English 2 · Pahomov · C Band Public Feed
Farewell
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5o0Yq6DH8vk
Dear Reader,
I’ve lived all my life wondering what it is that I’m living for. There was this interesting question that a teacher asked us many years ago: Would you die for those you love or would you live for them? I thought about it. I had a liking for such philosophical things, but I knew that the question didn’t apply to me. I never had anyone to love.
My parents died before I could remember. In my mother’s will, I went to live with my aunt. She was like the generic evil stepmother in the fairytales I read as a kid — mean, controlling, and unloving. I was told to do all of the house chores, and I did them willingly. I was thankful for the life she had given me, but she never seemed to be satisfied. She never married and had no kids. I always thought that that might be the reason why she treated me so. But I think we had something in common — we never learned to love.
I grew up not having any friends. But it’s not like I’ve never tried. I’ve tried to change my life. I’ve tried to make friends. I’ve tried to be more outgoing. But in the end, all efforts were futile. I never had the courage to talk to people. I was always afraid that I might accidently say something that will make them hate me forever. I was afraid to be alone, but my efforts to prevent that only resulted in more solitude. Even in those rare instances where I do get the courage, I find myself not having any topics of discussion. I haven’t had enough experiences in my life. I don’t have anything interesting to talk about. I don’t have any worthwhile stories to share.
I’ve never been the kind of person who wants to be the center of attention. But it’s different when no one pays attention to you. It’s different when no one ever acknowledges your existence. I just want someone to tell me that I matter. I want to have something to live for. It’s not something to boost my ego, but simply a sign of affirmation that I’m real. I go through everyday as if I were just a spectator, as if this life is something that I’m not actually living, but simply observing from the first person.
When I was young, I thought about all the possibilities, all the different things I could be when I grew up. I was hopeful. But as I grew up, as I began to understand more about the reality of the world, all those dreams and aspirations seemed less and less plausible and became more and more distant. I work as a janitor at Phiph Middle School three blocks down the street. It’s nothing flashy. Being a janitor is rather stigmatic by society’s standards. But it’s fitting. Think about it. It’s a job where you are secluded from human interaction and left every day observing the doings of other people. No one ever talks to their janitor. People know they exist, but have absolutely no interest in who they are. They’re just there to clean up everyday when classes are over. It’s the one thing in my life that shows that I have purpose, but I was too replaceable. Anyone could’ve done what I did.
It’s kind of depressing to think that when coming to the end of my life, I feel so empty. Maybe I was never meant to be around people. I have nobody. I hate my job. I hate my parents for leaving me alone in this world. I hate my life. I struggle to find a reason to continue. On the bright side, at least I have nothing to live for. No one is waiting for me tomorrow morning to have breakfast together. No one is expecting me to see my face in the morning. I have no responsibilities. I have no fear. No one will be hurt if I go.
Farewell,
Stewart
Dad Please - Caroline P. - Monologue
My Run with the Law
Better Together - Benjamin Seing
Better Together
“Umm… this is awkward don’t you think? I mean class is over and the teacher has left. Should we be here? I mean, yeah, the school doesn’t lock up until eight tonight but doesn’t it seem too quiet?”
*deep sigh*
“Sure, I’ll talk now in here but I have to leave in about an hour. You said you wanted to ask me something important, so I guess it is better to get it over now than later, right?”
*pause*
“Hmm? What was that? What type of people do I hang out with? Well… I don’t have a certain group of people nor certain person to hang out with. I am able to pop in a group of gossiping people. Then there is the Asian Group where all food is good. I love Asian food. I am what I eat haha. A lot of people have trust in me. Do you not have a group to hang out with?”
*pause*
“Oh, I see. Well the thing is, you don’t need to be in a group to be popular. Like I said, I don’t have a certain group I hang out with. Just be the shadow and find out you think is going to be a great friend to you. Personally, I have been in depression for almost four years. People thought I was creepy and had no life in school. We are in high school now and there are people from all over the place. It’s not like there isn’t anyone that will be perfect and be with you all the time. I struggle with that same problem too.”
