Introduction: The goal of this essay was to touch on the universal feeling of not being good enough when we compare ourselves to people more successful than ourselves. I am most proud of my scene of memory and the way it flows with my larger idea. I think this scene of memory provides solid evidence for my theme. For future essays, I would like to allow for more time during the revision phase, so I can better pinpoint the details of the essay and make sure that everything connects more smoothly and flawlessly.

Everyone has people whom they look up to. People whose lives they wish they lived, people whose dreams came true, people who seem to be comfortable with themselves and well-liked. But sometimes by looking up to someone, we find ourselves comparing ourselves to them and putting ourselves down. Growing up, I never felt the desire to be anything that I’m not. As time has passed, the expectations that existed for me became increasingly apparent. The notion that I should be more successful than I am, more beautiful, and more talented is deeply embedded in my mind as I continued to see other people as those things.

In a Ted Talk by Thandie Newton, she speaks about identity and her sense of self in relation to others, stating, “The self likes to fit, to see itself replicated, to belong. That confirms its existence and its importance … Without it, we literally can’t interface with others. We can’t hatch plans and climb that stairway of popularity, of success” (July 2011). The idea that people yearn to see themselves replicated shows that this is an instinctual need that we have to find common ground with others while being successful. This is significant because although this feeling is human nature, we continue to put ourselves down and feel inferior when we fail to belong. I often wish I could climb this stairway of success faster when I see those close to me near the top step.

My brother is two years older than me, and I’ve begun to live in the shadow cast by his superiority. Having an older sibling hasn’t always caused me so much anguish. I’ve always looked up to him, but I didn’t expect that childish admiration to haunt me into adolescence. The day he received his ACT score was a happy day for our family. He came home and announced to my parents his near-perfect score, that would later see his acceptance to almost every college he applied to. Quietly, he said, “I got a thirty-five.” The message was delivered with modesty, but my parents escalated the situation. He isn’t one to gloat. Eyes wide, smiles began to spread across my parent’s faces as they embraced my brother, congratulating him. Reluctantly, he joined in the celebration, even showing a smile himself; a rarity for him to let us see his own pride. I stood in the corner, knowing that my congratulations would mean little to him, but I risked being reprimanded if I didn’t express my support. “Congrats, Victor,” I said. The words came out dryly, almost killing the joyous moment. “Thanks,” he replied; this safe response acting as a shield between him and me. At that moment, his success meant something much different to me than it did to him or my parents. To them, it was a moment of sheer pride and elation for him and for their progress in parenting. For me, however, this moment brought about a sinking fear in my head, telling me that I would never live up to my brother. That I would never make my parents nearly as proud as he had, try as I might.

This feeling of inadequacy is ubiquitous and it brings about the questions, will we ever overcome it? Will we ever be satisfied with who we are? In the same Ted Talk, Newton speaks about the formation of identity. She states, “At some point in early babyhood, the idea of self starts to form. Our little portion of oneness is given a name, is told all kinds of things about itself, and these details, opinions, and ideas become facts, which go towards building ourselves, our identity…But the self is a projection based on other people’s projections. Is it who we really are?” This idea that self is simply a projection is important to note because it not only shows that the expectations that others have for us make us strive to be a certain way. It also relates to the need we feel to compare ourselves to people who are more successful in meeting these expectations.

This instinct to want what others have and to be what others are is universal, and it functions as a sort of cycle. Using my brother’s success and my feelings of inferiority as motivation has allowed me to recognize my own different forms of adequacy and success. In order to maintain peace of mind, we must unlearn the inclination to compare ourselves. By focusing not on what others require of us, and instead striving for what we see as important, we can create our own stairways of success.

Introduction

This essay is to show parts of social media that we never truly think about and to introduce how it can affect us from being human. I can’t say that I am happy or unhappy with this essay as I struggled with this hard and at the time this whole assignment was announced I was having a personal problem I couldn’t control at all so yeah. If anything I would want to just look back at this and just change my writing process entirely as I was not under my normal in-school influence and more personally distracted then normal.

Social media and online life is something we get easily hooked with. We use social media to listen to our favorite musicians/singers, we use it for personal pleasure, and we use it to interact with one another from very far away differences. It would be surprising if there was something we never use social media for. The only thing I have to say I was surprised to find out about the internet that people use it to make a memorial that should’ve been about a few days into an eternity.

We “find ourselves” online through either anonymous identities or names we either think are funny, representative, supportive, or realistic to ourselves and our interests to the internet forces us to makeup to use their services. We find those similar to us via filters and search bars that guide us to groups with other people that share our own believes, interests and culture. This one I am against doing for personal reasons but we also use social media to try and find our “Soulmate” for multiple reasons. We also use social media to quickly transfer money by using something like paypal or make money by streaming or uploading videos for the world to watch and donate if they wanted on Youtube and Twitch. Youtube and Twitch are more than ways to make money online but they are more easy to do, their bigger reason is to let people express themselves and their interests or (mostly)whatever its users want to show.

