(Main character is scruffy and sitting down behind what appears to be a city background / backdrop that is dimly lit)

(Softly while jingling a cup) Spare any change? Change. Please Ma’am, anything you could spare?

(Sighs and puts down cup) How did this become my life? Sitting on the streets and begging for scraps.

I remember when I was a baseball player. Man, I even had the best swing of my league.

(Looks remorsefully at his still calloused palms) Still have proof too. The callous never really faded.

I could've been a national player if not for people’s ridiculous opinions.

When my teammates found out, they were uncomfortable around me. Before I knew it, I was shunned. The guys would turn away from me in the locker room, some even refused to change with me there. They treated me as if I was an alien based on my preference.

I never asked to be like this. Were they uncomfortable with my sexual status or just me? What did I ever do wrong?

I was harassed for things I had no control over. (Mockingly) “I guess he bats for the other team. Ironic he picked this sport.”

I finally acknowledged my sexuality, but I guess not everyone could. I was looked down on, thought of as ‘weird’ or ‘disgusting.’ I was viewed as different, incomprehensible, some people just couldn’t understand and so I had to become a victim.

What makes me the most upset is that I tried really hard. I wanted a career in athletics, it was what I loved doing. I practiced to points of exhaustion sometimes to make sure I was fully connecting with the ball, that my stamina was good, or just catching exercises. I could’ve been so good, successful even. If only I was the modern society’s view of ‘normal.’

I was kicked out. Fired. Terminated. My coach gave me the spiel of how my personal life got in the way of my fellow team members’ productivity and how the teamwork shifted to a place that wasn’t up to par with the competition. How I was responsible, how it was my fault.

I understand that some people won’t just magically accept me for who I am. I’m not asking people to embrace the fact that I’m attracted to the same sex. I’m just asking for people to see beyond who I am attracted to. Who I love doesn’t affect my morals, my personality, or my foundations as a person. I am human!

Baseball ended there. I tried to transfer, but no one would take me. But, I realized, this could be good. I could make a clean slate, be who I am. Unfortunately, finances didn’t allow me this privilege. Money eventually ran short and I’m no good at other jobs. I tried moving a couple times and long story short, rent is a lot of money. Life is hard, and I do miss the past ‘normal’ me, but I would never want to go back.

(Reaches out and picks up cup again) After all, I rather be myself with nothing, than be a fraud with everything.

(Holds out cup) Spare any change? Change. Please Ma’am, anything you could spare?

I won’t let you love me, you can’t, you don’t even know me. I know me pretty well and I fucking hate myself. I don’t have the capacity to love someone, ok I sound like a robot, but you get it. You know that thing where people say you can’t love someone until you love yourself? That’s me with you. I know you say I deserve to be happy, you deserve to be happy too. I can’t let you waste your time on someone who doesn’t find a deeper meaning in a word. This is better for you and me. We’ve never met and I can’t love someone I’ve never met. Your baggage is my baggage and mine is yours. I don’t want you to have to deal with mine.

Belle shuts her laptop

That four letter word means nothing. I don’t understand how words can mean so much to people especially such a simple saying. I get that words like onomatopoeia or auspicious or idiosyncratic could have meaning because they’re so big. But love, l-o-v-e. According to Merriam Webster; To love: is to feel sexual or romantic love for (someone). But the top definition for love on Urban Dictionary is nature's way of tricking people into reproducing. That’s funny because it’s kind of true. Love is all chemical. And because of that, it’s too fucking complex. I don’t even think I have the capacity to love.

Opens laptop

Sorry I needed a breather. You’re perfect, you really are. You deserve someone that can provide far more for you than I can. You don’t even know my last name. All you know is Bellebeauty94. No, My last name is not beauty. It’s not like I don’t want to be with you. That isn’t the case at all. I’ve been trying for so long and so hard to bring myself to say that I love you.

