English 2 · Pahomov · C Band Public Feed
Life
“Hello class, take a moment to settle down before I begin the lecture. So let’s talk about life, yes? Life’s purpose has been sought after by many philosophers, nearly all of them. A large amount of the theories of the purpose of life are typically something akin to this quote, by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, ‘The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.’
*Brief, contemplative pause, then a heavy sigh*
I’m tired of this. I can’t recall how many times I’ve said those exact words, and they hold no real meaning. I’m just spewing bullshit I read in a textbook because my superiors told me to. I’m wasting my time here. None of you fucking care.
You come to this class because you think you’re better than the rest of mankind, like you’re somehow more unique than the rest of the population because you “think too much” or because you “understand the deeper meaning of life”. But Here’s the thing about life - there’s no god damn point. You’re born, you live, and you die. All the while just eating and shitting and doing what you’re told, assuming that greatness will fall into your lap because you for some reason deserve it, or because you worked harder.
Well tough shit, the universe owes you nothing. You’re just lazy so you follow a study that makes you feel superior to others and that you can brag about to your peers while you sit in your chair writing something Plato would be proud of. That’s not going to happen. That’s not going to happen because next thing you know you’re 45, depressed, tired, and stuck in a shitty job that doesn’t pay well talking to kids who don’t really care about what you think.
I had dreams too, you know. I was exactly like you. I wanted to be a remarkable, memorable figure in history. I wanted to be remembered for all my interesting and wonderfully new contemplative thoughts. I got out of college, and life kicked me to the curb. I didn’t have any jobs lined up, my major in philosophy was useless, and I hadn’t learned a single thing over the past 4 years. Do you know what you can do with a major in philosophy? Teach philosophy. It’s a completely irrelevant field of study that just feeds into itself. Have you noticed that almost every great philosopher has written multiple books? Why didn’t any of you just take writing classes? That wouldn’t have been very helpful either, but at least you would have SOME sort of skill. You could’ve written for - oh I don’t know - newspapers.
I’m not even angry at you. I don’t care about any of you - you’re not relevant to my life. I’m moreso angry at myself for being so arrogant and foolish as to not only get a superfluous degree, but then feed into an idiotic cycle, keeping it going. I’m sad that I lacked the foresight to see why philosophy was a shit major. I could’ve been a lawyer or something. A job equally soul-crushing but at least I’d be paid well. I fear I may have lost my mental stability - I mean here I am, standing in front of a room full of twenty-somethings, not even listening to me when I’m clearly going off topic. None of you are listening! I walk up and smack one of you and you wouldn’t even notice! Ugh, what’s the point. I may as well just stick to the lesson plan while I’m here, no use screaming when no one is listening.
The School Transition
I don’t know what to write about. I forgot my idea. I posted it, I swear, but now I can’t find it. My teacher is bugging me about it. She won’t leave me alone. My old school wasn’t like this. I just can’t seem to get used to this untraditional learning style.
Here’s what would happened in class at my old school, I would walk into class and sit down at the desk with my name tag attached to it and immediately complete the question on the smartboard.
After completing the question the teacher would tell the class to take out the homework from last night and pass it to the front of the classroom.
The class would then write notes and the teacher would specifically tell us what to write down in our notebooks. At the end of class we would be assigned a question prior to what we learned in class that day. This was an everyday routine.
But i’m not there anymore because I thought that military school would not benefit me unless I wanted to join the military in the future.
And now, I’m stuck in this new class with no idea what to do, and the teacher is going to come look over my shoulder any minute, I know it.
And in Math, the teacher asked me about my homework and why I was absent. I was absent because I was sick. And i sent an email out, but i don't know if my teachers got it -- because nobody responded. I didn't even want to send that email. My dad made me do it.
And I told the Principal my lunch sucks. THere are these Freshman in there. He told me to get over it.” That´s what he said! ¨Get over it.¨ I don't feel like I have any support here. This school, they try to say they support kids here. They say the work is hard, but I don't have a problem with the technical part -- I have a problem with the format, how they all teach. It´s confusing. I have a research template for World History, and I didn´t know if that was homework or not. I thought it was, and then I missed the deadline. To say ¨the template is due the next day,¨ then itś not clear that itś a project until the end. It just is like any other lesson until the very end, when weŕe making it pretty and presenting it in front of the class. This is so confusing.
