of what the storm did and you can catch the feelings that people are throwing at you from the storm, but you can not actually catch a storm.


Hurting someone’s feelings is never the way to go, so we use cover-ups as an excuse to cover something up. In the long run, people’s intentions aren’t always what they appear to be. Anger, longing, obsession, all taken over by the storm. Sincerely apologizing for something you can’t control is rare. We thought it, we did it, and we meant it.

Advanced Essay #2: Under Pressure

Posted by Nasya Ie in English 3 · Block/Harmon · Y Band on

Introduction:

In my essay I wanted to convey the pressure finding your own path with different influences around you, to succeed in America as a first-generation. I’m proud of showing my side of the story and journey of becoming the person I am now. On my next paper, I want to be able to let my audience feel the experience that I’m in, let them feel like they were in the story with me.


Advanced Essay #2: Under Pressure

Acceptance from others is important, especially from yourself, self-acceptance. I had a hard time accepting myself as an Indonesian-American. It was harder when I was bullied because of my race, my self-esteem was low. I didn’t want this as my identity. It became difficult to find confidence in myself. I was Indonesian in my home, but outside I was American. I couldn’t find the middle ground. The motivation I had for myself was not there. I didn’t want to succeed and I was terrified. As the first generation in America, I did have a lot of pressure to do so. I didn’t want to make a mistake and look down on. I had to keep going and find acceptance for myself. My parents worked so hard to prove they do belong here, and people who believe they don’t, they prove them wrong. My parents were my motivation, they made me move on and succeed. We worked (together) alongside each other. I looked up to my parent’s motivation.

As a child, I always felt out of place and wasn’t able to relate to anyone. At school and on the bus I used to get bullied. They would tease me and took advantage of me. When I cried, it would satisfy them. I questioned myself if this is who I want to be or if it’s better to hide. I was ashamed of my ethnicity. I wanted to be someone else. I would reach out to my teachers and principal, and they would tell me to ignore them. It hurt when they would say that. I was growing and still learning, I needed the reassurance and help and they didn’t fulfill that. I had to defend myself and I took that as independence. I wanted them to stop, and I realized they won’t stop. They will see that they won’t affect me, they aren't worthy. I can hear them say “ching chong” and see pulling their eyes apart. I looked at them like fools because I found worth in myself. They saw me grow my confidence in my ethnicity.

I know my parents didn't come to America to see their child hurt and fail. With that understanding, I knew I had the power to love myself and fulfill my parent's wishes. I am first-generation I know that I am here to succeed. I took that and I ran with that. I fully embraced it, I would say to myself, I’m proud of being an Asian-American and I love my home country. No one can ever take that away from me. I had to figure out my own my own path with the different influences around me.

Adam Davidson, the author of the article Debunking the Myth of the Job-Stealing Immigrants, talks about how society looks at immigrants and that they steal jobs. Davidson proves them wrong saying, “Immigrants increase the size of the overall population, which means they increase the size of the economy. Logically, if immigrants were “stealing” jobs, so would every young person leaving school and entering the job market; countries should become poorer as they get larger. In reality, of course, the opposite happens” (2015). Davidson demonstrates immigrants are the future. Immigrants take jobs that no one else wants and it keeps America moving. My parents came here to keep their lives moving, they knew they have a purpose here. To create a family and give opportunities they never had in Indonesia.  

Laura Pappano, the author of the First-Generation Students Unite, tells the story of Ana Barros and first generations. In her article, she says, “Many first-generation students, with their histories of self-sufficiency and staring down obstacles, see seeking help as a sign of failure... While most students “feel entitled” to academic and emotional support, first-generation students, said Stanley Stewart, a Brown junior, “feel really guilty about taking advantage of resources” (2015). I believe that first-generations feel obligated to be independent or we feel as if we can’t get help. So when we ask for help, it feels like defeat. We are pressured to be successful, but when asking for help it feels like we have given up and we aren’t doing any work. Our family came here to create a new life, but when asking for someone for help, it can feel like failure.