Shuts laptop

I made a tumblr when I was like 13 and now I’m about to graduate high school. I don’t remember a time without the internet. Physical contact isn’t even necessary anymore. And I can’t really tell if that terrifies me or amazes me.

I guess if love is only a word…

It won’t kill me to tell me I love him. Fake it till you make it right? I can’t help how he feels.

Opens laptop

Hey. I love you.

(Picks up the phone and calls her boyfriend)

Hey babe … Yeah I’m fine, I just had to talk to you about something. Umm I don’t know if you’ll be mad but just don’t hang up on me…. So…  I took a pregnacy test and it came back positive. Yeah, I’m so serious I would never lie about something like that…. Don’t yell at me! You were the one who decided to crawl in my bed, it takes 2. No I haven’t told my mom yet, you’re the first person I told. A abortion is not an option! We are going to take care of this child, this is something we decided to do and we have to own up to it…. I’m 2 months already and I’m so scared. I should have never done it with you, you told me it would all be okay, you said I wouldn’t get pregnant! It’s all your fault and now you see what happened? …. No! don’t tell me to calm down do you know how much trouble I am going to get in... I know I didn’t have to do it with you but it happened and now we can’t take this back!.. No I’m not telling my mom first, you tell yours… I’m scared to, it’s okay just promise not to leave me all alone. I didn’t hear you say you promise … 

Hello? HELLO? You still there ? Oh okay, good! Now tell me you promise! …. promise that you’re not going to leave me alone with OUR responsibility… Why can’t you make this promise to me?... Are you serious !? If I LOVE you, I wouldn’t make you take care of this baby? If you LOVED me so much to get in my bed you’re going to LOVE this baby and take care of it! … I told you that wasn’t an option! This child deserves a beautiful life… I know, we are young, dumb and we aren’t ready but it’s time for us to grow up and get ready… Trust me, I can’t believe this either but life goes on and stuff happens, we all make silly mistakes… I know this is not a “silly” mistake! I don’t know how to describe it, I’m just trying to look at the positive side! I just need us to stay together and take care of our child.... WHAT!?! Did I hear you correctly, you said you’re breaking up with me!? What do you mean !? … No !! you can’t do this to me , you can’t !! .. Don’t go… This is your baby to !! 

Wait! Please! Don’t hang up we still have to talk about this ! Hello? HELLO? ( puts the phone down and cries hysterically)

(lying on a hospital bed) I am not a man. I am not a monster. I don’t know what I am. I think I’m alive. If you can call this thing I have a life.  

And the worst part is: I chose this.

If a well known hospital tells you (mocking, goofy voice)“hey, do you wanna be immortal?” there’s really only one answer. This was when I was 55 and that…that marked the end of my life. They took me here. Hooked me up to these computers. And then…the beeping started(beeping starts). That incessant (progressively louder)“beep beep beep beep Beep Beep Beep Beep BEep BEep BEEP BEEP” IT DRIVES ME INSANE.

It was pretty ok at first. They sort of left me alone. Gave me food when I needed it. Not really when I asked, but that was ok. It was peaceful, and I liked that. Then when I was around 90, maybe 100, they started to show themselves more. The eyes(doctor walks on stage). Groups of them(another doctor walks on stage). They would just stare. They would sometimes move their mouths but I couldn’t hear them. I didn’t think they want me to. I mean I don’t expect them to. I don’t think they like me.

This is about all I can do to pass this time. Think about this place. It’s all I can remember. I barely know what time is anymore. When you’ve been around this long, (chuckle), you really stop caring about each day. I have been alive for 216 years and it has felt like just another 55.

(doctor walks close)The…end? Ha HA! FINALLY! I have waited lifetimes for this moment! I barely felt alive in the first place, and now, I can finally be FREE from this curse! This curse of life! It can finally…end…Do I even want it to end? I mean, I certainly am not enjoying THIS “life,” but would nothing be better? At least now I can think. I am constantly in pain, but at least I can feel something. I guess I never really thought about that before. Is living in an endless cycle of torture better than not living at all?