There are never any specific instructions telling me how to complete anything. My teachers just expect me to figure it out, and when I ask for their assistance they tell me to use my brain. It’s not that I don’t understand the lesson taught in class it’s the format of each assignment given after the lesson that always confuses me. This can’t go on any longer I have to try and figure these issues out before it's too late.
The social life here is not any better. I gave one person my instagram, and then overnight everybody had it. And all the girls act weird around me. Iĺl talk to them and they stare at me as I´m talking, and then just laugh and turn their head like I said something funny. Except Iḿ being serious. Itś kind of annoying. At my old school, they werenẗ shy the way they are here. I don't know why they would be shy, Iḿ just talking. Iḿ trying to be friends, and they get all weird like weŕe not supposed to be friends.
Except the one who sits next to me in English, Julia. Her behavior is different because she talks to me. She doesn't laugh at every single thing I say. She actually talks to me about the work, and doesn't get off topic if we do talk in class. She doesn't ask me about Instagram or anything.
Why did I do this to myself?
I just have to stop turning in nothing in class. I have to turn in something, or else it becomes a zero.
Hey Julia I have a question. Can you help me get started?
Nothing to Be Ashamed Of- Lily Rivera
Audio
I did it...I actually did it… I actually did it! I mean, I don’t know how, but I did it. I guess all of that studying really paid off! I’ll have to remind myself to go and thank Liz for those notes! I seriously couldn’t have done it without her! The only real reason I passed was her. I’m not even remotely as smart as her.
She really is great. I mean... it’s no wonder she has so many friends. No, no, no, this is not about Liz. This isn’t about Liz and her smartness, or how pretty she is, or how nice she is to everyone....how skinny she is and how all her clothes fit her nicely, or even about how all of those guys seem to just always want her, or-
It’s not about any of those things. Shit, why am I mad at Liz? She was just being nice. God, I gotta stop. This is about me...how I passed the test. So what if she helped me? I mean, I was the one who took the test, not her. It’s not like I cheated! I just got some help...and help is...okay. It’s fine to get help sometimes.
Yeah, right….help. Of course I needed help, I mean, when do I not. I’m practically fucking useless in class anyway. I never pay attention, I can never ask questions because that’s too freakin’ stressful. I mean, it’s terrifying! I can’t handle that kind of attention on me. What if I ask a really dumb question? How freaking embarrassing would that be? That would just show everyone just how fucking dumb I really am, hah…
Look at me having a pity party for myself. I can’t believe how selfish I am. There are people who have it so much worse than I do, and I’m complaining? Wow, what gives me the right to be sad anyway? I should just...stop. God, I am just so...ridiculous. I’m always sad for no reason, like what the hell even is that? Every little thing makes me upset; even if someone even raises their voice at me. I mean, hell, I probably deserve it.
I probably do deserve it. I mean...look at me. All I ever do is complain; I’m selfish, I’m senseless, and I’m practically irrelevant. I’m moronic, I’m careless; all I ever do is let everyone down. I’m bitter, I’m pathetic, I’m inadequate. I can’t do anything right, I can’t even ask my teachers to go to the bathroom half the time! !
Alex?Huh I wonder…
“hey i know you've been really sad and stuff so i thought we'd go out to lunch tomorrow? idk, if you feel up to it. good job on your test today! i knew you could do it! ily, hon! stay strong!”
...I...you know what, what am i doing? I'm completely overreacting. Getting help is…okay. Anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of. I don't know what i was thinking. Heh...I guess I still haven't beat my demons huh?
Streetlights
Make sure you call me when you get home. I don’t know why you didn’t let my mom drive you, Said my friend.
It’s cool, and I’ll call you as soon as my foot touches my front step. I promise.
Before I locked my phone, I saw the red low battery at the top of my screen. 20 percent. Why the hell didn’t I charge my phone when I had a chance to. Now it’s about to die, and I need to get home. I just need to walk past the Mcdonald's on Oregon Avenue to get the G bus. The only thing is, I don’t know where I am now. This is actually my first time on this side of South Philly. I never stay out this late. Especially in unknown neighbourhoods, I should know better than that. At least I had fun, I haven’t seen my friends in a long time. They do say, time goes faster when you’re having fun, right? 18 percent.The street signs blended into the darkness of the night. I couldn’t even read the letters. It took me minute or so to realize I was about 8 blocks down from where I needed to be. Great. If I had charged my phone I could use siri, but I need to preserve as much battery as I can. I need to think more, mom would kill me if she knew I let my phone die like this. Speaking of, let me tell her I am on my way home.