*pause*
“ I see… I’m sorry to hear that your friends abandoned you. I was also abandoned because my secret was spilled out a while ago. If you think I’m that popular, then you’re wrong. I treat people with kindness and respect so that I can receive the same back, but they all take advantage of me and think that it okay to take my life like their own personal pawn. Those people who keep smiling at me and those who seems like my friends who treats with respect are FAKE! Those smiles on their faces were just to show me that they are happy with my existence, but inside those eyes of their souls they don’t care if I was around or not.”
*short pause*
“I’m sorry I can’t tell you my secret. Well, hahaha it is not a secret anymore. Most people know already. I just don't want to see the same damn expression from another person! I had enough, honestly.”
*blank stare for a few seconds*
“No, I’m not lonely, I’m just more independent and the type of person who doesn’t stick to a certain group of friends. Tyler, I don’t get noticed by people a lot. You by far this year are the only person who would talk to me and have a decent conversation with. I thank you for this moment.”
*pause*
“I have to go, I’m sorry to interrupt the conversation, but I have an urgent text about an issue at home! But we can pick this conversation up tomorrow if that is okay with you?”
*pause*
“Okay cool! I’ll see you tomorrow morning, then. “
*narrator pauses and looks back at character #2*
“Wait… I just had a thought… we are both in the same position, would you like to be my friend? We can always hangout whenever. We both have the same classes together and the same lunch periods. We can be our own independent group, am I right? You seem like a cool guy to be honest.”
*Pause*
“OKAY! Awesome! I’ll definitely look forward to our friendship! I promise you that you won’t regret this! Thank you for this talk! It put me out of my comfort zone and finally be able to talk to someone with a real conversation! Okay! See ya tomorrow and thank you again Tyler!”
The Struggles of Being Rich- Cynthia To
Why do I need someone to set me up with a blind date when I am fine being alone? Do I have to be in a relationship to take over the company? I am about to turn 27 and I don’t need people to tell me when I should get married. I should get to decide when I should get marry and who I want to get marry with.
(PAUSE)
I know it would be really great for the company and my family if I get married but I’m not ready for the big commitment and marrying someone that I don’t love. “This will help out the company by increasing the percentage rate and being known. This helps my family with the income inequality and to keep our class status too,” they say but I want to get marry but I am not really.
(Pause)
I can still take over the company even though I don’t want to get married right now. I helped the company increase by 0.2 percent. People in the company love working with me because I’m a hard worker and I get things done. Taking over the company takes a lot of hard work that I am willing to do. How does being married now affect me from taking over the family company?
(Pause)
All of my friends already taking over their family company and already married to the girls they love or their parents took them to get married to. Some of my friends aren’t happy with their wife’s and there’s nothing that they can do about it. People that are rich have a hard life finding love as it is already. They are forced to get married to the person that they dislike to help keep their class status and increase the income percentage. Sometimes when I hang out with my friends or with my coworkers, I always imagine what it’s like being married but not how my parents want me to get married. The girl that they want me to get married is Jimin. Her father is a chairman of a really successful company and her parents are also close to my parents because they use to go to Highschool together.
(PAUSE)
For my whole life, I only thought Jimin as a really close friend and nothing more than that. She’s three years younger than me. That’s weird!! Why would I date someone that is three years younger than me? She liked me since we were little. Everyone is telling me that, “It doesn’t matter about our age but the thing that matters is true love.” Why can’t I just live my life taking over the company and find my true love? Probably I don’t give her a chance is because I’m being forced and just think of her as a friend. I wish people will understand me and my feeling.
(Pause)
I should probably give Jimin a try and not be so harsh on her. I will probably love her later on and get to take over the company and make my family happy. She still loves me even though all I have been doing is be mean and crude to her. That has to mean something, right? I hope. In order to take over the company, I need to marry Jimin. It won’t be so bad since we are close friends, right? I want to make it right for my parents and for the company as well. I guess age doesn’t matter when you grow older and have money. I don’t know what the next step of my life is and I don’t know… can I really handle this commitment?
The Rejection of Family and Fortune
For my entire life, I have looked up to my father. I have wanted to be just like him, as every boy does. When my father died, though I was grief stricken, I was also eager to take over the family business.