I need to find out. I can not die. (in the direction of the doctors)They SAID I would be immortal. (directly to the doctors)Let me BE IMMORTAL. I have nothing but myself! I need myself! I can’t afford to have this end. Maybe all this time by myself has made me like myself more than other people or something. I don’t know! I just need more time!

(Boy + girl walks in, girl speaks.) I have a best friend, Billy. We became close ever since I moved to California from New York. Our parents knew each other, so we were practically meant to be and have each other’s backs. I moved when I was about 5 turning 6. We went to the same school ever since. Everyone knows us as Billy & Miranda, the lowkey lovers. I didn’t really like that because I never saw him more than a best friend, but then one day it hit me...

It was summer of our junior year when I realized the look in his eyes. Every time he looks at me, it’s different. (Looks at her, pointing at a direction and then walking there.) We’ve been friends since forever, his parents are pretty close with mines, so we basically grew up together. But it wasn’t till summer I realized all the jokes our friends were making. That look in his eyes when he talks to me, it’s just different. His eyes grew bigger, prettier, I try not to make eye contact when I’m with him, so I just laugh at what he says and look away. Growing up, I know that he’ll always be there for me, to protect me, to beat up the people who bothered me, he’s like my guardian angel. (White light shines on the guy.) I didn’t realize is that he’ll become someone I’d admire the most.

(Walks around the stage to sit at the bench.) I don’t know what will happen if we do go out. I mean it wouldn’t surprise people, but what if it doesn’t work out? What if at the end we won’t say a word to each other? Who’s going to be there when I need a friend, who’s going to be there when I need help? (Looks at each other and smiles, the sun sets from the screen in the back.) My friend, my dearest friend, you’ve been there for me through the ups and the downs, through thick and thin; but what if we get sick of each other, what if you decided that we should’ve just stayed close friends? I can’t afford to lose someone like you.

(Guy turns to the girl, and smiles.) (Girl looks back at him, smiling.) There you go again, with those eyes and that smile. (bits lip and gets a little flirty happy, then quickly gets serious) Wait no, please do not do anything stupid. I wasn’t sure about my feelings, the way you would look at me with those eyes. Again, I just smiled and looked away. It was getting chilly as the night approaches. (Girl folds her arm, the guy saw and gave her his jacket.) Wait, no, don’t be like this,(She shook her head, pushing the jacket back to him.) I know you’re cold too (guy puts jacket around her) (girl just smiles.) Thank you. (Both actors get up and walks over to beginning position.) (Lights turned off.)

They said “bye Ozzie!” and I tried to go with them, but they shut the door in my face. (pause) That’s how it usually goes, they leave and I’m left alone here like most every single day. I spent the first 10 minutes trying to open the door and go after them but because of my body disfiguration (looks at hands and sighs), I couldn’t unlock the door. I cried and whined as I can’t speak and waited in hope that they would come back for me, but to no avail. Sitting in front of the door I pondered why they would want to leave me alone as they said to me every day when I was young that they loved me.

Knowing that I was destined to be alone for the rest of the day, I then played with my favorite stuffed animal, whom they called “Winky”. “Winky” I had picked out at the consignment shop when I was less than a year old .The name originates from the fact “Winky” only came with one eye. I didn’t care as over the years “Winky” has given me the comfort I couldn’t get from anyone else. Calming down with one of my favorite friends, I asked Winky what I should do for the rest of the day. Nobody else can hear Winky, but he said that I should eat as eating always calms me down.

