I’m sorry. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, it was supposed to be easy and quick and you weren’t supposed to be in so much pain. You weren’t supposed to look like this, all sad and alone with so many damned tubes coming out of you. You’re family, I didn’t- I don’t want you to suffer. You understand, right? There’s just been so much going on in the family, you know how all our siblings were rushing around, trying to pick and choose which part of the company they wanted, laying down and worshipping Father and trying to get him to name them heir, as if would let anyone run the company except for me. But you probably didn’t notice any of that. Your head is always in the clouds.

It’s funny, right? He’s always been a terrible person and an even worse father but who cares anymore? He was dying and all of us flocked to him before his death just to get more money from him, from his stupid company. I’m supposed to forgive him just because he’s dying  “before his time?” After all he’s done to us- he was never around and when he was it was- it was- well, who cares anymore, right? The idiot is dead, no thanks to you. You were never part of this, you know that? You weren’t supposed to be there, it was just going to be him all alone, already dying. It would’ve been easier that way, no one would’ve suspected it anyway. A dying man dying a little quicker? Everything would’ve been wrapped up neatly with a little bow.

But instead you were there and you saw and you- it’s your fault you’re like this! You were always sneaking into places you shouldn’t’ve been in, always finding new passages and exploring the house. I don’t know why I keep talking as if you’re dead. The doctors said you would be fine, that when you woke up there wouldn’t be any brain damage. That’s why I’m here, actually. That and Mom keeps yelling at me for not visiting you in the hospital. But mainly the first reason. Because if you do wake up, when you do wake up, you’ll remember everything. And if you remember everything it could make things very very complicated, and then I couldn’t rule the company anymore and Mom would be sad and I’d be in jail for the next couple decades. So, now I have to do this. For the future of this company. For the future of this family.

You never got it, never understood. You’re too young to understand what happened, what I did and why I had to do it. I was always meant to be his heir, and our siblings laying down at his feet for table scraps did nothing to change that. But he was taking so long to actually die, and he wasn’t of sound mind and his business partners were taking advantage of that, trying to get him to raise their salaries or invest in bad decisions. If anything, I did him a favor, ending him early. A favor to him and to his company. To my company.

Where was I again? Oh yea, I have to figure out what to do about you. About you maybe getting better. But you can’t get better, because even if you think you can keep a secret, kids always run their mouth off and I don’t see why you’ll be any different. It’s gonna be easy and you’re not gonna hurt that much, I promise. I’ve already bribed some doctor to slip you something, something that’ll make sure you won’t feel any pain. Even though I put you here, I still don’t want you to suffer. You’re my little sister, and you’re barely even 10. I practically raised you, since Mom and Dad were always out of the house. I always did what was right for you, and that’s what I’m trying to do now. For what it’s worth, I’ll miss you, Kelly. Everyone will.

I am walking home with my mom from school talking about my day` like normal parents, but she told me that she had some bad news. “What is it?” I said to her, (sky gets cloudy and dark)

And then a voice from a distance ¨It looks like it’s going to rain,” (Lightning and thunder) “RUN!!!” I SCREAM on top of my lungs. “We´ve made it home. Phew, that was close”, I said,  

(starts to rain)

When me and my mom got home, I´ve found out that the bad news was that my dog Ben had died. “Awww, RIP. Ben was a good dog. I’ve had him all of my life! Mom, this is the second worst day ever! When Emily died, I never thought that anything bad would ever happen like this again. But it did! I’m just happy that he died peacefully in his sleep, and that he was just old and not sick. But what am I going to tell Jessica, Jenny, Alexis, and Liz? They loved Ben too! I think I want to be alone now! I go to my room. (I slam the door in my room and talked to my self I had remembered those good days with Ben and me) AND… I miss Emily as well as Ben. At least we have an alarm system for burglars so the cops came as soon it has gone off and Emily was in front of the door and that is how she got killed and he did not steal anything in our house and he had gotten arrested for 50 years for  attempting to steal stuff and killing my youngest sister (Emily) If this happens to you, you can do the same thing as me (Mikey) I hate my life but I love my sisters even if they are annoying but, I don’t care. I know how Teenagers are like sometimes.

