Who am I? That has always been an essential question for incoming freshman to SLA. I never really understood why we had to answer that question along the way, but I’m now a sophomore and I still have no idea who I am. It really bothers me that for 15 years I still haven’t figured out “who I am”. Constantly going from class to class and making new friends I still can’t pin point who the “real” me is.

Which takes me here, to Mr. Block’s class, writing a 3-page essay about our memories. Sadly, the ones that I can be really descriptive on are the sad ones. Leading up to this were 2 scenes, a revise, and “hot words” is what Mr. Block likes to call them. While I was writing, I couldn’t really think on what to write until he announced, “ Everyone put ‘Free Write’ on top of your Google document. You have ten minutes.” I had no idea what so ever to put on my Google doc. I sat in class, during last period for about 4 minutes pondering on what to jot down. Words of any kind, non-stop about anything that my two scenes reminded me about a larger part in life.

I stared and stared until I finally thought of a good idea. “Who am I really?” That was a question that I was trying to answer. While trying to haul all my thoughts and words on the blank page quickly I finally knew what to say and how to say it. For some reason, I’ve always felt sad, the little things I picked out, and sometimes I even felt as though I was not confident enough in myself.

I know that not everyone is going to like or approve of you but sometimes I just feel this way.  Other times, I feel empty, just as hallow as a log. I feel like I’m hiding behind a mask most of the time. Who am I really? The darker thoughts reminded me of how it all started like a punch to the face. I remembered how I first felt like. I was lost, trapped inside myself trying to lure my true self out. It all started when my friend had called my name in technology class during the 6^th grade, “Briana?” he asked.

That’s all I could hear through the thundering of noise of voices echoing off the technology walls. My best friend David had showed me a picture of this fallen angel with it’s back facing the screen and her left wing broken and crippled but the right wing folded in. The picture was very alluring and it drew me in like the smell of a fresh homemade apple pie. I couldn’t help but understand the picture so well. With constant friends leaving, and broken promises, I understood the pain and sorrow that screamed through the picture.

With my speechless eyes I stared at the picture. I couldn’t take my eyes off it. It was if my eyes hungered for the understanding of the photo. It felt as if I needed the reassuring judgment that the photo brought to it self. The power in the photo was so overpowering that everything I was supposed to hear, was closed and pushed out.

After being suck into the vibe of the photo I soon heard, “It’s time to go. Everyone line up.” I then realized that it was time to go back to class with my homeroom teacher. And with that, I pushed in my chair with aching noises of yelling and got in line. We then, as a class, left the technology room. Having this whole flashback moment I realized how many bad things must have happened when I was little.

I’ve always had friends leaving me from my side. And I’ve always been so trustworthy, believing everyone that was nice to me. Always being lied to and having to chose over friends, I’ve never really knew who was telling me the truth and who wasn’t. The constant “I’ll always be your friend” or “You can tell me anything” had always been a lie to me. Now I don’t know who’s really being truthful, and who’s not.

I guess you can say I kind of just gave up on people? I still have things to strive for, but now people are just an obstacle for me. I sound like a horrible person to others when they read this, but I’ve always learned that there's a story behind every person. There's a reason why that they’re the way they are. They aren’t just like that because they want to, something in the past created that.

But knowing that, I still feel as though I would be hated for being the “me” that I think is my true self. Sometimes not caring is the only thing that saves you. But if you think about it, I’m not the one completely at fault. Because others didn’t like the way I was, I changed. I learned how to control my tears. I molded myself into the person that everyone wanted me to be and still do.

To them, I was the backup. The one everyone looks for in time of need. But what if the backup needs a backup? I remembered one time when I tried to pour out all my thoughts, my feelings onto paper. “Why” was the only word on the page of my spiral notebook.

 Somehow I couldn’t think of anything to say. I somehow wanted to get all the pain out. Sitting there on the farthest of my couch I thought about the happy times that used to be fun and made everyday seemed as though the sun was out and smiling down on my “friends” and me. That’s when I quickly snapped back into reality. I didn’t notice at first, but I soon felt a small marble like tear jump from my cheek and onto the pants of my leg.

I wiped my face with the quickness. I was angry with myself. How could I possibly cry over something that happened so many times already? With my thoughts filled with rage I finally begin to write. When I was done, I still didn’t feel any different.