Hey mom, everything is all good. I am heading home now, ttyl.
I hope she replies before my phone dies.
Where are you? Said my mom, her text message lit up my phone. Almost as a beacon, for my journey ahead.
I'm heading toward 12th and Oregon to catch the bus now, I have to walk through a few neighborhoods.
She replied, Ok be careful. Please call when you get on the bus.
11 percent.
Oh wow, I walked four blocks already? This isn’t so bad. The streetlights on this side of the street are getting dimmer though, so I should probably cross over.
Hey you nigger! Get out of our neighborhood, before we have to force you out. Your kind isn’t welcomed around here.
Who is he talking to? He isn’t talking to me right? Is there anyone else walking besides me? I turned a round, and saw a group of tall men on the corner of a pub. They’re probably drunk.
Yeah keep on, somebody watch her and make sure she doesn’t disappear into the night.
Are you serious? I would have never thought of hearing this outside of a Hollywood Movie! I thought of saying something, but my body kept moving forward. He really just called me that. So much for times have changed, “We Are the World” bullcrap! You know what, why don’t I say something back? I’ll shut him down real quick. I tried to gather the words to say, but my mind blocked me from putting them together. My brain was like an intense game of scrabble. Why couldn’t I twist words off the tip of my tongue, and hurt this man’s pride like he did mine? The word kept repeating in my mind, like a broken record in a way taunting me. WHY COULDN’T I SAY ANYTHING! I realized, I could never stoop down that low. To judge someone for something they cannot change, is not who I am. The difference between him and I is
Ignorance.
I’m not even gonna give this racist the time of day. The bus stop is right down the block. To avoid this, I’ll just hurry along before this escalates. I hear a commotion, are they following me? I’m already on my way, Leave me alone! There goes the bus, I need to run. Running seems like the only way to escape the harassment. I ran to the bus, swiped my pass and I smiled to my bus driver. I pulled out my phone to text my mom, 5 percent.
Mom, I’m on the bus. Man do I have a story to tell you.
Panic
https://www.soundtrap.com/play/yytbRVh7ThqDEwgYjzAejA/monolouge/
A Hidden Love
What are you doing?!?!? You can’t just let him walk out the door….Not after what you found out yesterday. I don’t want to hurt him but I can’t let him marry the wrong girl! I’d be a terrible friend for letting him ask her to marry him (extremely certain)RIGHT? (Increasingly uncertain)Right?!...right? God, why couldn’t it have been me? Why didn’t he CHOOSE me? Can’t he see that I’m madly in love with him or maybe perhaps he doesn’t care. In all those years of our childhood a lifelong bond was created-one that would never be broken. It started out as a friendship that seemed stronger than any friendship there had been in history, we and everyone around us knew it. Usually friendships between a girl and guy tend to get a bit messy because one begins to fall for the other but not ours-at least...not at first. I don’t remember when it happened it just kinda did. I remember it was when we were in high school. My friends did the expected teasing. Ya know how it goes “Why don’t you guys date?” or “You two would make a cute couple”. I mean, all it would do at the time is make the situation awkward. But then, my heart and brain got to talking and nothing good ever comes from that. The feelings just sorta developed over time and day by day I just started seeing him in a different way.
Now we’re in our junior year of undergrad...and sure I’ve dated people here and there, (and so has he) but he’s always been at the back of my mind. But then he met her. I remember when he introduced to me. Said her name was Sofia. He was happy. It was all over his face. They’ve been together for about two and a half years all of them seemingly blissful and now...he wants to marry her. I had no reason to dislike her other than the fact that she was dating the guy of my dreams. But she made him happy and that’s all I wanted for him (even if the only thing I wanted more was for to be the one to do that and I guess I do but not in the way I want to).
