Love or Logic.

In,

out,

in,

out.

The blood flows in, then out, then in, and out again. It never stops. I’m always here. I support you. I keep you healthy. I keep you...alive!

(Silence)

So why…when I simply try to help the girl along, do you say no? Why must you constantly say no to my ideas/shoot me down?! She loves him! So when I say go ahead, do what I say, I know what’s right…. must you tell her to “stay strong”!?

Your idea of moving on, is turning the other cheek, simple as that.

It’s not that simple though! You don’t know love! The pain to  “Keep her head up”,  and have every other friend tell her ..:” Well next time it will be better…”, to move on...get over it. It hurts!

 (Screaming with anger)

She doesn’t want to! Can’t you feel her crying those tears every night!

(Speaker get’s quieter, calmer)

I can…They’re for him. She loves him. Let her love him...please?

I’m begging you…I rarely do that. you usually are right, but this is different.

It’s love. I know love, I breathe it, feel it, live it.

(Takes a moment, as if they’re listening to someone, rolls eyes after.)

Okay, so yeah you’re the “mother board” ( actually do the quotes sign here), the big commodity around here, I get that. But maybe you don’t know everything! Maybe I’m right this time. Love is my thing, and it’s clear she’s in love with him. Yes, yes, I hear you, I know he hurt her, but maybe he’s changed. Maybe he’s a better person now. People change all the time. What if he’s the one? And your getting in the way of that, your telling her to walk away. You could be ruining it for her!

( stops to listen, as if someone else is talking, then madly replys)

No, Of course I don’t like seeing her get hurt, how could you even say that!

But pain is a part of everything, especially love!

As long as she makes the right decision ….the pain will be worth it.

I think he cares. Maybe I’m wrong, and maybe your right, but look at her, when she hears his name, her eyes light up, even I get excited…

So maybe this one time, I am right, maybe this time she can listen to me, people tell her to listen to her heart, they’re right. So you’re the brain, logic isn’t always right…love isn’t about logic…it’s about so much more than that.

Even if I am wrong, it won’t have happened for nothing, because if she doesn’t go after him now, she’ll always wonder. It’s better to know, and not regret what could’ve happened. If she doesn’t learn this lesson with him, she’ll learn it with another guy. That’s what life’s about…It’s the lessons you learn, and not the things you could have done. It’s everything you did.

“10 seconds that seemed like 10 years”

The screams of the audience, the cries of love ones and family. The burning light above shining down on my body. Sweat and blood dripping off my skin. Gloves colliding with muscle and skin. There I am exchanging punches in the ring. All my months of training, all my dedication, all my time devoted to this fight risking my health and my body all being tested to its maximum limit. A minute and half into the 8^th round. I can barley lift my arms, my heart racing and my body swollen from the brutality torture in which I put it through. I grew angry and I lost all since of control all sense of deplaned I went back to the streets I swing a vicious left hook and I missed and the other man landing a titanic blow to my right temple sending me to the floor. The right side of my face is just a loud ring like a land mind that went off and exploded an eardrum. My whole face went dumb and im laying there on the ground as everyone stands and my carrier flashes before me as the ref counts. A million and one thoughts ran my through my destroyed mind. Time seemed to stop and I lay there covered in blood, sweat and tears. My perfect carrier 34 victories and 0 defeats. Was this it? Is this the end of my perfect record? My vision blurring and the loud ring still not allowing me to hear accurate. I try to find the ropes to get back out but the ropes seemed to be a thousand miles away. I start to remember my past fights. My father, mother, brother, family, and wife everything hits me. Like being hit with a thousand jabs aiming right for my face. I start to grow angry with my self because I threw everything that I learn away just because I got angry. The voice of my father begins to fill my mind. Everything else just fades away and im in the ring with my dad in the corner. Im shadowing while my father is telling me what to do. My hands are just a blur with my lighting speed. My body just cuts threw the wind as I move and wave back and fourth. My father tells me that it’s not about winning or losing but about giving it your all. That’s when suddenly, my vision came back to me and I can hear the ref screaming 5. Five, five more seconds are left in order for me to get up and im still lying on my stomach. I grab the 3^rd rope and I fight to get up but my body is refusing me to. Seven! The refer says as im only on the second rope. The other guy is in his corner laughing and already giving a victory taunt to the crowd as if he won already. “Nine!” And im on my feet grabbing the ref as im telling him im ok and ready to fight again. The ref stops and gives me the “okay” to fight. The other fighter stands in amazement and disbelief that I got back up after the titanic blow. My eyes rage with fire and determination as my father screams in my corner and I hear my mother and wife screaming my name in the crowd. I banged my gloves together and I walk into the middle like a tank ready to run him over. He hits me a few times but I no longer feel pain. Im a beast, a beast ready to kill. I take a lot of hits not trading back. My father screaming to hit back but I know what im doing. I stand there letting him hit me as he laughs. Then, my mind snap and I duck on one of his hook and I come right off the ground with a furious upper cut sending him back and I connect with a right hook sending him to the ropes and I just unleash hell on his body not giving him not even a second to collect his though to see nothing. I gave him hell in less than mille second I want to kill him I want to finish him off until he falls and the ref holds me back and sends me to my corner. I have won, I had came back from near defeat, I have over come my fears I have proven everyone wrong I have won this amazing fight…