I know you may be wondering why I am standing in front of you guys. You all most likely know me, but for the ones who do not, my name is Angela Williams. We have been going to school together since 9th grade. To get a better understand of who I am, I’m the girl who was shoved into a locker and made fun of for the whole 10th grade of high school. I bet yall know who I am now. (chuckle)

Well I need to tell you about what has happened since then.

You might have noticed that I left school for a while. I was going through so much and trying to hide it was starting to become harder and harder for me. After getting bullied in school everyday I couldn’t take it anymore so I planned on dropping out and running away. I felt like I wasn’t worth anything. I attempted suicide a couple times, I just felt like I didn’t deserve life.  And I damn sure ain’t sign up for this.

Not only was I going through problems in school, I was having family problems. My family was neglecting me and it was like I was nobody to them. My mother treated me so bad. ( pause, take deep breath) I’m sorry this is my first time really telling anyone this. But my mother got pregnant with me by an accident. She only wanted my brother and that is the way she treated us. He was her world and I was just there. If it wasn’t for my grandma I wouldn’t be. She always would tell me that she don’t want me, she don’t understand why I am still in her life and things like that. There was a time when she told me we were going to the movies and that I could go, I thought that was the first step of her improving and starting to become the actually mother I wanted her to be. Believe it or not but once we got to the theater she told me I had to pay for myself knowing I didn’t have any money. I was 12 years old where did she think i was going to get money from. I had to sit outside of the theater in the cold while they went in to see the movie. That was the type of mother I had. I got tired of it and gave her her wish, I finally ran away.

When I ran away from home, I attempted to slit my wrists in a parking lot. Lucky for me,   there was a lady that walked by me and stopped. She talked me out if doing this to myself and called the police for help.

I tell you all of this today to inform you guys that you will get up out of your struggles no matter what.  As a young adult you have to know the value of yourself and understand that you are worth the world, even in your worst situations. You have to learn to love yourself because no one else can love you if you can’t love yourself first. I have learned that everything has happened for a reason and if it doesn’t  go as plan you just don’t take that L. Look at it in a positive way, think of taking a L as a LESSON and NOT a LOSS. You will have a lot of people that is going to install different things into your head some being negative but you have to learn to be strong and get yourself up out that struggle . For those struggling with insecurities, low self esteem, and depression I just want you to know that you are beautiful, you can do anything you put your mind to, you are strong and you are worth the world. When you think about these things your mind automatically think its a girl going through these struggles but that is not true guys go through this also and I want y'all to know that this speech is for the guys out there too. And yes it comes off as if my focus is for the ones struggling with problems within themselves but it’s for everyone. Everyone is worth something and you may not be sure what that something is but believe me god will come thru keep ya head up and be blessed

Laura taps on the screen, her head tilted to the side with a quizzical expression on her face.

Is this thing on? The red light means it’s recording, right?

Alright, well… where do I start?

My surroundings must look familiar, huh? Yep! This is going to be your room! I finished painting it a few days ago, but it took a little while for the fumes to leave. Ezekiel, at the time I’m filming this, you are… about a week away from coming to term. It’s exciting, isn’t it? The concept of life, how it’s ever-changing and evolving, how everything on this planet is put here for a reason. It’s a cycle, they say. If I told your father I thought that way, he’d probably kill me, haha. All ‘god made us this’ and ‘we do this for that!’

Oh, I haven’t even introduced myself! Well… my name is Laura. I’m your mommy! And right now, you’re in my stomach, which in retrospect is kind of odd now that I say that out loud, hah… I guess It’s confusing that I’m even leaving you this tape. You probably have so many questions at the moment, and I wish I could answer them all. If you’re getting this, Auntie Maya has decided that you’re ready. Well- what does that mean? Haha, I should clear that up.

Laura scratches her cheek nervously, her index and middle fingers drumming on her lap.