I was confused with how my coping skills had failed me like my 5th grade teacher tried to do. How could I still be feeling upset if I just poured out all of my feelings on the paper that was trying to keep it hostage? After a while I just sat, and pondered on what to do next. I then noticed that all I could do was just accept all of it. Accept the pain, happiness, sorrow, everything.

And after my friendship of 8 years ended with one of my closest friends, I told my self to shut down completely. Now I can’t tell if my feelings are real or fake. I just go with the flow of my life. I follow what people want from me. I smile when I feel it’s a need to, and I try to be sad when everyone else is too.

I’m numb, and I don’t know how to fix myself yet. Maybe it’s better to leave the broken pieces of glass where they are instead of trying to put them back together. So I continue to find out who I really am. Searching for the chance when that one faint light shines to lead me out of the surrounding darkness of my own shell. But until then I still look for the answer to my question, “Who am I?”

I love when the funniest things come unexpectedly. My friends, Ben, Andrew, and I were all in my dining room making our own video series that we brilliantly thought of to upload on YouTube. The videos were based on a class setting, and students making up funny excuses on why they didn’t do or forgot to do their homework. We would do this almost every other day when we would get enough excuses to put in a video. Although, today was different, my friends forgot their list of excuses at home so we decided to record a different kind of video. Not to be racist, but since Ben was Asian we wanted to make a random kung-fu fighting episode. Ben and Andrew take out all their stuff from their pockets and set them on a table. Andrew, by the way, is taller and bigger than Ben by about seventy pounds and eight inches. To tell you the truth I didn’t know what was going to happen, it was all improvised and not even thought out. Seconds later, the fight started… Andrew leaned in for an attack, but Ben’s quick senses stopped and countered the slow attack with a swift 360 degree spin to his left and BACKHANDED Andrew to the light-colored hardwood floor where he got knocked out! All it took him was one move to take down someone way bigger than him! And I got it all on camera! It was a funny day, and Andrew woke up about 10 minutes later.

The most boring English class I’ve ever been in. In eighth grade our teacher, Ms. Parks, made us read a really long story in the old torn up textbooks we had. That was normal for us, but what made it boring was the whole room being quiet except hearing classmates read aloud in monotone, messing up words, and reading unusually slow. Half the class was asleep and I was almost there. Out of nowhere, I began to think to myself about anything and everything. Where then I thought about a dog eating homework and how I hear that in movies all the time. It finally hit me; I started thinking of ironic and hilarious excuses that nobody ever thought of. I wanted to introduce the idea so badly. “Ben!” I screamed quietly. “Yeah?” he asked.

“You want to make some YouTube videos?”

“About what?”

From there we planned meetings and had a goal to make a total of 101 excuses. That’s how we came up with the name “101 Excuses For Not Doing Our Homework”. It’s a simple title but we all agreed on it. We also asked around the school if they wanted to be a part of the “classroom”. We didn’t really get much people and we never reached our goal. Although, we had so much fun doing this, and it gave every boring class something for us to do when we finished our work!

These are just some of the great times my friends and I making a YouTube video series. They are connected because they both happened 2 weeks apart, and without making the series the backhand would’ve never happened. I remember when almost everyone in my school knew about our series and they liked it, and when I showed the kung-fu video to my friends and my teacher at school they all laughed hysterically.

I guess we stopped because summer was over and we didn’t see each other as often as we went our own ways to different high schools. Ninth grade past by, and now we’re both in tenth grade, I still wonder when we’re going to get together again, we had a goal... Goals should be achieved, and in life .