However, yesterday all of that changed and I saw her for the conniving little snake she really was. I walked in on her and one of his friends making out half naked in his bedroom(I was there to pick up some papers he needed for a class and I wasn’t busy so I graciously agreed to do it for him). After I stood in the doorway with a look of astonishment on my face for a good five minute, she proceeded to explain to me that she never really loved him in the first place and she was only marrying him for the millions he was worth(I also forgot to mention that he comes from an extremely wealthy family). I didn’t have words, just tears of anger, so I simply left. I knew she was too good to be true. But the problem was then, now that I know do I tell him? And to some it might seem like a no brainer but he’s put blood sweat and tears into that relationship and getting that news would crush him and he had a presentation that day and I didn’t want to screw with his head, but...seeing his face when I gave him those papers-looking into his kind eyes that seemed to stare into the depths of my soul-that might’ve been the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do. But now-now he’s gonna ask her to marry him..I can’t let him do that, at least not without telling him the truth. Then I can admit my undying love for him and he’ll see that I’ve always been her waiting. Yes! I’m gonna do it, finally! But wait what if he doesn’t feel the same way...well then at least he won’t be with that gold digger and that’s all I care about right now...Okay here it goes….
“Wait!”
https://www.soundtrap.com/woneal?
First day of school
Mom, I’m home!
How was my day?
I woke up and thought today was the best day of my life because today is the first day of tenth is the first day I study my sister’s school mov to my sister’s high school, the school that i study before is TRASH, cannot teach me anythings, the students are naughty, the lunch that the school give us are disgusting. It was a nightmare to study my old school. ow, I am very excited the first day of school, I can meet new friends. “Good morning, mum” I said, at that moments I still sleepy but my body make me wake up and move to the living room to eat my breakfast, “Oh, good morning, Zoro, what make you so late to wake up, Zoua is already eating her breakfast.” you replies, you always smile to me when you talk, make the morning much more better, even I have some bad things happen before, you always bring the smile to me, your smile make me relax and safe. After I finish my breakfast, I go to school with my sister. Is there has a food store? What does the lunch taste like? … In my head all the question are popping out from my brain about the things in the new school, at that moment i really cannot sit down because of my excited. We arrive at school at 7:16 am, the school starts at 8:15. So we have about one hour to do anythings we want I ask my sister to show me around the school, she nods. She explains every detail where we have walked in the school, she even showed me where my class and my locker are. Then her best friend Saly and Mercy came toward to us and say hello to me and Zoua, my sister always talk about their stories and things when she has free time with me, “Hey Zoua, I want to walk somewhere else, if you have somethings want me, call me.” I said “I will” she reply. on the way to my locker to put some stuff in it. bullies bullying a boy I thought Zoua’s school do not have bullies, I just stand not help the student who get bullied I toward them and said “what are you doing here?” I said, “none of your business,” they push me the floor like I am blocking the way, then a teacher come by. he teacher saw the bullies push me on the floor call the bullies . “Thank, “ the student who just got bully said, “I am Kama, 10th grade,” “Nice to meet you Kama, I am Zoro, I am new here and I am 10th grade too,” That’s how I meet my first friend, Kama in the first day at school. Then the bell ring, which mean class is ready to start, “Hey Zoro, I think you are in my class, do you want to come with me?” “Sure,” He said
So that’s the first day of my new school, kinda fun, At least the lunch in the new school is yummy.
When breaking the 4th wall...
‘So you go to kill her, because she is my mother… WHAT?’
So in this moment, I got confused by the script. That’s the time to talk with the director.
‘Hey, director!’
‘You tell me to shut up? Hey! I have a question! And you call me to shut up? Did your mum teach you to be polite to everyone huh?’
...
‘Who wrote this script? This scene is trash! Wait… not even the scene is trash, the entire script is trash! Look at the grammar! Change the plot, fast!’
...
At this point you may ask, why an actor will complain the script? Well...that’s not an argument, this scene is actually in the script, so don’t worry.
...
‘What the hell man? And now you start swearing to me and try to lower my salary because I was being rude to the director? Not cool man, NOT COOL!’
...
But this scene is not in the script, things start getting wrong. Ugh!
‘Hey Director! I just follow the script, what are you angry for?’
...
‘What? You don’t want me to in this movie?’
...
I got the feeling when you screwed up and get someone angry! So, you may ask, ‘Hey, so how do you calm the director down?’ Spoiler alert, I calm him down but with a long story.
Don’t want me in this movie? Yeah.
‘That’s not cool, director!’
‘That’s what the script tell me to do, calm down.’
‘Oh guys, here! Help me to calm down the director, please!’
…
‘Just like they said, calm down!’
‘Just… just look at the script god damnit’
…
‘Oh now you feel sorry huh? You should be. Thanks you friends!’
So the director calmed down and we keep on filming.
But before we refilm, me and my friends spend a hour to rewrite the script with frustration.And we are off!