I asked my friend Maya to give this to you when she believed you were ready to know the truth. Knowing your father, he probably never let you know what happened to me. I… The doctors tell me I’m not going to pull through. It’s my anemia, it’s gotten worse in the past few months, things are getting scarce. And… I’m really sorry, Ezekiel. That’s why I’m leaving you this tape. So you know who mommy was and how much she loves you! Your father was furious when he found out I might not make it… He blamed himself for me being so sickly. It’s not his fault, Ezekiel. The lord does everything for a reason. And if I have to give up my life to have you nourish and grow on this planet, so be it!

You… you’re going to be born into some very confusing things. Ezekiel, I need you to know that the things daddy and the cult do aren’t normal. I think I really wanted to believe that when I was young and dumb, and I first met him. He seemed like such a wonderful man, and I thought he saved me from a lot of things! Then, one day, he started telling me about all of these strange ideas… How he was a prophet sent to do god’s work, how he had ‘visions’ of how the world was supposed to be… He told me of a group he was gathering together. At first, I tried not to mind it. Now I regret my neglect, seeing the awful things it’s led up to.

Killing other humans isn’t normal. Your father might have tried to convince you it is, but it isn’t. Trust me when I say, your father isn’t killing for a mission. He kills because he likes to. I know he’ll try and immerse you in it too, but I don’t want that for you. I don’t want you to join his plight of darkness. Don’t try and fight your father, he’ll only see you as an obstacle to get what he wants. I need you to know, Ezekiel. I need you to know that whatever happens, you have to find your own humanity. You’re a miracle, Ezekiel. Don’t you ever forget that. And please don’t let daddy see this. Mommy loves you.

Okay, I got to do this. No more waitin around out here people are probably getting suspicious. I can’t afford another day with no damn money. I really need this but…

Ahh! What am I doing! I ain’t no outlaw. Not some crook to be shot down like I was nothin but filth on the road. Shit, but that’s exactly what I’ll be if I keep on like I am right now. Scavenging for food, eatin every other day. Nobody should be living the way I am. Sometimes I just wish I was young boy again. Ain’t had nothin to worry about then. All I did was run around and play with the horses on the farm… Before the fire of course. That’s when it all went wrong, my life, my family, my home. All gone in one passing night. When I look back on it now I don’t know how I’m even still breathing this long after, but I am and I’m not just gonna give up on myself. So I gotta get in there and hold the place up. Right? Wrong! No no! God damnit I don’t know what the hell I’m doing anymore! I’m about to rob a store for christ sake. This ain’t me. No, I can’t be relying on criminal behavior to stay alive. C’mon Wayne! I know your momma taught you better than this. But momma wouldn’t want you starve out on the streets either. Maybe I’m overthinking it. It’s not like I have to kill anyone. Just get in there, be all loud and intimidating and get the cash out the register. Simple. Alright, lemme just- God damn my heart is racin.

“This here a robbery partner! Now it’s real simple, I wanna see all the money you got or you gon have a brand new hole in ya head. Now! Faster than that c’mon! I ain’t got all day!”

“ Whatchu doin over there? Oh I know you ain’t reachin for that shotgun. Cause any finger you lay on that thing is gon be one less finger you got, partner. That’s right, lay it down real slow now. No need to cause yourself anymore trouble than you already in partner.

What I tell you boy! Put it down! Now! I said put it down.”

(click of the hammer being pulled back)

“I’m not gonna do you no harm, boy if you’d just listen to me. Ain’t the time for no hero boy. Listen to me, you got till the count of 3 to put the rest of that money in the bag. One… Two… Three-

(doorbell rings as a another customer walks in. Frightens wayne enough for him to pull the trigger accidentally.)

BANG!

“Shit! God damn, that wasn’t supposed to happen. You! You fool! Scared the hell out me, cost this man’s life right here. Yeah This ain’t my fault. I’m not getting thrown away for this shit, I can’t. This is all you partner! I ain't goin down for this! “

(Door opens again, law walks in)

“No… No please no.I didn’t intend for this.”

(sobbing voice, very emotional)

Some people turn they face when they get a first glance at me. Some people just don’t look at me at all. Sometimes kids ask their parents what is wrong with my face. I pretend not to hear them. I am different. I can’t just go to a restaurant and sit down without getting a million and one stares. I am something that is out of the ordinary. Once I walk in the room some people will say “oh my gosh” and turn away. My parents say I am a miracle child, but I think I’m just a kid with a weird face. I wear this helmet over my head most of the time to avoid problems even though my parents think I should show my beautiful face and some people think I am too old to be wearing this helmet. There’s nothing beautiful about this face of mine. I avoid looking in the mirror to escape reality.