Self-embrace and self-acceptance have shown that it’s the main key to success. This has given me independence and self-determination. My race is apart of my identity and it has impacted my life in many different ways. Born into a family that works hard every day and living through high expectations is difficult, but I must push and work beside my family. At first, it’s not an easy journey to find pride and the confidence in my ethnicity. But it’s a learning and growing experience.


Advanced Essay #2: Improvement of Society

Posted by Nhu Lai in English 3 · Block/Harmon · Y Band on

Introduction:

The purpose of my essay is to show how unique identities could create progress of improvement in society. I was really proud of myself that I could put my ideas into this piece and connected with my experience in SLA. I really want to improve how I form the sentences so it could be more clear.

Advanced Essay #2: Improvement of Society

Progress is dependent on people having different ideas; if we were all the same, then is going to be impossible for the developments. However, most people are born with the mindset that they belong where people have similar identities to their own. People tend to assume your identity based on their standards, but the improvement of society requires a diversity of identities and a sense of belonging.

When I was a little if someone asked me, “Hey, what’s your name?” I used to get embarrassed. My face would turn red and I would freeze. I did not like the feeling of listening to people when they talked about my name, a feeling most immigrants hate. I used to have a mindset that if you are living in America you should not present yourself as too “Asian.” I believed people would either think that you didn’t know English or you didn’t belong in their society. I was young when I moved to America and I didn't want to become an alienated kid just because of my name being different.

It started in middle school, and yet I remember it as if it was yesterday. We had a new science teacher and he was my new advisor. Everyone was so happy to introduce themselves to him, and there I was, sitting in a corner and couldn't think at all. “Hey! Hey, the girl over there.” He shouted.

It took me a while to realize that he was calling me. I stood up slowly, saying in a shaky voice, “ Yes sir?”

“What is your name?” He asked.

“Nhu.” I said quietly.

“What?” He said, “Can you speak up a little bit?”

“Nhu.” I said with a louder voice.

“Why are you so shy about it?” He asked, “Your name definitely has a beautiful meaning behind it, what’s wrong with telling people about your name?”

“I didn’t want to be so different from the rest, my name makes me different so I don’t like it,” I replied.

He laughed, “Name is something that makes me stand out from others. Something that tells people who I am. Something that helps me remember where I belong. Something that tells me my culture and identity.” He said, “Don’t be shy about it. One day when you grow up, you will see how special your name is to others.”

SLA has been proven that he was right. My name has a unique meaning and I should be proud of it. My name makes people remember my unique identity, but that factor never affects my belonging in this community.  

SLA family is diverse. Each of us contributes unique parts of ourselves to help the community grow over time to make it even better than before. We respect each other because we understand that we are different. According to Julian Baggini, a British philosopher, “[W]e have different conceptions of the self the world over not because selves differ, but because at different times and places people have more or less concern with different aspects of selfhood.” This is significant because everybody has their own thought about how to view the world which could either be influenced by their identity, background, environment, or other life experiences unique to them. Without these factors, everyone would have the same mindset, which would make a community stuck in the same place forever. To be able to grow something as a whole, you have to listen, understand, and accept that others have distinctive personalities. Most importantly, look at multiple perspectives because nobody is going to be correct all of the time. At SLA, our ideas are different, but we all have the same goal, to reach success. We are all working hard towards it, and that is how we build up our community over time.

SLA is a puzzle that contains multiple pieces that fit together. We are unique, but we always find a way to help each other feel as we belong together. In the movie, Beasts of the Southern Wild, it shows that “[T]he whole universe depends on everything fitting together just right. If one piece busts, even the smallest piece, the whole universe will get busted.” The idea that everything is connected together in some way, a tiny thing could ruin everything demonstrated that everyone should help each other out and build on top of each other's ideas. Doing things on your own will not help things improve or grow, but given your own ideas to a community will help it build up over time. Giving your best effort could not only it affect you, but others, and help to contribute to other sense of belonging.