Strike one.

Next pitch, I put down four fingers telling him to throw the change. I really wanted to fool the hitter here. Pitch was right on the inside corner. I remember the loud yell from the ump.

“Strrrrike Twooo!”

I looked over at the batter. He was kind of shot and pretty skinny. I knew he was one of his team’s fastest players. He could hit too according the scouting report all though he was in a slump during the series. I looked over at their base runners, then back at the pitcher.

The ballpark was silent. I put down two fingers signaling for him to throw his breaking ball. He wound up, with the season on the line. Nervous fans were on their feet, one strike away. The atmosphere was electric. The pitch was on its way. It was coming in at about 74 mph, yet it felt like it was coming towards me slower.

The ball curved sharply downward into the dirt. The ump called it low and outside. I had to leave the crouch to block the ball. I looked the base runner back to third.

One ball, and two strikes was the count on the batter. I threw down one finger for the fastball once again. I just wanted the kid to throw a strike so maybe we could get a groundball or something.

“Come on kid.” I kept thinking.

The pitch came in. It was a ball way inside. The batter did an overly dramatic jump out of the box, to show the ump how inside it was.

Two balls, two strikes on the hitter. Opposing fans started getting a little bit more rowdy.  I wasn’t sure what I wanted him to throw. I ended up putting down two fingers yet again, signaling another breaking ball. My heart was pumping a mile a minute. The pitch crossed the plate. The hitter checked his swing.

It was a full count and I couldn’t believe the ump called that just outside.

I ask the ump for time. I could sense the nervousness in the kid. I ran out to the mound, our Skipper right behind me.

Skipper was asking us “What do you feel comfortable throwing him right now?”

The kid told him he thought his fastball or changeup could work. It was also a shock to hear him talk because he had such a thick Dominican accent. Skipper looked over at me for my point of view. I told him that I liked the changeup in this situation. The hitter had to be expecting the heat with a full count, so why not give him the slow stuff to fool him. The ump ran out behind us. He told us to finish up our meeting.

Everyone went back to their positions. I threw down my four fingers, which told him to throw the changeup. He went into the stretch. The runners took off.

The pitch was a hard hit grounder, towards the shortstop. The runner sprinted out of the batter’s box there was almost no chance to get him at first. I knew the throw was coming towards me. I touched the plate with my foot, knowing that there was a force at any base.

I heard people on both sides yelling, “Home, home, throw it home.”  

It all came down to this. The runner was barreling towards me. I was so scared yet so focused on what would be the outcome of the play. He stuck his head down toward my chest. The ball was almost in my glove. As the ball hit my glove, I felt as if a freight train had just hit me. I fell back, as the runner fell forward. The wind was beyond knocked out of me. I heard the ump yell something, but the call just blurred out. And then the rest just blacked out. I don’t know how many hours have passed by since all this. I’m really anxious. Can you please tell me what happened?