I went to the food they had left out for me and solemnly ate it. However, I was concentrating too much on how bored I was going to be that I ate my food all at once not even leaving a single crumb for me to eat later. (gets exasperated) I washed down my guilt with a nice few gulps of water and proceeded to go into my own room. My own room is very small, much more so than what the others have. I walked into and sat on the one piece of furniture I had, my bed. There I looked at all the stuffed animals I had beside me and wondered why I couldn’t have real live friends. The others had friends who came over very often always making a ruckus and playing with me as if I were a toy. Why can’t they understand that I am living like everyone else! (Gets emotional sadly and frustrated)

Whenever they take me outside, people look at me as if I am some sort of alien. Everyone wants to touch me and they always act as if I am a baby and speak to me in that super annoying, “sweety” (puppy dog voice)voice.(end sad and frustrated) Reflecting on it I get so upset but in the moment like many other things, I don’t mind because I forget my troubles. I love being outside, getting attention, and most of all, seeing my friends. They take me every other day around 3:30 pm to the park, so they call it. There I usually see my mentor Boris who has been on this planet beyond his years and everyday I listen to his teachings of life. I also meet Yuma, Chester, and Monet whom are my best play buddies and best friends. (gets happy and excited) Everyday we play tag and see who is the best in our boxing games and I admit I usually come out the loser. However, there are usually two others who really make me so very happy. She comes every day so I hear, with her other, Stephanie. When I have seen her, my heart melts into a pool of desire swirling around with hope and a twinge of despair as she only hangs out with her friends and the jocks. (becomes sad and pensive)

(end pensiveness) But enough talk about my daydreaming, I must tell you what else happened so far. After my longing to see the outside, I decided to have fun. I brought Winky with me to the big bedroom the largest others slept in. I flung Winky onto the bed and got onto the bed after him. Relaxing, we talked about how I found him and then we jumped on the bed together, pretending it was a trampoline. In our great fun I accidentally knocked over those big fluffy things they call pillows, but I didn’t bother to put them back. Then Winky made the great suggestion of getting more to eat. I was famished so we both went to where they stored my food. The others stacked it so high I became despondent until Winky told me where the others stored their food.

Then became what Winky and I will call The Great Fridge Raid Escapade. I latched onto the big slippery handle with my teeth creating some scratches and pulled with all my might to open the huge metal wall guarding what they hoard for themselves. I eventually succeeded and jumped up into the fridge grabbing my favorite snack,Carrots. I ripped the bag open and ate them all as fast I could leaving bits of plastic on the floor and creating a mess. I decided to try some more exotic foods such as a leafy thing titled Kale, note to self NEVER EAT AGAIN, Chocolate sauce and peanut butter. I think I still have a tummy ache still from the food I ate.

(Tommy Smithson stands in the darkened parlor of his parents’ house. It is 1916.)

I don’t know what to do. I’ve already seen too many of my old buddies go off to France, off to Flanders, and come back home in boxes made of wood. I’ve heard the stories of the carnage in the trenches, and I don’t want it. It makes me bloody nauseous. But here I am, standing in my parent's’ living room, in the middle of the night, in the middle of the darkness of war, in 1916, not even independent enough to live by myself...

I should probably run away. Yeah, that’s the ticket, away from the poppies and towards the moors...I’ll live like a savage! I mean, the war itself is already so barbaric, it’s just the same thing! You know what-I’ll go right up to that man in khaki at the draft office, look him straight in the eye, stand toe to toe with the bugger, and...and…

...And I will just go to the war like the rest of them. If I dodge this one, they’ll find them. They’ll haul my arse away to jail in an instant. I can see it now, right at the top of the Sunday Times, “Tommy Smithson, scion of Kent millionaires, arrested because he chickened out of his duty to his country…”

And they said war was fun! You get to buddy up with your boys, they’ll be your friends forever...all of the mademoiselles down there, you’re bound to find a pretty one...and most importantly, you’ll get to stick it to Jerry! You’ll kick the hun right where it hurts! Yeah, we’ll have the Kaiser quaking in his boots! Yeah! Of course, of course, I could...I could...die…