Most people would think about this differently. They would prefer people who they are most feel comfortable with, which are the people who fit perfectly with the standard that they set up. Knowing someone who is similarly related to them are more suitable because they could easy to share their feeling among others. They would believe that others will understand and help them move forward with their goals.

People in society are different in their own way. Your name is one of the factors that is unique and defines who you are as a person. Others should not assume things based on society’s standard because everyone is different. This difference is a way for this society to improve. We needed multiple ideas to build up a larger idea, just like society needed diversity to grow over time.  


Advanced Essay #2: Identity of Self vs. Society

Posted by Chloe Simmons in English 3 · Block/Harmon · Y Band on

Introduction:
The purpose of my essay is to show identity of self can be affected by the identities society pressure you to have. I'm really proud of the flow of my essay. I was afraid it would be everywhere. I'm also proud of my scene I think I picked a really good scene. One way I want to improve my writing process was asking questions more throughout my essay. I also wish I could have learn ways to expand on my analysis. Other than that, I'm proud of this essay.

Advanced Essay # 2: Identity of Self vs. Society

Laughter and a sense of lightness filled the night. Family Dollar sign is shining in our faces. There were six of us. As soon as we’re at the door, a woman stands in front of us with a stern face at us. She had her arm crossed, back straight, and her feet stood apart. Suddenly, I notice the cold wind and the laughter dying out.

“Why are y’all here?” She questioned. Before I could answer, my sister beat me to it.

“We have money.” Zoe proceeds to take out the three dollars I gave her and laughter came alive. Despite this, the woman looks were unwavering and laughter died again.

“Y’all sure?” She asked. “When a group of young black folks come around, it only means one thing in this store.” She didn’t need to say anything for us to know what she meant. Nyomi spoke this time.

“Ma’am. We are Christian black sisters. We’re not looking for trouble, but for snacks.” Everyone smiled at that, and finally, the woman smiled.

“Well, I can’t say no to that.” She started. “Come in and getcha goodies. I had to be precautious with people like y’all.” Everyone went in and got their snack, the light mood back. But I couldn’t help to think how we were treated. We’re young folks, but that doesn’t mean we’re a part of the worst of them. Why did she think that way? Why did she question me about who am I?

As we grow older, we start to learn about ourselves and start to form an identity that fits who we are. Our identity can be influenced and can change from time to time, but it still fits for us. However, we are also born to the identities from society the moment we’re born. These identities can be permanent or temporary. With such identities from society, we become victims of the stereotypes of the identity, whether it’s good or bad. How then, are we to be comfortable with social identity? We don’t. Instead, we put a mask of what society deems acceptable, despite how we may feel.

However, when we do so, not only do we do it to fit in, but also we end up having a disconnection to each other. Thandie Newton, an actress, said in a Ted Talk entitled Embracing Otherness, Embracing Myself, “Only we're not living with each other; our crazy selves are living with each other and perpetuating an epidemic of disconnection.” (July 2011) This quote shows the separation between people within a society. With the identity society puts on us, it causes people to stick with similar identities to themselves and that understands the pressure with that identity. As a result, many don’t wish to approach people who are different from themselves. In society, it’s been taught that being different can be good. However, when there’s a certain trait is what makes a person different (a different identity that goes against norms for different), it becomes unacceptable and shamed on. So instead of continuing to keep showing it, people decide to hide it in an acceptable identity and stick to those people with that same identity.

Thinking about this, it makes me think of what Wesley Morris, an author from New York Times Magazine, wrote in one article called Why ‘Self-Identifying’ Is Different From Coming Out, “[i]t’s [easier] to hate whom you can’t see and harder to hate whom you can.”(Dec 2015) The idea of Morris shows how others refuse to get to know the person and puts an identity they see fit for them to either love or hate on it. Instead of accepting people, many people choose to ignore their identity and continue to put them in an identity they see fit. Why? It helps them to categorize people who they consider good and the people they consider bad. It’s hard to accept or reject a person when they already know who they are. However, when going off of someone's identity, it can be from what they can see. Even if it’s not fully who the person is. This helps them in their mind to fit into society, but also to protect themselves.