Since I was young I never really liked trying anything new. I always thought that if I tried something new I wouldn’t like it. Whether it was trying a new food, going to a new place, or even meeting new people.  So what is it that made me go to Kirkwood Camp? I guess I have pretty persuasive friends. They had constantly been on my back and telling me how I should go to Camp Kirkwood with them. Well first let me tell you about Kirkwood. Well, at least this is how I viewed it before I actually got the courage to go. Kirkwood is a big camp out in the Poconos. Yeah I know what your thinking, the Poconos is pretty. Well this camp was located in the woods. When I think of the woods I cant help but think about bugs, trees, mud, spider webs and of course more bugs. Maybe even some type of animal. I had no intentions on going anywhere that I felt those things would be. Eventually I decided to just try something new, It had been a rainy day I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted to turn around, get in the car and just go home. Overnight camp just wasn’t for me. I despised the thought of sleeping on cold barren ground, and what would I do with my hair. My mom said to me “Stop being such a prissy girly girl” And try something new for once. When the bus arrived every one threw their bags onto the back of the bus and rushed to find a seat. I straggled behind and turned to my mom she gave me a disappointed look so I smiled a fake type of smile and got onto the bus to sit next to my best friend. The bus pulled off The other campers sung songs and I sat their acting stubborn until I heard them start out one of my favorite group songs “Father Abraham” I joined along with them we all got so into the song disregarding the bus driver constantly telling us to sit down. I didn’t even notice the long ride and before I knew it we were pulling into the camp.  It didn’t look as bad as I thought. I had visioned a bunch of trees, no free space to play around, weird smells, and I didn’t think the type of people I usually hang with would be there. I stepped off the bus and I could feel the grass in between my toes. I could smell the fresh air. I never smelt air like this before I immediately began to get comfortable with the environment. The first thing we did was go to lunch I love food so I was happy to hear that. I walked into the crowded lunchroom and I saw so many kids of every race I love being in diverse environments. Before we ate we sung a prayer and ha cool hand motions to go along with the song. We all sat down together and began to sink our teeth into scrumptious sausage pizza. That’s when the weird thing happened I reached for the pitcher of juice and everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at me as if I was something they never seen before. I said What They told me that I couldn’t have juice yet and that I had to drink water first. Ok I thought waters not a problem. I poured my water and started to drink until I noticed the unusual egg smell. I jerked my head back looking at it saying, what is this? I held my nose and downed the drink so I wouldn’t have to think about it. After lunch we headed to our cabins. I have to admit they were really cool each cabin had 8 beds and all of my friends and I shared a cabin it was the best. After getting settled into our cabin we went into our first activity. The cool thing was that my first activity was archery. I had never done it before so I was very excited they handed me the bow and my mind went blank. I had no idea what I was doing and then one of the councelors helped me out. The bow was very tight and it took all my strength I strained as I pulled it back then I was ready to let go. I shot the perfect bow and I had never been so amazed like this ever before. Everyone else went then It was time for praise n worship This was when I started to like the camp even more we sung a bunch of songs to the to of our lungs until they began to hurt for so long. I didn’t even notice my feet swelling up form all the walking and standing up I had done that day. The day still wasen’t over we did so much stuff I can’t even remember. We played lots of games and not one person there acted like they didn’t want to participate everyone played together and had an awesome time. After dinner it was time to call it a night we all rushed to our cabins and took showers washing all of the fun from the day off. Ten O-clock had been our bedtime but we never feel asleep we played tag with our flash lights disregarding how many times our councilor said we had to go to sleep because we wake up early. The next morning we all woke with bags under our eyes. We shook them right off after breakfast when we got right back into all our activities. Only today was swim test day. The place we swam was a nasty looking greenish colored pond. When standing in it you could feel seaweed and baby tadpoles graze your skin and it sent chills down your back because of the slimy unpleasant feeling. Pond time happened to be very fun as well everyone in the camp got to hang together and do what ever we wanted to do. The juniors, Jr. High, And senior high groups all got along very well. Our options for pond time was to swim, play volleyball, play in the sand, go fishing, try out canoeing, do arts and crafts or just chill out. It didn’t take me long to realize how much fun I had been having and it was only the second day of camp. Just imagine how awesome the next five days would be. Our group leaders had so many things planned for us to do and not a moment while I was there had I been bored. It started to become one of the best experiences of my life. As the days went by I couldn’t help but wish that time would just stop I didn’t want to go home not one bit. On my last night there we hiked up to real high ground and decided to sleep there for the night it was cold and my lip quivered but sleeping under the stars was so beautiful. When I woke up to my surprise not one bug was near me not even one of those pesky mosquitoes. I guess that is because I showered myself in bug repellant. The hike down was very steep and I was almost sure that I would fall. When we got back to our cabins they said we should pack up before the big dance and talent show we had in store for us. So that’s what we did. Us girls had suitcases stuffed with clothes so closing them was a problem. We had to jump up and down on them and sit on them putting all of our weight onto it. After Breakfast the next day It was time to leave we waited on the camp porch for our buses to arrive. When I got on the bus and it began to pull away we passed a sign saying Goodbye thank you for coming to Kirkwood a tear slid down my warm cheek. Then I finished reading it and it said see you next summer and that little line made me smile inside. Kirkwood changed me that summer it became a part of me that I will never forget and I regret ever having second thoughts about going.