‘So you want to kill her because she killed your mum?’
...
‘But that so risky, she know how to kill but you, you barely know how to use a scissors! How can you avenge your mum if you don’t know how to deal with a killer?’
...
‘What cut, director, huh?’
…
‘What are you saying? What “I don’t like this script?”! We already CHANGE the script. What do you want?’
…
‘Now you want to fire us all, but you can’t! You are not the boss here! Let me call the boss. Oh wait, that’s no signal here, darn.’
...
‘What do you want?’
...
‘Whoa! He-hey, calm down, director. Put down the knife, that is a real knife, not a prop. Just… put it down.’
‘Holy crap, you almost hit me when you throw the knife! Friends, HELP!’
…
‘Director, put down the gun. That’s not a prop too. Put it down before someone get shot, ok?’
In this moment, he pointed the gun to me and fire straight right to me, luckily I dodged it just in time!
‘Friends, I am sorry! Don’t come in here! Call 911 instead, quick!’
Now i stuck in a large filming room with 4 other actors and actresses, they hide with me in the same place. And he is coming to our hiding place!
…
‘This is not what fire mean...oh crap, RUN!’
I am so dumb, I give up our position to him! Although he still misses me but he hit one of the actresses in the leg and I shout…
‘Quick, distract him by throwing anything you found. I am going help the girl!
They trust me and do what I tell them. This give me time to rescue the girl. I move her to the cover at least.
‘Are you ok? I am sorry i don’t have any bandage but some Tissue paper for stop you bleeding. Oh, the cops are here.’
I will never break the 4th wall again!
A Forgotten Hero-Koffi
https://www.soundtrap.com/play/pdFRhaCbQ-evOO10UWKC4w/a-forgotten-hero/
This is not the full version...
Transpass Mishap
https://www.soundtrap.com/
Stop! Stop! Oh My God thank you I thought I would have to wait another hour. (swipes transpass)
My transpass, I already swiped it!
I am telling you the truth the transpass has been swiped you can even ask the people behind you.
It doesn't matter there is no one behind me, I swiped it.
No I am not being loud I am just telling you the truth! Here, I will even show it to you. (goes through her pocket )
Here you see there’s my transpass.
What do you mean, swipe it? I already did. (swipes transpass)
You see, it won't work, because I already swiped it. I just need to get to the other side of the city
What do you mean I am getting too loud¨!
No I am not on any drugs! Why does everyone think that just because I am me I am on drugs!
It’s not my fault you don't believe me.
Why do I need to get off the bus?
If you felt you were falling behind then you should have already started to move.
Why are you calling the cops? I am doing nothing wrong!
I am not holding up the Bus, you are!
No I am not disturbing the peace.
Why are you trying to blame me for your unwillingness to let me on the bus.
I am trying to get to my brother's school, so I can pick him up.
Because I am the only one that can pick him up after school
You know I swiped my transpass and you saw me can you please let me pick up my brother
No that’s not true and I can't believe you think that is ok to say to me at my age.
No I didn't drop out of school, I have a backpack right here.
No I am not carrying drugs. I am just trying to pick up my brother.
No you can't check my bag.
Get off of my bag!
Can you please let me on the bus
I am not hiding anything I am just trying to get on the bus
What do you mean it’s filled to capacity, half of the bus is empty
Why don't you want me on the bus
No, that can't be the reason because half of the bus is empty. Is it because of my hijab?
How am I making the passengers feel uncomfortable? Is it because I called you out on not letting me on the bus because of my religion and that you feel uncomfortable with someone with a hijab on the bus? If you aren’t being racist, give me a good reason right now before I call your boss and get you fired.
Oh My God Did you just say I could have been a threat to the other passengers. Ok how could I hurt the passengers? (start pulling out a book) Am I going to hurt them with reading out loud from a history textbook or am I going to hurt them with a math problem?
What! You think I am going to stab people with a pencil and give them lead poisoning!?
Yes I can wait for the cops to come and arrest you for what you are saying to me.
You are an adult accusing me! A teenage for being a terrorist! You are crazy and delusional.
Look who’s here. Officer this man won't let me on the bus because of my Hijab.
What? What are you doing? What, why do I have to leave the Bus?
Let me go! Get off of me!
Help! Help!
No I am not, (sobbing) I’m not resisting arrest
Stop! No! Dont Hit Me!
AAAHHHH!