I don’t really have friends. I spend most of my time playing video games and listening to music. The rest of my time is devoted to watching people in love. This might sound crazy but I love love. I see people my age in love and I say to myself “ Wow, I want to be in love”. I doubt anybody would ever love me though. There’s this girl who moved in next door who is so pretty to me. She smiles and waves at me every time she sees me but she never ever saw me without my helmet. I know she probably thinks I'm a weirdo for always wearing this helmet but she never makes me feel weird. I want to actually have a real conversation with her, but I’m scared she won’t like me anymore once she sees my real face.

My name is Rashad and I have Treacher Collins syndrome. I have lived with this my whole life. I have gotten a number of surgerys and been to the hospital more than you can imagine. Now enough about me, lets talk about Ciara, the girl next door. Ciara( smiles and looks up) Every time I say her name the biggest smile forms on my face. Situations like this never work out for me though. I usually just not get to excited because I know it won’t happen, but I was wrong. Thus was the first time I was going into a girl’s house that I liked. Oh I didn’t mention it? Ciara invited me over. My mom talked to my mom and next thing I know I’m getting a text from Ciara saying she wants me to come over. I am nervous as hell! I know I’m going to say stupid stuff , but I really just hope everything come naturally. I’m in Ciara’s house and it’s beautiful. It’s so colorful and bright and they have so many family pictures up. My heart is beating so fast that Ciara might hear it. My palms are so sweating which is crazy because my mouth is so dry. Here I am sitting down on her couch waiting for the impossible to be possible.

( Ciara starts speaking).

“What wait? “

“What do you mean you have can...”

“Well are you ok”?

“ Ciara I will love you no matter what”.

“ And I this time thought my face disfigurement was bad, that is nothing compared to what your going through.”

I would have never knew she had cancer because she is such a happy and cheerful person, and I love her, and she loves me , I am so lucky to love her. I found something I was always looking for and so did Ciara.

Love and someone who can understand one’s struggles.

I can’t believe my boys lied to me.  all this fall, there was this one girl that I was in love with and all I wanted to do was to ask her out. On tuesday my lunch period is on my third period so, when I got my lunch I want to the room that me and my ex friends would go to hang out and have fun, right when I walked in the class they started to tell me ‘’ yo Maria likes you man.’’

I started to get red and believing what they are where telling me, so I walked to one of her friends after lunch was over and asked her, ‘’can I ask you something and you won’t tell Maria please,’’ she just started to ask me questions like ‘’why are you trying to talk about her in a bad way.’’ No I said, I would never but those Maria have feelings for me, she started to laugh, No she said, Maria likes someone in another class.

After that day I never talked to them, I would lie to them that I had to do homework so I didn’t have to hang out with them. This want by for years and they tried to talk to me but I was just to mad. This was two weeks ago now they think everything is ok, just wait and see what i’m going to expose them for what they have done to me.

[Talking to the phone]

Why does everyone have to lie, why do friends have to lie about something that was not true. This friends lied  to me 2 weeks ago and it was not funny because they made me believe that, Maria didn’t really liked me and I will never forgive them for it. Maria never had feeling for me and she never will, so why did they have to play with my feeling like that and making me believe them just because I trusted them. All I'm saying is don't you ever text me back and Maria, yes I liked you and I'm sorry for not telling you like a man but it was just I was scared to hear your answer and that made me scared.

Wait this guys are texting me again, why can't they just leave me alone and accept that I'm still mad for what they have done to me. I started to text each one of them to fuck off and leave me alone forever, but they kept texting me back that Maria really did like me. I text back, if Maria really did like me why did her friend said that Maria didn't like me and they were best friends. They would text back, Maria probably didn't tell her because she liked to talk to much and she didn't want you to know probably.

