All I need is confidence and courage. Why is it so hard for me to achieve those two things in my life? I started to realized that I lack those two virtues when it all started with this girl I liked in my middle school. I always think of myself as strong and determined, motivated and focus, is what I really think of myself. But I can always expect the unexpected. It’s really what life is about.

It was on a cool and cloudy afternoon, I was in the middle of my summer reading, a book called Son of the Mob. As the school year got closer during the summer, I kind of procrastinated on my summer reading. I, then, realized it wasn’t such a good idea to do that. One of the most annoying things that bothered me was the fact that my idiotic friends kept inviting me to hang out with them. I sighed and said to myself “Here we go again.” I just want to be at home, so that I can get my summer reading over with, I thought to myself.

I finally have a good, old friend asking me to join their birthday party; so I went. I can smell the aromatic smell of sweet, honey barbecue. I can also hear all the loud shouting, distant talking and guests talking loudly and uncontrollably. I was roaming the large, packed backyard looking forward to meeting new people. But I never knew that I would meet him, someone very familiar. A man, dressed in black, almost like the guy from the cover of the Son of the Mob giving this girl that he likes, that I like, beautiful, bright red roses. I felt like somebody just stab me in the back when I saw him giving her flowers. It just struck me suddenly.

As I’m writing this essay, I thought back and said to myself that I should have never went to that party. In my mindset, education is what I really care about, regardless of anything. I never thought this scene that I witnessed, is very similar to the cover of the book. I was kind of mad at myself for not attempting to talk to her at first. I seen a lot of these happened on TVs and movies. But unluckily, my situation is reality. Day by day, I can’t get the image out of my head and reading Son of the Mob sure made it harder to erase that memory.

Although, I could be at fault for not talking to her. I didn’t have enough confidence, which causes an agony in me. And now and then, every time I looked at the cover, it reminded me of one of my friends that gave the girl roses. I hated that feeling. It just recalls back all the things I went through that day. But the good side is I finished my summer reading dealing with what was on the cover of the book. I guess that’s the only thing I accomplished, so far. The book is now in my black, iKea desk in my room, never touched ever since.

In life, I know there will be obstacles that I have to face, kind of like mountains. We can overcome the mountain, but it will take time. Similar to my situation, I know I can get over this, but I need time. Society may expect me to go on and talk to her but they just look at things differently from my point of view. They expect me to do actions from their own experiences, however, I have my own. I don’t really care about their expectations because it’s my life, not theirs.   

I recalled back the time when we were in 7th grade, hoping that will erase some of the haunting memory from the party. And there I was again, still attempting to talk to her after school. I saw her with her talkative friends. I hoped they’re not talking about me being too scared to talk to the girl I liked. Nervousness had almost overcome me. Boom, boom. Boom, boom. My heart pounded rapidly as if I saw a creepy, looking ghost. However, the fear of her friends are more fearful to me than my nervousness. Now, I know two things can prevent me from talking to her. So then I figured out a cunning way to talk to her, and it is getting my friends that are friends with her to talk for me. It was the only solution that I can think of. I had to do it because I liked her so much.