*Gets home*

Oh yeah Ms. Smith said my grade would be in by now lets see. *Pulls out computer and starts checking grade* Wait What? No. A 40%.Oh no how am I supposed to bring this grade up. Why do I try so hard and I always do so bad…. Why??? My mom is going to kill me. Nothing ever goes right for me anymore.

Nothing goes right for anything I do at all. Why am I constantly feeling like I can’t catch a break? Why now out of nowhere does everything go bad? I’m going to fail this quarter now.  I’m supposed to be the one who goes to school and gets good grades. Everyone expects so much of me and I feel like they’ll see this and they will be disappointed. This is too much stress and I feel like I’m dropping the ball. Why can’t things just work out for me?

My mom and dad expect me to be so smart and organized and have everything handled but it’s so hard. I can never just get everything in on time. I try so hard to stay on top of the work but it’s like I miss so much and I don’t even know how to do this. I don’t want to ask for help because then people will think I’m not on top of things.

But I have goals and I gotta be strong. I have much to dwell on but I am going to get nowhere worrying about what happened in the past or what people have to think. I have to go to school and get good grades but I will do good. I will go to college to become successful. This is a lot to juggle all the time everyday but I will be able to do it. I realized that the more and more I go through this that it’s hard but it also makes me stronger and stronger, mentally and physically. Over the course of 2017 my mind is so much further than it was.

Yoo why can't i make these damm 3’s. I know i'm not the best basketball player but dam Ms. Pahomov can ball better than me and she's an english teacher. Like i practice every single day. I didn't make the team last year(make some type of noise) everyday in the summer I went to taney, and practiced. I'm just standing here looking dumb. If i don't make this 3 pointer i'm done for the day.(notice a cute girl)  Woow, damm, oh god. She so cute. If i make this 3 i know that it will impress her. (shoots the ball and makes it) Yess!! I made it. I'm not sure if she seen it though like wt.. Ok let me calm down and just go over there. Oh hey (clears his throat) hey wsp what's ya name? Oh Sharina? Thats a nice name. So you do streaks? Ok you do. Can I get your Snap then? You said Sharina_taken? Oh so that means that you have a boyfriend? Ah my bad Tot I didn't know this was your girl.

I know I was just chillin and she was was just looking at me. So i don't know man? (Tot started yelling at her her) Yo Tot the truth is i didn't know who she was and I ask for her name. I did not mean for it to lead to where we lead. Yea man i am really sorry, i know why you are upset but dam it was an accident. Yea it was. Come on don't act like this. (challenges him to a basketball game) A one on one? Your like the best player in the whole school. Come on man please. You're going to embarass me infront of the whole school. ( sucks his teeth) Ard man come on. Wait i got ball first. I know i'm not as strong as you. Yo bro watch them elbows, you hit me in my face. I am playing ball. You what, just play come on. (he takes a deep breathe) I know i can make this shot. (makes it) Let's go!! All i need to do is just score one more and i win. You think your going to win.(started talking trash) I've been practicing this shot all year. (close his eyes) wait how did i miss!? I'm just like another flight reacts a walking L. let me be a bigger man. Yo tot good game. You think i did  good? Thanks. Yea your right, all you need to do is just believe in yourself. So no hard feelings? Ard thanks see you.  

                                                                                                                                        Octavain A. Davis

*scene opens up with wind blowing*

E-excuse me sir, do you have any e-extra change on you that you don’t need? *Gasp* I'm not going to use the money you give me for drugs, I’m not a crackhead! Sir, sir, listen, I am so sorry for screaming at you, I-I-It's just that I-Am hungry a-and Im cold, I just really need some money……………………….Well fuck off then don't walk in this direction ever again!

*Another person walks past*

Hi, do you have any money for me, I’ll give you something in return. *Flirtatious*

*Gasp* *sadly looks down at the two pennies she have in her hand*

Why do-do p-people keep calling me a crackhead? I’m just a homeless woman...who lost everything she had because her house got taken away for drugs. Bbbut that doesn't mean that doesn't mean that i'm a crack head, it just means I was around it a lot

*pauses*

Oh who am I kidding? Why am I lying to mys *Pauses due to interruption* mind your damn business, I can talk to myself If I want to!