So this is when I learned social media was a unending memorial and these were two bits that I felt were quick to the point in “Ghosts in the Machine” by Jenna Wortham about her views of death and the internet. “Perhaps the most profound side effect is that death no longer obeys any laws of finality... When funneled through social media, death lingers longer than a traditional mourning period might call for”. So when I read this article and specifically these parts I was both surprised and confused. I was only surprised as I did not expect it and I was initially thinking that there was no way this was real. What confused me was why did people do this so long after the death of someone? There's no reason to keep going they’re gone, the time of grief is over, time to move on in life and let them rest. Not go to their twitter or facebook page every month and writing something about the person.

Now, this quote from Sherry Turkle in her article “Stop Googling. Let’s Chat” I understood apart of me that I didn’t expect to see and learn from me constantly using the internet whenever I can for personal entertainment “In 2010, a team at the University of Michigan led by the psychologist Sara Konrath put together the findings of 72 studies that were conducted over a 30-year period. They found a 40 percent decline in empathy among college students, with most of the decline taking place after 2000. Across generations, technology is implicated in this assault on empathy”. I just didn’t know what to think of me as a person as I have multiple different things of me that could be reasons of my own lack of empathy but I never thought about social media being a factor in it. When I think about it now I can think about bits and pieces of my life where I can see it visibly the lack of empathy but it was mainly for other reasons not just social media.

When it comes to the death of a relative I don’t feel anything for myself or for my family as the relatives that did die were those I either never heard of/forgotten about or those that I never had a true connection with but to try and think if that lack of empathy was because of my constant use of technology I just can’t think or just be in a complete mess in my head.

If I had to compare our use of social media I want to say smoking because it’s something we get addicted to thinking were fine as everyone else is doing it, that it’s legal in the nation, it relieves stress (to those that believe that). The one thing we never understand until it’s too late is how it affects us negatively. Sucking us of being human in the real world while we socialize on our phones even if we’re a few feet from each other.

Ever since I was little, I have had to get used to being a twin.  My parents would always refer to us as “the twins,” but let’s get something straight, we are entirely different. My twin, Justin, has always been known to catch onto things more quickly then I have been. I have always had a hearing problem that has dentified me to struggle more than Justin has. I have to try harder than Justin, but we usually end up achieving the same goal. I don’t think I struggled more than Justin has at all, but the thought that other people thought that had taught me to learn how to work harder. My past experiences have created my identity, including my self-worth, learning from other people’s mistakes, and accepting the fact that everything isn’t always going to work out the way I want it too.

Throughout my years of education, Justin was always placed in higher classes even though I  always had to spend a lot more time studying. Since I knew that my brother was able to catch onto things more easily when I was little, I have always been eager to get to the same level as him. In the article Twin Study the author says, “I knew what Samantha was going to say before she said it, and I knew which boys she’d like before she met them, and we always got up at the same time in the night to pee, among other uncanny similarities.”  In this article, we learn about a girl who is a twin and is identifying the specific things that she realizes her sister does. Samantha and her sister are a great example of twins growing up together, and it was clear that they would become close and know each other really well. That relates to Justin and my relationship because just as Samantha was able to recognize certain things that created her identity from being a twin, I have too by understanding the things that Justin has done well. Justin and I also know how to handle each other when we're angry, whether it's us trying to get each other angrier or trying to make each other feel better. For example, when Justin is furious at me I know to not answer and give him a few minutes to think about the situation. My brother had always known when I was upset about something that I might not even have any control over and has always tried his best to cheer me up. These are just some of the many things that my brother and I have learned to get into the habit of, to help us be there for each other no matter how mad we could get at each other.

Growing up people always referred to my brother and me as if we were a set, meaning that one always went with the other. They automatically assumed that since we are twins, we are similar. My brother and I both have different skills that make us who we are. As we got older, that became more clear. Justin was able to be mature in ways that I didn’t know how to be when we got older, but the same went for me. National Geographic’s, Eve Conant, explains to us the way kids create an identity based on their gender by saying,  “Many readily admitted that it could be hard—frustrating, confusing, lonely—to fit into the communities they call home and the roles they’re expected to play.” The author points out that this was the view 9-year-old girls had since they knew at a young age that it would be harder for them to find a job then it would be for a male. When it was time for Justin and I to get our first jobs, Justin was just offered one. I had to work hard to find one. In New Jersey, you can get a job at 14, but most businesses won’t hire anyone under the age of 16. When we moved to Philadelphia, we worked at the same place. Justin was able to work well carrying heavy things and knowing how to answer customers questions without any help, whe Even though I was struggling with the job at first, I eventually learned everything to help customers have full satisfaction. That helped me to learn that I can succeed at anything I set my mind too.

My identity overall has been influenced by the actions of my brother and how it shaped my own character, as I’m sure it also helped to develop his identity. I learned not to argue over unnecessary things, and to get along with my brother in the easiest way possible. That also helps me to have good habits too. In the article, What Is the Self? It Depends, Julian Baggini says, “Conceptions of self are usually assumed to be attempts to describe the objective reality of what a self is, and this is indeed what thinkers around the globe have often thought they were doing.” With that saying, every action of my past has shaped who I am today. When I think about the past mistakes I have made, I am not just thinking about mine, but also the mistakes that my brother has made. I prefer to go with the flow and hope that time will figure things out, and if they don’t? What’s the worse that can happen? Justin has taught me that everything doesn’t have to be done perfectly correct and that it is okay to make mistakes because they should always work out.