I never cried at my grandmother’s funeral.  At the time I felt horribly guilty.  While so many others, including my dad, were in tears over the tragic loss, I simply stood there expressionless, trying to relate to the sadness everyone else seemed to be feeling.  It haunted me for years until I finally figured it out one year.  It wasn’t because I was emotionally devoid or simply didn’t care that she died, what was going on is that I had accepted that she was going to die a long time before she actually did.  I knew it was going to happen from the day she was put into Brandywine Senior Hospital.  I chose instead to focus on the good times we had, whether it was her living room excitedly shouting answers at game show competitors, eating rice pudding in the kitchen, looking for groundhog holes in the yard or taking wood shop lessons from my quiet but loving grandfather.

By Sterling Perry:

English 2

                                                 In What Do We Trust?

            I was sitting in Mr. Block’s class thining of a topic to use for my essay. I honestly didn’t know what to write about. Mr. Block was talking about elements of a great essay and “hot words” as he calls them. I soon got bored, turned on itunes and began to jam and stop paying attention. All of a sudden I see him walking over as if he knew I wasn’t paying attention. He says, “So, Sterling can you read your scene?” I read it and he says you know trust is the first thing I think about when I hear your scenes. I think to myself, “Wow that’s like the perfect topic to write on.”

The strobe lights flicker, vision blurred, adrenaline running high and my clique hanging tight. Dancing, sitting, eating, talking and repeating the process. Man, was that a crazy night.

After 6 days of fun in Florida we approach the last day; the day we all been waiting for. My cousin, two friends and I were wondering what we were going to do for the last day in Florida. My mom and dad comes in the room announcing what we’re going to do. “Everyone! We are going to Universal Studios; So get dressed and ready to go we are in a hurry!” We rushed through our bags looking the freshest outfits we had and got dressed. I wore a Dark grey T-shirt with a lime green smiley face, my skinny jeans, a grey OBEY snapback and a pair of all black and lime green Jordans.

Ready to go we headed to the car where we soon fell asleep. “We’re here every one!” Anxious to see what was in store we hopped out the whip and ran into the park. Our first ride was harry potter. The line was so long my cousin Eric and I decide to talk to a couple attractive girls who were standing behind us. After a long conversation about nothing and exchanging numbers they handed us a flyer. “Come meet us at The Groove tonite it’s the hottest club in Orlando you have to be 16 and up” one of the girls said, “It’s from 10pm to 2am.” “Ok, sure we’ll be there” I said and we got on the ride. After riding a countless number of rides, chicken wings and slushees we were done for the day.

           Despite of a great night there was one problem. We forgot to ask about the club. We were on our way out the gates when my dad looks side to side and asked “ Isn’t there a teen club somewhere in this park?” I responded, “Yea, is it okay if we go tonight?” “Sure but be back at 2am” my dad said.

            What does a club and some girls have to do with trust? Well, we don’t often realize how important it is to be trusted. If my dad didn’t trust me he wouldn’t have let me go to the club (or anywhere else) and I wouldn’t have that amazing story to tell. In the long run without the story I wouldn’t be writing about trust. I would be writing about something else boring like algebra or something.

            In every essay or paper your teachers always say use the who, what, when, where method. So, why not start now? What is trust how do I define it? I think it’s having faith in someone or something to come through for you. Who should we trust? Obviously people who are there for you friends and family. The sad thing is that some family and friends can’t be trusted. When you really think about the word trust I’m sure, like me, you can recall many life situations. On that note why not share another of my experiences.

The clock winding down and the rivalry and tension is in the atmosphere. This game was anticipated and waited for all season. The crowd was going wild, signs were raised and trash was definately talked.
           

It was like a moment from a basketball movie. The game was close and my team was expected to loose. The opposing Bulls had a team of superstars but my team stood strong.
First though third quarter was a blur. All i could remember was the fourth quarter. After a few more long minutes the game came down to one moment.

            The game was tied and i had the ball coming up the floor. Out of the corner of my eye I see the crowd going wild as my heart beats faster. Twenty seconds left “Isolation isolation!” i call as I stand at half court. 10, 9, 8 and down it goes. Behind the back into a slick spin move, shoot the jumpshot and....BOING! I missed the shot to win the chip. My team mate Greg snags the ball and throws it up with 3 seconds left and makes it. We all go crazy and the crowd runs on the court.
Even though we won i still felt that i should have trusted my team more.