It annoys me to know when people put an identity on me, they’re right. I’m talking about when they went at it the wrong way.  Despite my maturity and mannerism, I do some things that are youthful-like. Some are okay with that while others judge when I do. “Typical” becomes their favorite word to say around me. It felt as if they expected that. Just like the woman expected of Hush Puppy to act a certain way. In the shelter scene of the movie called Beasts of the Southern Wild, the woman is yelling at Hush Puppy saying, “You’re going to have time-out. Are you even listening to me?” (June 2012) Hush Puppy and the girls from the Bathtub are dressed up nicely. They’re not listening to her and are not sure what to do with themselves. It was expected of Hush Puppy to misbehave because she was never raised that way in the Bathtub. When she does so, the woman is questioning her in an angry way. That the behavior of Hush Puppy isn’t normal in her society.  

Looking into society, I see a lot of people together yet separate. It’s a wonder who they are. Will there ever be a time to show it? Does there need to be an identity in every aspect of who we are? Thought it’s all around, it is not seen in SLA. Here, people can be themselves and not be judged for it. Maybe society can start with a little less hate, like SLA.


Advanced Essay #2 [Personas]

Posted by Salvatori Camarote in English 3 · Block/Harmon · Y Band on

​Introduction:
The purpose of this essay for me was to describe my experiences I've had with friendships while wearing a mask and having a false persona. I'm proud of my scenes of memory and the connections I made with other sources. One way I want to improve my writing is by strengthening my introductions and my conclusions.

Advanced Essay #2: [Personas]

Currently the norm of our society is having these false external personas. Lots of people act different to fit in because they never feel they belong. Personally, I find myself always wearing these masks and finding myself being fake. I’ve had moments of feeling like a complete outsider within my own friend groups and within my own school. Not knowing if they had changed or if I had changed myself. Reflecting on my experiences, the best way to remain my authentic self is to resist overthinking things, not taking things personally, and focusing on what makes me happy.  

Throughout middle school I had a lot of people I considered my friends, but my memories of them are filled with frustration. This made me resonate with the article, How Technology is Hijacking your Mind, when it states, “Once you know how to push people’s buttons, you can play them like a piano” (Harris, 2016). This quote really reminded me of my middle school experience, how people treated me and knew what would bother me. It makes me feel like even when I was apart of that friend group I was still different from them. We would all go to this one kids house and all hangout in his basement. It always seemed like they were all flirting with each other and just teasing each other, but I just wanted to play games and have fun with them. I was stuck in a cycle of not wanting to hangout with them cause I knew I wouldn’t like what they were doing or feeling left out and alone without anyone else to go.

When I came to SLA I was hoping to have a solid group of friends who I could always go to and talk to. Freshman year I was in about 4 separate friend groups, one with a bunch of guys, two different groups of girls, and the kids from the robotics clubs. Slowly as time went on I found myself drifting from each group of friends feeling unwanted or like I didn’t fit in. A large portion of my humor had become pushing people's buttons from my middle school experiences and I always was worried afterwards whether I’d gone to far it feels like I’m disconnecting and seperating myself from them. I’d find myself changing my humor to fit in with them and adapting to their typical mindset. Social media was been a prominent piece in my shifting mindset and continues to affect me today.

Seeing my friends having a good time without me on social media always makes me feel like I’m not a part of the friend group. I feel like I’m a side character in a TV show that sometimes speaks, but is usually in the background like Gunther from friends. Again I find myself agreeing with the article, How Technology is Hijacking your Mind, specifically when it states, “Technology hijacks the way we perceive our choices and replaces them with new ones.” This quote relates to how seeing post/ads online can really shift how people think. Expanding on this I relate this to how advertisements use small little tricks and techniques to gain our interest and convince us we need the product.