Well, yesterday, I got to be just like my father, and I was shocked to learn that everything that I thought I knew throughout my entire life had been fabricated and sugarcoated. I realized that I had known nothing about who my father really was, what he had done, or even what the family business dealt with. I never knew that our customers’ lives were destroyed by our business. Our customers are weak and desperate, they rely on our products just to be somewhat content with life. When I went to observe the work of the dealers, I saw a woman stumbling towards us. She was twitching, she had black teeth, bloodshot eyes, and had deep wrinkles despite only looking like she was in her thirties. When she got to the line, she was begging to get ahead. I couldn’t believe that my family business had been turning people into zombies for generations. I never knew that the products we traded led to mountains of dead bodies. When I was on the job, I saw a member of the coast guard approach the ship I was on, to ask some questions. I was shocked when one of my employees shot him in the back. I watched as the blood drenched his uniform and he fell to the ground with a permanent look of surprise on his face. I thought about how this officer probably had a family, a wife, children, and parents that would never see him again. Many of our own people have lost their lives in the name of our company’s profit. Jorge Gonzales, one of my longest serving employees, and a friend of my father’s was shot dead yesterday. I doubt that I will ever recover from seeing the man whom I had known so well as a child riddled with bullets, and I realized in that moment that he had lost his life because of my company.
Many of you standing here listening to my speech have put your lives at risk trying to eliminate our business rivals. I ask all of you whether providing for your family is worth the risk of never being able to see them again. I assure you that your family would rather have you in their lives than the money you earn. I don’t know what to think of my father anymore. Am I thankful for the fact that he raised me and inspired me throughout my childhood, or do I despise him for lying, sugarcoating, and fabricating the details of the family business? Now that I am a fully grown man and have seen what it is my father was actually doing to provide for my family. I have decided to leave the family business.
To my family, I know that all of you are disappointed in me. You think that I am disgracing the family by abandoning the long lived family business. Believe me, I thought long and hard about this decision, I stayed up all of last night thinking about what I observed on my first day. I was not eager to put an end to everything my father had started, or to dishonor the family name, but I decided that staying true to what I believe was more important. Though I’ve wanted to be a drug lord since I knew what jobs were, I realize now that all of my dreams, aspirations, and fantasies about my future were all lies.
Where I Belong
Mindset
Dreaming Through A Lense
Why does Dad always ask me that? Everyday, “When are you gonna get a real job?” Digital media is a real job. It takes a lot of work to write, record, and edit a film. What a surprise, right? Then he has the nerve to tell me to settle down and do something useful with my life. I have settled down and I am doing something, but he doesn’t care because it’s not what he wants.
Dad just wants me to do something that pays well so he can feel validated. He says he’s only looking out for me, but forcing me to do something that I don’t want to do won’t make me happy. I want to spend my time creating. Watching an idea blossom from just a storyboard to a full blown film is the best thing in the world. Then seeing it go on to be successful, it makes me feel like a proud parent. I wish I knew what that felt like, having a parent that supports you no matter what you decide to do.
My entire family has been hounding me about getting a good job for as long as I can remember. They never care about what I want, they just want me to make money. I know that it’s because they want me to be better off than they are, but I don’t know what to do. Maybe they’re right, I mean, it is really hard to find work in this field, but it’s worth it, right? I love photography and cinematography, but maybe it’s not the best choice.
Wait, what am I saying?! Of course it’s the right choice, it makes me happy. Plus I don’t want to be stuck in some office job doing the same things everyday. I want to have adventures, I want to travel and capture all the places I see. I went to college for this for christ sake. It’s been my dream to be a filmmaker since I was a little kid. I’ve been watching and analysing movies and videos since my childhood.
Does that mean I wasted my whole life? Did I spend all those hours, working on a skill that won’t lead me anywhere? Doing the same thing everyday is safer, filing papers, going to meetings all the time. There’s no way I could mess up, get lost, or get hurt. Is it worth it to be safe, but unhappy? I wanna make my family proud. I want to be the kid that grows up and makes tons of money, to be the one that can buy everybody expensive gifts for Christmas, that’s not really easy in a place like this where creativity doesn’t pay off. I guess I should do what my dad wants me to do.
That’s the thing though, it’s what Dad wants me to do, it’s not what I want to do. The only way to live life to the fullest is to actually live. I don’t want to be some robot sitting behind a desk all the time, I’ll go crazy! I don’t want to live in a world of black and white, I need to do something original. Do I want to make myself happy, or my family? Do I want to enjoy working, or do I want a guaranteed salary? I don’t know what to do.