            That brings us to another topic which I really don’t like talking about. Don’t worry though I’m not going off to something completely irrelevant. This topic I will be talking about is trust issues. Now don’t get me wrong, just because I didn’t pass the ball means I have trust issues. Trust issues, is also song by a famous rapper/r & b singer, but nothing more. Trust issues is more of a fad than it is a problem now. It’s also used as an excuse for many things. For example, i ask out a girl who I know likes me. She obviously isn’t ready for a relationship but likes me and doesn’t want my feelings hurt. So what does she say? I’m sorry but I can’t go out with you, I have serious trust issues but maybe we can take our relationship farther another time. My facial expression says “It’s cool” but inside I’m saying, “That was the worst excuse ever! Just say no and be done with it.” I’m tired of that same excuse being used over and over again. Like everything else in life teens miss interpret it and turn horrible things into stupid fads.

English 2

Friends and Family are some of the most important people in someones life because they will always be there for you. There are so many different memories that I have and there is one special item that reminds me of them all. Its a photo in my kitchen and its right by the kitchen table.

The photo is of something very unusual. Its of a bagel garden. In the right top corner of the picture there is a bit of light gray side walk right along a black wrought iron fence. The fence covers the top of the artwork as well. The whole way along the inside of the fence, there square shaped shrubs, which are about half the height of the fence. Beside the row of shrubs on the right side, there is a small path made of the kind of gravel you would put in a fish tank. The gravel has a tiny bit of a purple color. The path turns left at the bottom of the picture and continues along the bottom. On the path there are two rows of bagels on the ground. The bagels are plain. In all there are about twenty-four bagels that are visible in the picture.

In the section that would be the middle of the garden, but what takes up about half of the left side of the picture is more shrubs. These shrubs are made to form the outline of a square flower bed. The inside of the square formed with shrubs is filled with dirt. Planted in the dirt are little pink flower plants. They look like mini circle bushes with little pink flowers at the top. There are twenty-two flowers visible. The pink is a light pink.

It was this photo that, when I looked at it, gave me all the memories of family and friends back. I don’t spend way to much time in my kitchen, but seeing this photo reminded me of a time that I had a lot of fun.

The room smelled like nail polish, spa supplies, and lotion. I was having a spa sleepover birthday party type of thing. We were in my kitchen doing manicures. I had my feet in a foot bath. The bubbles swarming around. My friends were doing a 1 minute manicure scrub in the sink. It smelled like passion fruit. While my feet were soaking, one of my other friends was doing my fingernails. The sound of running water, laughing, along with a mixture of crickets from outside filled the room. Soon I had hands under the running water. I was using the manicure scrub. It was bright orange. It was a mixture of gooey and gritty. As I scrubbed my hands I laughed with my friends and realized how much fun I was having. It was the best birthday party I had ever had.

When I remembered this story, it helped me realize that my friends are some of the most important people in my life. I also realized that I had some of the best friends in the world. They are always there for me. I think that during that night, I laughed more than ever before. 

My mom was just finishing up dinner. I was excited. I started jumping up and down, almost bouncing, like a rubber band ball. 

“Settle down, its almost done.” my mom said.

I was a little kid, and my mom was making my favorite dish for dinner. I could smell it baking in the oven. It was tuna casserole and it smelled like tuna, but not in a bad way. My mom started to serve it. I could hear the dishes clanking together as she took them over to the kitchen table.

“Yum, tuna casserole.” My dad said as he sat down.

I sat down in my spot next to my dad. As I was eating and savoring the taste in my mouth, I looked around. I realized that the reflection of the fork on the wall was a tiny bit of light. I thought of a fairy. 

“Mommy, daddy, look. It looks like a fairy!” I said to my parents in a high-pitched mouse-like voice. 

I started playing with the reflection on the wall. That became a normal dinner thing when I was little.

I hadn’t thought about those times at dinner when I was little for a long time. By remembering it, I realized how important family was. I always knew they were important but I never really noticed how much. They mean so much to me. They are the people who will always be on your side no matter what happens. I will never forget that fairy, or any of the other memories of my family because they are so important to me. 

Friends and family have their similarities and differences. But they both have one similarity that outweighs all the differences put together. They will always be there for you. Its always nice to feel like you belong and to feel accepted and if there is ever a time when you don’t feel these things, you know theres a place to go. That photo of the bagel garden was only a photo to me in the past, but now I know it has a lot more meaning to it. I never think I will look at the quite same way again.