When I was younger and didn’t have social media, if I knew I wasn’t invited to something I’d ask about it and make sure I was invited next time. Nowadays, I just feel like I’ve been stabbed in the gut and It’ll kill me on the inside. However, I can’t share how I feel because I will feel like people pity me, so I hide under my emotional covers and sleep through it. The first time I experienced this was in middle school when my entire friend group decided to go hangout without me, and I felt more hurt than I ever had before. I didn’t even want to confront them about it, I felt like they didn’t care about our friendship and that they wouldn’t care how I felt. I often find myself looking back in time comparing what I had to what I have now, not knowing which brings greater happiness.

Throughout my life there have been standout moments that have made me happier than anything prior. I often find myself looking back to this moments and trying to figure out what could be done to recreate them, or if it was something said I’ll find myself repeating them. This reminded me a lot of the The Great Gatsby, when Gatsby says “Can’t repeat the past?…Why of course you can!” This quote helped show how lost Gatsby really was, living off the desire to recreate his past with Daisy. His past with Daisy being one of the solid things that strove him forward.

This however, is where I see some difference with myself. I’m not driven by my past, but by the possibilities of the future. I want to relive elements of my past, but not in the future, I want to relive them now because their all experiences I feel like I can only recreate now and not when I’m older. Recently I’ve seen a lot of my friends from my past and spent the day or a few hours talking and hanging out with them. It always seems so promising and is enjoyable for a while, but then I always find myself talking or listening to our memories of things we’d done. As if our story moving forward is a closed chapter and our friendship is over. With my old middle school friends, a majority of them still hangout, and I’ll message one once and a while. Our interest now is completely different from one another and every conversation is about something we’d done. We always say “We need to hangout,” but nothing ever comes of it. I’ve come to realize that I can’t keep recreating and living off these moments in the past, but my realizations haven’t stopped me.

In the future I want to change who I am and become a person I am truly happy with. I want to be real to my friends and have friends who are real with me. As I grow older, I know at some point these covers and mask will come off at least partially, and I want to make sure the mold they leave beneath is something I’m okay with being. Underneath all of these mask and personas, our real personalities are present, and looking towards the positive can make these personalities something satisfactory.