Ignorant ass people, now, where was I? What happened to me? I’m worse than what I was in high school! A very depressed kid who couldn’t find who she was because she’d always listen to the negativity others would bring to her. Me, I was the person who was bullied from third grade because *pauses* *sniffle* B-because I use to come to school with bruises on my body, all the way through high school, because I was the quiet girl with a drunken father who always came to the school to argue with the teachers about notes being sent home regarding bruises on my body.

After my first time smoking weed, I relied on it as a fake coping mechanism. I knew I could deal with my father beating me senseless every night, but, I chose not to. I chose to escape from reality. Soon, it became an addiction, and a gateway to cocaine.

I got so addicted, I just couldn't be me without it.

I numb the pain with the drugs because I lost touch of the Lord, I lost touch of myself because I'm living in a world so fake, I lost touch of the real me.

I c, I can’t take it nomore, everytime I try to change, I go back to the same things! This is karma, It's coming all at once because I was so stupid in high school. *gets mad* I was stupid for following the crowd. Getting drunk and smoking weed at a tenth grade party. I thought it was so innocent at first, like “this cant harm you, this won't harm you, you're just having fun Mariana. You know when to stop you know better, Mariana.”

Of course I didn’t reach for help when I knew it became a problem. I didn't have anyone to turn to, because every time I would try to talk about my situation, my p-p-pops would just s-slap me senseless and tell me to shut the fuck up and handle it myself. To stop bitchin about any and every thing. *wipes tear* He’s been an alcoholic abuser since my mom left him, since she left us.

How could she, how could she leave me with him knowing how he was. I couldn't stay with him so I packed my bags and left when I was 17 to live with my friend. And things didn't go so well because he was arrested soon, his house was taken away for drugs.

Now what? Im 21 years old living on the street with no job or thought of the future. I am a disgrace to mankind, it's time for me to make a change. It's time for me to go to rehab and get my life together because I don't give a fuck if I go to jail, I much rather be clean in jail or rehab, than stay out here in the cold dangerous world. I can’t believe, I can’t believe I ran away from the one person I loved, the one person that always had my back, the one person I trusted, and the one person and that one person was me. Now its time for me to find myself and discover my true identity.

I never really understood why some people don't care about their birthday, or don't want people to know about their birthday. But I think I kinda get it.  See Tomorrows my birthday, and the closer it gets the less I care about it. Now normally I have a countdown to my birthday and I make sure everyone knows when my birthday is. I constantly tell people about it because I'm so hype for it to be “my day.” Sometimes my birthdays don't always turn out that well but I always look forward to it. This year is different though. Its my 16th and that's supposed to be a big one. I was making it big. A few months ago I started planning a sweet 16 with some of my good friends. I wanted to go all out. But as it go closer, we were rushing everything. We had to do so much last minute. Like the food, decorating, music, lighting, I even invited people late. That wasn't even what was really getting on my nerves. I don't really like people spending money on me and my mom spent a lot. So whenever we would talk about what needed to be done she would get really upset. It was just hard to deal with. One thing that really hit me hard though,  was what she said after I told her I didn't want her boyfriend at my party. She told me she wasn't going to go. If he didn't go she wasn't going to. I was so confused. Because your boyfriend doesn't go you don't want to? But I'm your daughter and if he's there i'm not gonna have the fun i could without him being there. But I knew that if she didn't go I was gonna get hell after. She put alot into it and if she missed the party she would be pissed. I'm not having another sweet 16, it's only the one. It just hurt hearing that she chose someone she hasn't known nearly as long as her own daughter. And that she didn't really care about missing my sweet 16. I knew my decision was hard, but if I wanted everything to be ok I would have to let him come to the party. I cried so much because of what she really said. I was shocked and hurt. The next day was hard I wasn't really looking forward to the party I kind of just wanted it to be over. But surprisingly it was pretty fun I got to dance, take pictures and celebrate my birthday. I didn't get to eat as much food as I would like to but overall everything went good. There wasn't one mistake. But my birthday is still on the way. And i'm not looking forward to it. I don't know why, but I don't really care about it anymore. None of my close friends want to do anything with me on my birthday. My mom hurt me with what she said.

But maybe it can still turn out ok. Maybe everything will play out fine.  My birthday is “My day.” and i shouldn't let anything stop me from enjoying it. My birthday is going to be ok…