Why can’t things be the way they were before the war? Summer was endless then. It was always mild, everything was quiet. Garden parties lasted long into the night. We ruled the waves, we ruled the world! When I was a boy...oh, that seems so long ago now...I had no cares. All of the wars were far away, in the Transvaal, in the streets of Peking....not right next door! I could romp happily in the yard, climb up the tree, crawl around the nursery, entertaining my little sister…(he starts to cry)

Uncle, I know you can’t hear me. You’re too old to go to the war. You shielded me from this, told the draft board that “he’s too young”, “he’s valuable to the family”, “he has more money than Lloyd’s of London”. Of course, my parents said for me to go, to be a man, to stop shirking my patriotic duty. Mum said, “Tommy, this is for your country. If you don’t go, then we’ll have rows of kraut soldiers in the streets, in the towns, raping our women and killing our children. I don’t know why your uncle coddles you like this…”

They beat him down...those bloody monsters known as my parents brainwashed the bugger. My uncle, he should have protected me. But he went and told the man at the local draft board to sign me up. Dragged me over. Gave me a hideous khaki uniform, a helmet, and a rifle. (Picks up the helmet).

You know, I wonder...maybe there’s a man just like me, over in Germany, and he’s twenty-one, and he’s pampered, and he doesn’t want to go to fight country. He’s just like me. He’s an accidental traitor.

Oh, he loves this country...this...this...Fritz. Yeah, his name is Fritz. Fritz loves the rolling hills and lovely people and busy towns of his country. He just doesn’t love his nation’s generals, that’s all. He despises his generals, full of useless pomp and sparking medals on their chests, only there to commemorate how many men they’ve killed.

(He pauses. Tommy breathes for a moment, puts the helmet down, and sits on his bed.)

But I really have no choice, do I? I’m just bargaining with myself. Trying to buy a little bit of time when I don’t have any. I can hear the machine gun fire already. I can feel the mud and the muck up to my knees. And then I go over the top, and I hear the boom of the cannonfire and I see  the fiery eyes of the hun…

Before he died in the fields of Flanders, my friend Jonathan sent me a letter. He told me the one thing war taught him. He said that, at night, he could hear the moans and whines of Jerry over the muddy expanses between the trenches. He said he saw those German bodies, right next to the British bodies. And he said they’re all the same. Both cold, both stiff, both with eyes shut.

(Sigh)

I think I know where I’m going tomorrow…

(He puts his head in his hands. The lights slowly dim)

Musical Moment

(Sits down in studio)
Timing isn’t everything, but everything takes time. That’s what I tell myself.  My girlfriend.  My friends.  I know I don’t keep all my promises, but I can’t if I’m being forced to make these promises.  They are not legitimate if I’m not into them.  Does this mean these people I hold closely in my life are not actually my priority?  Is that how I can tell what is most important to me, by seeing what I choose when I am scared to consciously make the decision.  This music business has been the longest process of my life.  It has been the ride of my life.  And even now, after I thought I had made it over the big hump, where people I thought were friends seemed ashamed of what i did, I now realize that hate is part of everyone’s life, and that overcoming that made me strong for this decision, which is turly my largest struggle on this path.  

This record deal could change my life.  Do I want it to.  Could letting this go destroy all I have strived for.  I have persevered through so much.  I can’t have sacrificed how I felt all this time, just to blow off an opportunity when it finally, finally, comes.  I find myself when I am in music.  But maybe I’m not just finding myself, but I’m losing others.  Losing the love of my life.  I don’t even know what the outcome of either choice will be.  Do I go back to school?  See all my friends.  The team who has stuck with me up until this point.  The girl I have loved like no other.  Or do I follow my dream.  I could be rich, and famous too, doing what I love.  