Advanced Essay #2 Altering Personalities

Posted by Madelyn Malloy in English 3 · Block/Harmon · Y Band on

The main focus of Altering Personalities is how personalities alter depending on your environment. I am proud of my scene of memory and my analyses. If I were to write this essay over again, I would relate my thesis to things that I have experienced more. Personalities alter depending upon the environment and people you are surrounded by. Some ways personalities are formed are based on how your parents act, how you are treated and are even depicted through school. As a child, I believed that people who are wealthy tend to have snobby and egotistical personalities, while people of a lower class tend to be more humble and self-aware. This is because both types of people are raised differently; a rich person is surrounded by entitlement and their parents spoiling them, while a person of a lower class is surrounded by the complete opposite; barely given anything and a hardworking mindset. Your personality relies on how you were raised either through social class, how your parents raised you or generally the environment you are surrounded by. Robert D. Putnam, the author of “Our Kids” writes, “The point isn’t just that rich kids have advantages but that their advantages are large and growing.” The idea that rich kids have better advantages demonstrates the idea that the more money you have, the more recognized you are. Money is a factor of everything; The more of it you have, the more opportunities come with it, along with a bad personality such as being snobby or egotistical. Having money and valuables is great, but what is more important is the traits of being humble and kind; things in which you cannot buy, but earn. I was constantly being surrounded by people who only cared about money, and I always had watched them show off what they had; From the newest iPhones to trips across the country and even brand new clothes. They would brag about their valuables but forgot what truly is important; hard work and kindness. In middle school, I remember my classmates who were wealthy would always be picked for certain things like student council or even starters for the softball team. I never understood why they were chosen over me because their personalities were rude and overall were negative in every aspect. But beyond my understanding, they always seemed to have better advantages along with having better things than me. Even though I wanted everything that they had, I did, in fact, have something that they did not; the trait of being humble. Although the people in my middle school were wealthy and had everything in the world, they tended to be careless with their grades. In “Our Kids” Putnam writes: “if rock star status seems improbable for a numbers-crunching academic — well, it is.” which presents the idea that you cannot have a rockstar life and a high GPA. I agree with this idea because of kids in my middle school never bothered with studying or handing in assignments. The cause of this was because all of their time and energy primarily focused on living like a rockstar, and none of that energy focused on academics. Throughout middle school, I had gotten to know one of the wealthier kids. Her name was Abby and I always stayed away from her because I did not agree with her personality. She had come up to me one day and asked if I could help tutor her in Spanish, in which I did. While talking to her, I realized that her main problem was the failure of turning in assignments; it was not the incomprehension of another language. Because Abby had always been obsessed with living like a rockstar, she did not have any interest in doing good in school. I learned about hard work at a young age because my first job was at thirteen years old. Since I had a job and made a decent amount of money, my mom decided that everything that I want no longer will be extracted from her paychecks; I had to pay for everything that I wanted. From then on, everything that I wear upon my body and if not most, then all of the items in my room are mine from working countless double shifts on weekends. Balancing school and work have become stressful at times, but by buying everything on my own, I have been shaped to be a humble, smart and hardworking person. Working and having nothing but my own money had forced me to become reliant on myself and to be wise about my money. I realized that hard work is everything, and if I wanted to experience a variety of opportunities or get myself new clothing, I would have to work hard to get myself whatever I desired. I had taught myself to be well rounded in my school, work, and managing my money, but all teachers do not teach the same subject. The kids from my middle school already had snobby and rude personalities because of growing up wealthy. In addition to this, my school prioritized wealthy people and being wealthy automatically made you popular, which fed into the already self-centered persona those kids had from solely being wealthy. Having the attention at school and at home bases the personality traits for those kids, and the result of that is not the best persona; they tend to turn out to be mean and self-centered. Their personalities changed because they were based on their surroundings; constantly getting what they want and receiving unnecessary attention from people at school. Being born into wealth generally inflicts a snobby and rude personality because of getting everything you want. But because I had been surrounded and treated like a middle- class person, I did not have the experience or opportunities to live life as a person who is wealthy. My personality has grown and I have become an independent, hard-working person because I never had gotten everything I wanted, and I was always taught that if I wanted something I would have to work hard to get it.

Advanced Essay #2: "Boo"

Posted by Michaela Donnelly in English 3 · Block/Harmon · Y Band on

Introduction: 
In this essay I am conveying that traumatic experiences have a great affect on how you view yourself. They can leave positive or negative impacts on your life. It all depends on how you take them and if you reflect on them. I am proud that I was able to be open about a traumatic experience that affected a part of my identity. Next time I write an Advanced Essay, I would like to be a bit more focused on creating a good thesis and well written analysis. 

trau·ma

/ˈtroumə,ˈtrômə/

noun

1. a deeply distressing or disturbing experience.


Traumatic experiences are person-dependent. Something that is traumatic to one person might not be traumatic to another. It can be anything from your bullying story to breaking up with your first love to your parents divorce . Whatever it is, it sticks with you. It stays in the back of your mind, shaping your moves and thoughts. They shape you into the you that you see daily.

“Alright Michaela, the floor is yours,” my teacher announced

As the words flew from my mouth and from my mind, I could feel their eyes on me. I didn’t want to look up to meet their gaze. The gaze that would soon send me out of the school day in tears day after day. I finish the presentation. I am reassured with the claps.

“Boo!” I hear faintly from the back of the classroom.

There goes the reassurance, so short lived. Why did they have to do that? I did nothing to them. Why me? The faint and quiet “Boo” felt like the weight of the world on top of me. It hurt as nothing had before. It hurt me deep inside and I didn’t know why.

This was the first time I ever felt like this. I was scared to be in front of my classmates. I was scared of my classmates. That presentation back in 7th grade seemed to set a tone to the rest of my doing when it came to school. I became nervous and untrusting in myself. Yes, it has changed a bit in past years due to gaining more confidence in speaking to an audience but the feeling of being judged stays crawling up my spine as I stand in front of any traditional classroom setting. I hate this feeling. It comes back even if I don’t expect it. I feel my hands shake. I hear my voice trembling in my ears. The faint “boo” makes an appearance in my mind every now and then. I do try and fight that awful noise telling me I am not worth the presentation but it is quite hard sometimes.