As much as I wouldn’t like to admit this since Justin and I have experienced so many of the same events, it has caused us to not only be brother and sister but know each other more than anyone else on this planet. My brother has always known when I am lying, just like I always know when he’s annoyed. Since Justin has always caught me in a lie, I now prefer to tell the truth because what’s the worse that can happen? Whenever my brother ever gets angry or upset, I can always understand why better than anyone else can. We handle things differently and are both just trying to figure out a way to get through life successfully. We also know that just because something doesn’t work out, that we would always have each other's back because let's face it, we’re stuck with each other. Just because my brother and I have been through many similar life experiences, we are our own human beings, and are completely different from each other.  

Introduction:

The purpose of my essay is for my audience to learn about identity, what

influences identity and how it can change due to their surrounding. Something I’m proud of in this essay is having the courage to write about a personal experience that was painful but I learned a lot from it. Next time, I will use more quotes and connect them to my thesis. I also plan on writing an outline for my next essay so it would be more organized.

Advanced Essay:

I remember when my parents, my brother and I visited Algeria in 2016 to spend our summer vacation there. I was excited to see my family again because I haven’t seen them for 5 years and I miss them very much. We will have a great time as we did in 2011. My cousin and I planned to do many things once I get there, from bean boozled challenge to playing Uno with the family to filming some movies on my Ipad.

It was still Ramadan when we went on the plane, and we had to stay there for 21 hours. I was so excited I didn’t want to sleep. I watched movies most of the time while my brother sat next to me drawing and coloring. After what felt like forever, we finally made it to Algeria. But I never realized that this time everything was going to be different.

After a long day, my family and I finally arrived at my aunt's new house. It was bigger and better than her old tiny apartment. It was in the middle of nowhere. As we walked down the hill, it took us a while to spot the house, due to the tall grass covering it. After a couple minutes of walking, we entered her new home. First thing I noticed was that the house was huge. The house was still disorganized because it needed a while to put everything in place. We entered the living room and there I saw my favorite cousin sitting on the couch waiting for me. I was so happy and I went to give her a hug.

“Your new house is really nice!” I exclaimed excitedly as I embraced her tightly.

“Yea I know we’ve been building this house for 6 years.” She responded with a hint of pride.

After that moment, we went to have dinner. It was couscous with chicken which is a really popular food in Algeria. Some of us had to sit on the floor due to the lack of chairs. I felt uncomfortable but I had no right to complain.

After dinner, we all prepared the mattresses on the floor so we could go to bed.

“She’s acting different,” I thought to myself.

And I was right. Ever since that day, I noticed that she was wearing a mask. A mask filled with kindness and love, but I noticed it slipping off. I sensed her true feelings. Envy, pride, and greed. I was shocked, to say the least, after 5 years of being in America, I came to be treated like that. I realized her jealous facial expressions when I would talk to my other cousins, and how she would be angry when I gave something to them. I sensed her pride aura while she was walking around her new home, and how she felt like she is better than me. I remember when she told me that I didn’t give her anything while wearing my clothes that I gave her the day we made it to Algeria. She was never like this, she was always very sweet and loving. She would call me every day and sometimes we would talk for hours. We would always talk about the great moments we had together when we were younger. Moments that most likely won’t happen again. After understanding her true intentions, I still stayed positive because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. In other words, I wore a mask as well but behind my mask is pain, sadness, and frustration. I felt like I didn’t belong there, and I wanted to go back to America. I was wondering, what made her change?

People wonder what shapes an individual's identity, and what makes them act the way they are. According to Rorty, “The contrast between the inner and outer person becomes the contrast between the individual and the social mask, between nature and culture.” (Brainpicking). This quote gives us a good explanation of the complexities of one's identity. This quote really helped me understand why a person’s identity will suddenly shift. From his point of view, we see that it’s the environment that shapes a person's actions. This is why we are all different in everything, and sometimes these changes in life will make us change our entire identity to either better or worse. A person has an inner and outer personality, that they show at different times. For example, some people might show more of their inner personality around the people they are close with such as their friends and family members, while their outer personality might be used towards strangers or social media.

Another quote from the same source and author states, “Many identities are relational in the West, such as those of parent, child, group member and so on. What we think of as different notions of self are largely a matter of differences in what aspects of self are expressed where and when.” (Brainpicking). This quote gave me a good understanding of how the people around you can affect your identity. This articles even explained how parents can shape their children’s personalities, as he shows us an article about the differences in children who are raised by Asian and Western parents. It suggests that all children everywhere can benefit from being brought up to think more about effort and their relations to others than their own abilities and personal development. In this case, it’s possible that my cousin’s parents or friends influenced her to act that certain way.

In conclusion, our identity is an important aspect of everybody's life, in other words, it shapes up who we are. Our identities can be influenced by our parents, culture, and people around us. Which makes it possible for our identities to change. Sometimes people’s identities can be interpreted through their actions, even if they don’t say it clearly and decide to wear a mask to cover it.