Look guys just leave me alone please, Maria friend told me already that she didn't liked me so just leave me alone. They kept saying ok but Maria told us that she did like you and if she didn't why are you taking this to heart and just leave it alone and hang out with us. Look man I have Homework to do.

[text message buzz]

Wait. It’s Maria. She says… what? She wants to go to the dance with me?

After the dance I said sorry to all of my friends and they didn’t want to accept but after a week everything want back to the way it was and had a girlfriend.

I’ve been on this bus for the past 3 hours and I can’t bear to get off. There are 15 stops before I get home and I don't want to get home. I'm too nervous and I don't know how my mom is going to react. My hands tremble to the thought of telling her the news. Like I’m only fifteen years old man. I'm not ready for this kind of responsibility. I don’t know how my mom is going to react to the big news. Looking back at it I should have been more careful. Like I don't even love Amanda why did I even mess with her?I know I got myself into this hole. Like I need to find a job now and quit school. I can’t don’t do this I can’t handle all this responsibility and I definitely can’t handle the pressure.

I just need to stay calm and figure out how I’m going to tell mom I’ll worry about the other stuff later but, right now I have to figure out how I’m going to tell her. I'll just ask her how her day has been but, if she had a bad day I’m definitely not telling her. Imma just asks if we can talk in the living room and slowly but surely deliver the news. This could go either two ways she could be happy about it or the other possibility is that she doesn’t take the news well, gets disappointed at me, and kicks me out the house. Let me check where I am. Damn 11 stops until I get home. I need to make a plan right now I can’t be thinking about what if. I’m just going to be straight to the point and tell her everything that happened that night. I just don’t want to disappoint my mom she’s always told me to be careful with that stuff and that I shouldn’t mess around. I just wasn’t thinking right when I did it. I was drinking all night long and Amanda was drinking too. It just kinda happened and I don’t remember much about but I know that it happened. I just wasn’t in the right place that night and I was definitely not in the right mindset after all that drinking.

It's 7 stops until I get home and I'm even more stressed than I was before. All this time that I've spent on this bus has made me think about that night and if I could go back and stop myself I would. I just wanna get home and lock myself in my room and never come out so I don't have to face my problems. I guess I’ll just have to man up and face my mistake. It already happened and I can't change it I’ll have to work hard and find a job in order to support my family.

It's 3  stops now, already, ok . I know what I'm going to do I'm going to tell my mom everything and I will own up to my mistake and take care of that baby and care for its mother. One stop closer to home, I think I'm ready to tell my mom. It's time for me to get going and tell my mom that I got Amanda pregnant. I will explain the whole situation from beginning to end and see how she feels about it. As I get off the bus I'm still stressed but  I feel a lot more confident in telling my mom about what happened. Even though I am not prepared to be a father I look at this situation as a learning experience and I will try my hardest to provide a good home for my baby.

My phone is ringing…

“Hello?”

(...)

“Okay..”

I’m really not hungry right now. I was actually focused on this project. By the time I get back from dinner, I’m not gonna wanna code anymore.

*Walks downstairs*

Ugh, she got those nasty chicken fingers from ACME. They’re so dry.

  (...)

Why does she care about school? She doesn’t care about me in the first place.

“It was just a normal day”

(...)

“I was hanging out with friends. I only got home at like 5:30”

(...)

“James and Raul”

  (...)

“How do you not know who I’m talking about. I mention them all the time.

(...)

“Why wouldn’t I hang out with other kids? I don’t need to join a club just because other kids do.”

(...)

“Okay, but I like the friends I have.”

(...)

“Why…”

(...)

“I do have a life and I do have friends. Why can’t you just be positive sometimes?”

*mom leaves room*

Ugh why can’t I just enjoy being myself?

Maybe I should try to spend the night with James tomorrow.

*logs into his mother’s facebook*

SHE SAID THAT I SAID I HATE HER??

Why does she make stuff up about me? What did I ever do to her? No wonder all of her friends ask me so many questions. She doesn’t seem to care about me herself.

Who should I talk to?

Will my dad listen? Will my brother listen?