Ms. Brown, now I know that you said I couldn’t come back to your motel, but I have nowhere else to go. (Sigh) If you turn me away I will freeze, it’s 12:00 in the morning and it’s cold outside. It’s not even my fault that I got kicked out of the house this time. Someone, which is my brother,  set me up I just know it. If I tell you what happened will you then let me stay? (Pause)

(Walk back and forth) Ok, so I was in my room dancing and singing to my favorite song by Chris Brown, until my mom came in my room. “Joesy, I’m out with a couple of friends so look after your brother until I get back. Oh, and make sure that nothing happens to my crystal my mom gave to me.” When she left I continued to dance and sing. My little brother Joshua came to me saying that he was hungry so I went downstairs with him. He was in a playful mood that he almost knocked over the crystal so I yelled and told him to sit down. After I got him something to eat I went back upstairs. I was minding my own business, when Joshua came to my room again. “ Josey I want a twinkie. Give me a twinkie!” I told him that we didn’t have anymore but he kept saying that we did because the box was on top of the refrigerator. I told him that there was nothing in the box so he got mad. Twenty minutes later I hear a crash downstairs, so I run down to the living room to see what it was. And I see that mom’s crystal was on the floor broken into a million pieces. I panicked and started to pick the pieces up when my mom came through the door.  “AAHH!! Why would you do this to me? I told you to make sure that nothing happens to my crystal and I come back and see this.” “But mom, I didn’t do this, Jousha did.” “I can’t believe that you would blame your little brother for something you’ve done.” “But mom I…” “Stop no more excuses. I can’t take this anymore with you arguing with me or getting into trouble. I’m just done! Get out of my house.” “Mom, you’re going to kick me out because your crystal is broken?” ”No, I’m kicking you out because I’m tired of your drama. You’re always getting into fights, arguing with people, and getting put away. So get out my house.”

After we argued I went to my room to pack my things when Joshua came back in my room smiling and laughing. And before I left I tried to tell my mom that it wasn’t me but she didn’t want to hear it. I went to some of my other friends’ houses but their mom don’t like me but I know that you do so that’s why I’m here now. Hoping that you will help me.

So can I please stay, I promise that I won’t bother your costumers. I won’t even be here in the daytime; only at night to go to sleep. (Pause) Ok…fine (gets mad) let me go out in the cold to freeze. No shelter, no heat, no food. I thought you would be different from the others but I see that you’re exactly the same. (turns around goes to door then stops)

(speaks to herself) Why don’t people like me? I try to do everything for them and they treat me like this. I feel alone, like no one cares. And here I am trying to get help from someone, who I thought I could trust but looks like I can’t. I might as well just steal a key to get a room. That’s it! Why stay outside in the cold when I can just steal a key and be warm. Wait…No… I can’t… she trust me and so does her daughter. We’ve been best friends since 1^st grade. I can’t do this to her, to them. What am I going to do? I try to do everything right but it always seems to come back to bite me. (Cries a little)

(turns around to see if she’s still there) You’re really going to send me out there in the cold? What kind of an adult are you? And out of all people, out of the whole world, I thought that at least you would see where I’m coming from. (Mrs. Brown holds up a key) Are you serious? You are giving me a key to a room? (hugs) Oh thank you, thank you, thank you! I’m sorry about what I said earlier, I didn’t mean I, I was just mad that’s all. I promise that I’ll pay you for the all the time I stay. Matter of fact (gets money and hands to Ms. Brown) here is some money for this week.

(walks away to room)

As I stand here in a supermarket, seeing this food is like a golden piece of heaven, handed to me for free. Running up and down each isle, ripping and grabbing every piece of junk food putting it into my Jansport. (Stop and Stare) A small open buffet style food cart with Chicken, Mac n’ Cheese, Cabbage, Rice and Mash Potatoes. The thought of this being my first hot meal in two months, drinking my favorite soda, forgetting about the life of hell I would be going back too. (Sigh of relief) (Flashback)

Hey Mom!

Do you remember the first time you and dad took me to the zoo? Seeing the smile on my face as I ran after the birds. Do you remember seeing me cry over, the thought that, the animals were getting hurt in the cage’s? Do you? Because I know I don’t remember.

Panicking, frustrated, realizing the play money from monopoly that once filled my pocket, is now gone. Walking and Walking, getting closer to the line, I shoved my hand inside my pocket, pulling out lint and stolen chips. I realize that 10 minutes of heaven is now a lifetime of hell.

Hey Dad!

Do you remember you and mom teaching me how to ride my bike. Do you remember at night when I thought that the boogieman would get me and how you stayed up all night so that I would know I was safe. Do you? Because I know I don’t remember.

Mom and Dad

Do you remember when I said you guys are my hero’s? Do you remember when you asked me what I want for Christmas and I said a brother or a sister. Do you? Because that seems like the only thing I remember about us being together as a family.

Why me?