But if it means not being with the people I love too, then I truly don’t know how it will feel.  I remember sitting in this spot, rapping and vibing with my friends.  My best friend Jake, who I haven’t talked to in a week because I’ve been locked up in this room, and not picking up my phone.  I remember he played a beat.  It was the instrumental to a Hopsin's song.  I remember the beat dropped, and I started spitting, and I felt so powerful, everyone in the room glued to every rhyme.  It was with them that I got into rap.  It is them that told me how good I was, and that kept me going.  Without them, I don’t even know if I like music.  And I don’t know if they will follow me any farther if I don’t come back this semester.  I fear I’ll get what I want and not what I need.  Ugh, more texts.  (checks phone to see texts from Jake and Bae asking him about plans).  I want to get in my zone, but I’m too distracted.

I wish I had guidance now.  My music has always guided me.  Maybe that’s what I need right now.  The way I truly feel will be exposed through my words when I rap.

*Sets up studio quickly to rap*

*Music plays for a moment while Josh vibes*

All this rapping I’m doing I hope you all follow, cause without the one’s I started with inside I’d feel hollow, leaving me would make it hard for me to swallow, cause even though this rap stuff is all that’s on my mind, leaving, I don’t want to leave these relationships on the line, cause I don’t talk to my family cause they don’t understand a thing, they don’t see that I’m just trynna reach my damn reach.  Still, I never want to stop riding with you girl, and you too Jake.  I used to not know the difference between the real and the fake, but then I found some real people and now I have no need to use the brake.  

(Takes off headset)

I know now.  I need to follow my the dream of my life.  People come and go, but I will not change.  I used to write lyrics hoping to bring people along.  But I know now that if I let go and write exactly how I feel, that’s how I will get the most people to follow me, and how I will create loyalty.  And I hope they follow me too, but if not, it was a good ride, but I had to make a turn eventually, to get to where I want to be.

(Shaking in seat, waiting for fight to start.) Aw yeah, the Undertaker is going down tonight! Don’t cha’ think man? (Motions to the random person next to him) Um, you think the Undertaker is going to beat him? Listen, I know we just met, but I need to say: In. Your. Dreams, pal. I bet money on this. I should know that he is going dow- Wait! That’s the announcer. Yes, it’s starting! And there’s the Undertaker. Look at him, man. He looks weak. And there he is. The man that’s gonna make me rich. AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA (theme music ensues). Heck yeah! Now look at him. That guy is a beast. His moves are so swift and powerful, he’s gonna take down the Undertaker in no time and conquer this steel cage match! What do you mean no? Look. At. Him. The Undertaker has no chance. I’d bet you $500 that the Undertaker won’t even last one minute in that cage if I didn’t already bet my brother. Matter of fact, I’ll bet you anyway. $500, on the table right now that John Cena wins. Oh, you actually wanna do this? Alright then, we’ll leave the money right here. Just know that you’re pretty much out $500. There is no way John Cena is gonna get beat. He- Wait. That’s the bell! Ok man, I hope you’re ready to lose 500 bucks ‘cause John Cena is going to town! (Watches fight begin. Looks around sporadically) Aw yeah! Bang! Boom! Right in the kidneys! (Begins to look only at person next to him) Dude, you can’t honestly tell me that the Undertaker can take him down. Look at that. The guy can’t even touch him let alone defeat him. I’ll just be taking this now then...Dude, why you hanging on me? What do you mean look now? Why is John on the floor? Why is the Undertaker on the ropes? He’s not gonna…(Looks up slowly and then down quickly. Horrified expression. Whispers) Body slam…(Normal Voice) Oh no. (Looks off into distance. Keeps looking off into the distance before he says every number) 1 No. No, no, no. 2 No, John. Come on. 3 John please. Get up! 4 No! Come on. 5 Cena! Get! Up! 6 Dude, come on! I bet money on you! 7 I have a family. I gotta feed them. 8 You can’t do this to me John! 9 (Elongated yelling) Cena! 10 K...O... (Looks over to guy) Just take the money and leave me, man. I just need to sit here...for a minute. How could he lose? I bet all of my life savings on that fight. Dang...Well, at least I can catch the Floyd and Mayweather fight. (Walks off stage)