I don’t think they will understand. I feel like something is wrong. None of my friends ever mention them feeling bad about themselves. Nor do I, but still. My friends are always posting pictures with their parents having a good time. I never post anything of my or my family. It just doesn’t seem right. I don’t want people to judge me. What if my brother makes fun of me for talking to him about it? If my mom knows that I talked to somebody about her, she might get mad.

I fell asleep…

(2 hours later)

Maybe I should just take a break. My grandmother won’t judge me. I know she can keep it to herself. She always asks how I’m doing. I always respond with “good” or “fine”. Fine means that I’m just not loving school. I never relate it to life at home. I’m sure she’ll understand.

*calls his grandmother*

“Hello?”

(...)

“Hey Grandma!”

(...)

“Yea uh… Like, do you think I could see you soon? L..”

(...)

“Like alone?”

(...)

“Yea I just really want to see you alone if that’s okay”

(...)

“Could I come over this weekend?”

(...)

“Yea 1 hour is fine. I’ll get myself there.”

(...)

“Okay bye bye! I love you!”

(...)

Oh no!

I hope she understood that I was really nervous. She might ask my mom if something is wrong. If I call her back, she will be worried.

Maybe it isn’t me at all. Maybe my mom is going through something. What could have happened? Her dad passed away 3 years ago now. She didn’t even like him. At least that’s what she told us. She quit her job last week. That was her choice wasn’t it? Maybe I should just go talk to her

Xan xim zom tom rom shuppa tablada samy eyoko takara

Translation

The girls here are beautiful. All different shapes, shades, and styles. I love… what do they call it? Oh yes, I believe I overheard someone say “Diversity”. Back on my own planet Xanahr, with a silent H, all the girls look the same and all the girls look like boys. The way to recognize a female is by their lack of a 37th tentacle. When I arrived on earth In this city I was entranced by the tall spaceships that don't fly, bewildered by people stuck in screens with prices on them, confused by the small vehicles that roll along the ground making loud honking sounds, and unerved from the people yelling unknown words at me, I had disguised myself to look like one of them. The problem was that as normal as I looked, the girls didn’t seem to enjoy me.

Today was a rough day. I had decided to use some of the words I had learned. I was walking next to Macy's and I saw an old white man, make a “tweet twwwwwwww” (whistle) sound with his lips. It sounded like the first of 576 mating calls people make on my home planet. He followed that by saying “Ayoo Shawty come here and get this treatment”. Shawty, if that was her name, punched him in the face. This must be a part of the mating ritual I surmised. When I repeated this processes, I got the same result, but I had no way of knowing whether it was the right result. I approached another lady on the corner “Hellooooow sweet thang,” I said, repeating the word I had heard earlier, and again the response was violent. This resulted in the damage of my favorite tentacle, number 26. She was beautiful, but it hurt. I began to wonder if I could survive these strange mating rituals and whether, if I discovered the secret rites of courtship, I would experience pleasure in female companionship.

I was discouraged. While I was surrounded by diverse beauty, I had no way of knowing the hearts and minds of the girls I encountered, and no idea about what I should or should not do. The girl I encountered next would change all of that. I recall how her hair was flying in the wind, glowing, and decided that I could not miss my chance. On my native planet, we begin courtship using a distinctive walk consisting of a series of dips, bobs, and turns. I decided to try using this female-catching walk on the one with the glowing hair and she laughed. On my home planet the males follow the distinctive walk by showing their 37th tentacle but I was reluctant to do this. I clearly didn’t understand the females of this planet and said as much to her. I explained that I had tried to emulate the actions of other men I had observed, but was always met with violence. She asked me to describe these behaviors and after I recounted them, she explained that, on this planet, it was wrong to treat women like that-- like objects, things without thoughts or feelings. Her words hit me like a train and made my world spin.

I hadn’t been observing rituals of courtship at all but something she called harassment. I couldn’t understand why males of this planet would treat their female counterparts this way. Clearly there was nothing to be gained from doing so. Perhaps harassment did not exist on my planet because telling males and females apart was nearly impossible; however, maybe harassment didn’t exist because we cared for each other. She invited me to come with her, and we actually just hung out. It felt more like courtship on Xanahr, and she explained the ways to approach the women of her plant respectfully. I understand now and I am hopeful for the future.