Even short, quick words like these ,can be very effective in impacting how you feel about your identity. They stick with you. Catcalling is something many women will handle throughout their life. For some, it may be more traumatic than it is for others. Burtman said, in a New York Times article titled, My Body Doesn’t Belong to You, “...once I turned 16, my body no longer belonged to me but to the world at large and to certain men who drove their cars past it” (Burtman, 2017). Traumatic experiences can very easily affect how someone views themselves. In the example of catcalling, women can begin to feel that they are only worth the words they hear on the streets, words from mouths of people they don’t know. The words they hear on the streets are brought up during self-reflection. Self-reflection is not always dwelling on trauma, but thinking about them in a more positive light. Reflecting can flip those words around; That “ayo Ma, let me tap that”, can turn into words of self-love. “You’re beautiful”  Self-reflection is very much key to true self-love and being able to face traumatic experiences again. You ultimately know you better than others do, but that does not mean they can’t help you. You need to know all kinds of ways to help yourself out of a rut. Others are able to give you those ideas. Others can be used to bounce around your own ideas. It is very important to most people. I say most because something that works for you might not work for someone else, just like something traumatic for you might not be traumatic for someone else.

In the book Between the World and Me, Coates is trying to convey the importance of race and identity. He talks about living in his own skin and telling us what it is like to live through experiences that were truly created by race. He says, “In America, the injury is not in being born with darker skin, with fuller lips, with a broader nose, but in everything that happens after” (120). This quote says that the things that affect your identity most are experiences. Many different things can make an experience traumatic. For Coates, traumatic experiences that happened because of his race left a great impact on his character. They affected how he viewed himself in comparison to others. They left a lasting impact on his identity.

Many things we know and experience in life can have an affect on our identity. A traumatic experiences can be one of those things that effects you greatly. Though it is traumatic it doesn’t mean it has to have a negative lasting impact on your self identity. Through self reflection and reflecting with others you can change how that experience affects you. Traumatic experiences are different for all that go through them but in the end, the impact is the same.


Belonging in a Lonely Place

Posted by Sara Frunzi in English 3 · Block/Harmon · Y Band on

Introduction
​This essay is about the ways that depression can isolate a person. It looks at suicide and people's reasons behind it. The purpose of this essay was to shed light on topics not often talked about, and hopefully to have people think about how their loved ones are feeling next time they see them. I am proud of my ability to be vulnerable and to speak out when needed.

Essay

Depression is an illness that many choose not to recognize and that flies under the radar far too often. It seems to only be noticed when something drastic happens, such as a suicide attempt. People with depression can only truly connect to others that have depression; this is the only way we seem to belong. My claim is supported through articles and Ted Talks that talk about a low sense of belonging in depressed individuals and that reach out to give comfort to these individuals. This topic also brings about the question of what belonging truly is and what it means. To someone with depression, someone who’s lonely and desperate for comfort, belonging means everything.

The night I nearly killed myself wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. I went to school and it was terrible, then I came home. When I got home, I did my homework, even though I didn’t see the point; I knew I wouldn’t be there the next day. I forced a dinner down my throat, struggling through each bite. I took a shower so that I’d be somewhat clean when they found me. I went to my room, coming out only to use the bathroom, and at one point to steal my grandmother’s sleeping pills.

Everyone went to bed early that night, and I said goodnight and I love you to them all. It didn’t seem out of the ordinary for them. Waiting until I was sure my family was asleep, I went online. My main social media back then was Pinterest; I had friends from all over the world. We had a group chat and we were all depressed. I told them how I was feeling.

People with depression have a hard time connecting with others; this is because depression makes a person feel alone. According to a study by the University of Michigan, “A psychological sense of belonging is a greater predictor of major depression than other factors commonly associated with depression… the disease isn't always easily detected by friends or family members because those who suffer from depression often try to hide it.” This shows that it is hard for people with depression to really connect, even with friends and family. When someone has depression, they are both desperate for a sense of love and belonging and conflicted because they feel that they’re not good enough for those around them. It seems that the only people who want them around are the ones who are similarly suicidal, depressed people; they need you as much as you need them.