I lost my mom and my dad all in the same month. I know I’m 18 but I have 3 siblings, who need somewhere to continue on living. But I promised to be my brother and sisters keeper. Signs of stress, Tiara and Tiana failing school, Isaiah getting into trouble with the law.

Mom!

Dad!

Are you out there? If so I need help, I’m tired, I want to give up, send me help please!

Lord please, Mom and Dad, you guys are missed everyday and we love, we will see you guys again one day. (Walk off crying)

Fire & Desire

He left me stuck, confused on what to say next. He left me hesitated on my word choice fearing if it would reveal my age. The hesitation kept me from ever wanting to find someone. Kept me from ever telling someone the way I felt entirely.

I jumped on him and stared deep into his eyes. He looked back as I stared while I talked; we made eye contact and smiled simultaneously. And then he asked in that deeply seductive voice, “Why you staring at my lips like you want to kiss me or something?” With that he puckered up. As he waited with his eyes intent on my face and desire intent by holding my there, I hesitated. Before he had the chance to repeat the question, I responded.

I crushed my lips to his with a passion that could ignite the entire room. His response gave me the sudden courage that I have been longing for for too long. At the moment all I could comprehend was the way my fingers were entangled in his soft hair and the way his palm caressed my check and lower back.

That’s all I ever wanted to know. I wanted to walk around with the knowledge of this emotion. The emotion of love. To have love given to me share and me that love with someone else.  With him. The month continued with cheers and squeals that came from the fire and desire he bought into my life. I knew that as long as I had some type of connection to him I would be okay in life.

While walking one day, I felt myself searching for something special. I wasn’t sure what it was or what form it came in. But as soon as I turned the corner I found it. He was there standing, talking. The way my heart reacted confirmed that I needed to make him mine. That I had to do it, tell him the whole story of where I stood. And then I completely saw him. He was standing and across from him was another girl.

He left me broken, with ongoing scrambles of our broken kiss. He left me hesitated, scrambled on which way to take. He left me scared, scared sick on whether to leave him. For I know that in his passing I will breathe a breath of desire. My heart will pound and my eyes will extend, to the point my blush will ignite to make amends. He will however eventually continue his path to the ones he cares for too. To the ones that I replaced, and will replace me. His multiple desires of fresh bait, his old acquaintances that destined mate. I didn’t fall babe, love fell on me.Jordan Hairston

 “Yo Spit! Where you at?” Blast in my ears

(Huffs) The desert is dry and deserted like the inside of my head, my soul, and my body. “Yo Spit! Where you at?”(Echoes in my head still) I know my damn name. I’m a young girl, with chipped nail polish, ashy feet, curled up toes with sand particle in between them (Looks at her feet). I have burnt color skin, thick, tangled hair, with scars that can run on for miles (rubs her face, and body). It’s dry out here, nothing to do. It seems so free, free enough to be me. I’m trapped. Abandoned with my own self. (Scratches head) So die, to die, no water, why not die? A young savage, a young failure, a young loser (deep breathe). Still the words “Yo Spit! Where you at?” lingers in my head.

I’m by myself so why not die? No mother! No more hitting, no more scars. No more red leakage from my busted face, and body.  Life moves in slow motion as I try to get away from my mother tight grip, and cigarette smoke. I’m trapped. No daddy! No more dope dealing, selling my body, and making money the fast way. My daddy taught me how to do it all, I make a buck fifty an hour. No more pain? Pain, oh I know pain.

I’m trapped. No more friends! No stealing, robbing, killing, hurting people. My crew and I have people shaking. What we want, we get. But still, I’m trapped. No uncle! He loves me, he tells me everyday. He lays me down, and does things I don’t like, but he loves me. I’m trapped. (Counts on fingers) I got me, myself, and I got my desert. I’m trapped. I want to stay trapped. I have to come out sometime. Because these damn words won’t leave my head “Yo Spit! Where you at?”

Back to my mom, dad, friends, and uncle. Back to scars, dope, prostitution, and stealing. I portray a life I don’t want. My desert will be here, my closet, under my bed, my roof, and inside a box. My desert is everywhere life isn’t hurting me. Oh! My desert will be here. Ready for the next girl, that can’t stand to look at her self in the mirror. Prepared for the next boy, that gets abused, and have black eyes, and deep bloody cut marks. Setup for the next teen, which lives a life of hurt. I am a young girl that hates her life. I’m trapped in reality, with everyone and everything I hate. (Balls fist up) So die, to die, why not die? (Tear)