Typing, typing, typing. “I don’t want to be alive.”

Ping. “Me neither.”

Ping. “It’s hard to keep going, hard to see the point.”

Ping. “You can always talk to me.”

These are the people I know, the people who know me. I share my all with them; every second of every day, they know about everything. They know about the bullying and the eating disorder and the cutting and the burning, and anything else that was done to tear me down, by others or by myself. These people lifted me up. I lifted them up, too, but not for long.

Typing, typing, typing. “I want to kill myself.”

Ping. “Me too but it’ll be okay.”

Ping. “Me too but don’t.”

Ping. “Me too but if you don’t I won’t.”

These people know how I feel. They feel the same way. These people were my friends, trying to give me a will to live when I couldn’t do that for myself. We all want to take away the others’ pain. Maybe we do, but we all have the same pain, so nothing really changes.

I needed a break from them; I couldn’t disappoint them too much too quickly. And if I said anything about my plan without having already swallowed the pills, they’d talk me down. I couldn’t let that happen. I counted the elliptical blue pills. Even years later I remember that there were fifty-three melatonin pills in the bottle that night. I wondered if it was enough.

I’ll never know the answer to that question, I think. The morning after, no one could tell that anything was really different at all. It’s because I didn’t share with them because I knew they wouldn’t understand.

In a TedTalk by Mark Henick, Why We Choose Suicide, he talks about his experience with this, saying, “In fact, I was so normal, most people never would have guessed… And I know that some of you know that feeling too.” This quote reflects how people don’t really see or notice when a person is suicidal. They pass someone off as quiet, or they don’t think of it because the person doesn’t ‘seem suicidal’. Mr. Henick also makes a connection to anyone listening; he knows that this is something that people face every day silently and wants to make sure that they know that they’re not alone. He knows that talks about depression are often controlled by those who haven’t experienced it, which makes it hard for those who have to come out and talk about it. It’s difficult for us to feel like we belong, even in a conversation about us.

Typing, typing, typing. “I’m going to kill myself. I have a bottle of pills and I’m going to die.”

Ping. “Don’t, we love you.” A lie.

Ping. “Sara you’ll regret it.” I can’t regret if I’m not around.

Ping. “Sara your family will be wrecked.” As if they even care.

I took one pill. I took another. I stopped. I didn’t write my notes; I needed to. Writing each one I cry harder and harder, and I’m getting scared.

Typing, typing, typing. “I’m scared. I have to do this but I’m scared.”

Ping. “It’s okay to be scared.”

Ping. “You don’t have to do this.”

I just wanted it all to go away. I knew that they cared about me but I couldn’t stand it.

Ping. “Don’t do it Sara. That’s an incredibly painful way to die. You won’t sleep you’ll be in pain for hours and when your family finds you it won’t be clean, it’ll be messy and devastating. Devastating. The note won’t be enough. They will cry walking by your room for months and funerals cost thousands of dollars they don’t have. Put down the bottle and go to bed, Sara.”

That message kept me alive long enough to go to sleep without taking any more pills. The girl who sent it, her name was Lilli, and she lived in California. She lived halfway across the world, yet she was able to save my life. She was part of a network that I related to and that kept me alive through the darkest parts of my life. They understood how I was feeling and offered comfort, solutions that they had put to the test. They were the only ones I could connect to, and that chat was the only place that I felt the warm sensation of belonging.

Belonging does not mean being in the same room as someone and physically being there with them; it is being able to open up and feel listened to without judgment. Though I never saw these people face to face, they saved my life and I felt belonging in their company like none other. This is what it is like to be suicidal sometimes, to only be able to feel connected with someone who you can’t see face to face and can’t hug when they’re hurting. Belonging means sharing something, even something secret.

ENG3-031

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2018-19

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